Recently I read a quote about famous western author Louis L'Amour on wikipedia.com, the online encyclopedia. As a young man, my grandfather associated with L'Amour in small town Oklahoma. Based on my grandfather, i think men from that era (the Great Depression) all grew up with a certain set of beliefs or attitudes. If this quote from wikipedia is true of L'Amour, it's certainly true of my grandfather:
Louis L'Amour was not only one of the West's best-selling storytellers; in many ways he typified the consummate Western man, proud of his accomplishments and shy in his remembrances. - "Looking Back: An Interview with Louis L'Amour" by Jean Henry-Mead
Setting foot in my grandparents living room, I first notice the bookshelves full of leather-bound L'Amour titles. I'm not sure if they own everything he's ever written or just his novels and short stories, but the collection is huge. Next I notice my grandfather's knack for storytelling. Still a master at old-school narrative jokes, he'll work his creations into normal conversation:
"You know a friend of mine had to take his wife to the doctor's office."
His audience replies as one would expect; not realizing this is the opening line of a joke. He carefully tells the tale as if recalling it from first hand memory -- never letting on he's reciting a simple story leading to a punch line. Usually the joke leads to light laughter from the audience and a welcome opportunity to change the subject of conversation. He craftily inserts his jokes at appropriate points in the ebb and flow of the room.
Talking to my grandfather in private, I've learned much about his life. He enlisted in the Marines to fight in World War II before he was 18. He served in the Pacific theater and presumably saw what war was like. Most of his stories related to his down time. He became a good swimmer and would often take off in the ocean, seeking adventure. He learned to play cards and would, in moderation, play with fellow soldiers. One time he found an abandoned jeep on the beach and claimed it as his own. He drove it around his island, again, seeking adventure. He completed high school while on a ship and returned home to North-Central Oklahoma ready to attend college.
while holding down a full-time job and with a new wife, he completed college in under four years with a 4.0 G.P.A.. He went on to work for Conoco Oil and became something similar to an accountant. Still in the reserves, he spent weekends training men for the Korean War and his weeks both working and raising two young daughters. At some point in time he and his wife learned to fly. By the time his third daughter was born, it became something of a family tradition to fly small aircraft. At some point in the late 1970's or early 1980's, my grandfather retired from Conoco and the Armed Forces.
That's about the same time I was born and started to interact with him. In that time, he's built his own aerobatic biplane, perfected his hunting skills, volunteered his time to various organizations, founded a church, developed a patent for a cross-bow cocking device and learned Spanish -- all while running four miles every morning before the crack of dawn. I'm sure I've only scratched the surface of what he's accomplished in his time -- I'm only basing this list on what i can remember of what he's personally told me.
This brings me back to the quote regarding L'Amour: proud of his accomplishments but shy in his remembrances. He's never revealed any of his accomplishments with any hint of self-indulgence or vanity. Even while leading a full life with many unique and grand experiences he's not allowed his relative success and accomplishments to distort the fact that he is simply a man. He doesn't view himself as any more important than other people. I think he's proud of what he's done but refuses to buy into the egocentric idea that he is better than others.
Perhaps a quote from L'Amour himself can indicate the attitude these men have --
When interviewed not long before his death, he was asked which among his legion of books had he liked best. His reply was, "I like them all. There's bits and pieces of books that I think are good. I never rework a book. I'd rather use what I've learned on the next one, and make it a little bit better. The worst of it is that I'm no longer a kid and I'm just now getting to be a good writer. Just now."
Friday, December 07, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
New Life
I loved working on the documentary...
I learned a lot about editing and what it takes to tackle a big project from an editing standpoint. Blood Equity also gave me flexibility to, among other things, start a side project (a short documentary shot on film), work on several projects through Mosaic (most recently "Apartment B" through Awaken Films), host one of my better friends (Cole) on his deciding journey to move to Los Angeles, and even start a new relationship (Rachel).
The flexibility may come back to hurt me around tax time (I was paid out of pocket with personal checks) and around the 1st of the month (apparently I drove a lot {see two separate car repairs totaling $1,600}, used my eyes a lot {see health costs to cover my eyes totaling over $2,300} and talked a lot {see cell phone overages of over $500}... it hurts sometimes to have daytime freedom).
Recently I landed a new job in the exciting world of commercial production. I work at Great Guns USA (they have offices all over the world). Each office represents a different group of directors and tries to get them work (directing tv commercials) based upon work they've already done. When Great Guns wants to submit a director for a job, they have two options for doing so: 1. Send a DVD of the specific director's work (a reel) or 2. email an online link where a possible client can view the work on a website. Both of those tasks involve me. I'm either making a dvd or posting spots on a website for someone to view... that's literally all i do. Well, not really, i have time to write this blog and eat lunch and all that good stuff... but the work is pretty consistantly constant. Right now I'm burning DVDs and exporting new spots for the website... each of those takes time, and during that time my computer it tied up from a processing standpoint. Thus, here i am.
But this new job brings me new life. Aside from being a legitimate job, there will be the possibility down the road for me to edit commercials and or edit 'director's cuts' of previously made commercials. A director's cut may take a 30 second spot and expand the story to 60 or 90 seconds. Usually they are very well done and would be a valuable asset to my own editor's reel. Commercial editing is essentially glorified short film editing. It is, for the most part, transferable to longer formats of editing... be it music videos, tv shows or feature films. For that reason alone, this job is cool.
But there's more: Produciton teams will often do preproduction for commercials here at our office (if they are headed by Great Guns directors, that is...) I've been able to mingle with production coordinators and production managers as well as directors. I also have free access to a stocked kitchen and free lunch at any restaurant of my choosing. It's a good job with some good people.
It's 5:30 and my job here is done. I'll update as necessary...
I hope all is well in your lives -- and i'm keeping Katie Schwyhart in my thoughts and prayers as she preps for some surgery.
-Collin
I learned a lot about editing and what it takes to tackle a big project from an editing standpoint. Blood Equity also gave me flexibility to, among other things, start a side project (a short documentary shot on film), work on several projects through Mosaic (most recently "Apartment B" through Awaken Films), host one of my better friends (Cole) on his deciding journey to move to Los Angeles, and even start a new relationship (Rachel).
The flexibility may come back to hurt me around tax time (I was paid out of pocket with personal checks) and around the 1st of the month (apparently I drove a lot {see two separate car repairs totaling $1,600}, used my eyes a lot {see health costs to cover my eyes totaling over $2,300} and talked a lot {see cell phone overages of over $500}... it hurts sometimes to have daytime freedom).
Recently I landed a new job in the exciting world of commercial production. I work at Great Guns USA (they have offices all over the world). Each office represents a different group of directors and tries to get them work (directing tv commercials) based upon work they've already done. When Great Guns wants to submit a director for a job, they have two options for doing so: 1. Send a DVD of the specific director's work (a reel) or 2. email an online link where a possible client can view the work on a website. Both of those tasks involve me. I'm either making a dvd or posting spots on a website for someone to view... that's literally all i do. Well, not really, i have time to write this blog and eat lunch and all that good stuff... but the work is pretty consistantly constant. Right now I'm burning DVDs and exporting new spots for the website... each of those takes time, and during that time my computer it tied up from a processing standpoint. Thus, here i am.
But this new job brings me new life. Aside from being a legitimate job, there will be the possibility down the road for me to edit commercials and or edit 'director's cuts' of previously made commercials. A director's cut may take a 30 second spot and expand the story to 60 or 90 seconds. Usually they are very well done and would be a valuable asset to my own editor's reel. Commercial editing is essentially glorified short film editing. It is, for the most part, transferable to longer formats of editing... be it music videos, tv shows or feature films. For that reason alone, this job is cool.
But there's more: Produciton teams will often do preproduction for commercials here at our office (if they are headed by Great Guns directors, that is...) I've been able to mingle with production coordinators and production managers as well as directors. I also have free access to a stocked kitchen and free lunch at any restaurant of my choosing. It's a good job with some good people.
It's 5:30 and my job here is done. I'll update as necessary...
I hope all is well in your lives -- and i'm keeping Katie Schwyhart in my thoughts and prayers as she preps for some surgery.
-Collin
Monday, September 24, 2007
the Divine Conspiracy
These are exerpts of 'The Divine Conspiracy' by Dallas Willard. I've been rereading this book over the last few weeks and have found some points quite profound.
THE HUMAN SPIRIT
The spirit and the space most familiar to each one of us are contained in our own personality. The necessary path of understanding lies in reflecting on our own makeup.
I am a spiritual being who currently has a physical body. I occupy my body and its environs by my consciousness of it and by my capacity to will and to act with and through it. I occupy my body and its proximate space, but I am not localizable in it or around it. You cannot find me or any of my thoughts, feelings, or character traits in any part of my body. Even I cannot. If you wish to find me, the last thing you should do is open my body to take a look -- or even examine it closely with a microscope or other physical instruments.
... To be sure, the brain is a relatively more important and interesting piece of flesh, but nothing of intellect, creativity, or character is to be found in it.
That very unity of experiences that constitutes a human self cannot be located at any point in or around this body through which we live, not even in the brain. Yet I am present as agent or causal influence with and about my body and its features and movements. In turn, what my body undergoes and provides influences my life as a personal being. And through my body, principally through my face and gestures, or "body language," but also verbally, I can make myself present to others.
The human face, and especially the eyes, are not just additional physical objects in space. We say that the eyes are the windows of the soul, and there is much truth to it. They and the face and hands are areas in space where the spiritual reality of the person becomes present to others. There the inmost being of the individual pours forth, though of course the person is no more literally identical with the his or her face or eyes than with lungs or toenails or brain.
Interestingly, "growing up" is largely a matter of learning to hide our spirit behind our face, eyes, and language so that we can evade and manage others to achieve what we want and avoid what we fear. By contrast, the child's face is a constant epiphany because it doesn't yet know how to do this. It cannot manage its face. This is also true of adults in moments of great feeling -- which is one reason why feeling is both greatly treasured and greatly feared.
Those who have attained considerable spiritual stature are frequently noted for their "childlikeness." What this really means is that they do not use their face and body to hide their spiritual reality. In their body they are genuinely present to those around them. That is a great spiritual attainment or gift.
Now, roughly speaking, God relates to space as we do to our body. He occupies and overflows it but cannot be localized in it. Every point in it is accessible to his consciousness and will, and his manifest presence can be focused in any location as he sees fit. In the incarnation he focused his reality in a special way in the body of Jesus. This was so that we might be "enlightened by the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" (2 Cor 4:6).
The traditional Christian understanding is that every physical object and every natural law is a manifestation of God's willing. This does not have to be taken in the sense that he is every second consciously choosing, for example, that this electron should be circling that neutron or that this pillar should be supporting that house. No doubt he could do that if he wished. But it is true in the same sense that the arrangement of the furniture in your apartment is a manifestation of your will. It is as you have provided for and want it to be, though you are not always thinking of that arrangement and "willing" it. It is also a continuing revelation of you to all who know you well.
(pg 75-76)
----------------------------------------
then, this next passage gets me... how can this be if we believe the above? If only we'd have a view of God like the above -- how much would that change us?
-----------------------------------------
THE HUMAN QUANDRY
Of course that destiny flatly contradicts the usual human outlook, or what "everyone knows" to be the case. I take this to be a considerable point in its favor. Our "lives of quiet desperation," in the familiar words of Thoreau, are imposed by hopelessness. We find our world to be one where we hardly count at all, where what we do makes little difference, and where what we really love is unattainable, or certainly is not secure. We become frantic or despairing.
In his book 'The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley remarks, "Most men and women lead lives at the worst so painful, at the best so monotonous, poor and limited that the urge to escape, the longing to transcend themselves if only for a few moments, is and has always been one of the principal appetites of the soul." They are relentlessly driven to seek, in H.G. Wells's phrase, "Doors in the Wall" that entombs them in life.
(pg 82)
If we could see past the pain and bordom if life, we may see that God is near. How profound.
THE HUMAN SPIRIT
The spirit and the space most familiar to each one of us are contained in our own personality. The necessary path of understanding lies in reflecting on our own makeup.
I am a spiritual being who currently has a physical body. I occupy my body and its environs by my consciousness of it and by my capacity to will and to act with and through it. I occupy my body and its proximate space, but I am not localizable in it or around it. You cannot find me or any of my thoughts, feelings, or character traits in any part of my body. Even I cannot. If you wish to find me, the last thing you should do is open my body to take a look -- or even examine it closely with a microscope or other physical instruments.
... To be sure, the brain is a relatively more important and interesting piece of flesh, but nothing of intellect, creativity, or character is to be found in it.
That very unity of experiences that constitutes a human self cannot be located at any point in or around this body through which we live, not even in the brain. Yet I am present as agent or causal influence with and about my body and its features and movements. In turn, what my body undergoes and provides influences my life as a personal being. And through my body, principally through my face and gestures, or "body language," but also verbally, I can make myself present to others.
The human face, and especially the eyes, are not just additional physical objects in space. We say that the eyes are the windows of the soul, and there is much truth to it. They and the face and hands are areas in space where the spiritual reality of the person becomes present to others. There the inmost being of the individual pours forth, though of course the person is no more literally identical with the his or her face or eyes than with lungs or toenails or brain.
Interestingly, "growing up" is largely a matter of learning to hide our spirit behind our face, eyes, and language so that we can evade and manage others to achieve what we want and avoid what we fear. By contrast, the child's face is a constant epiphany because it doesn't yet know how to do this. It cannot manage its face. This is also true of adults in moments of great feeling -- which is one reason why feeling is both greatly treasured and greatly feared.
Those who have attained considerable spiritual stature are frequently noted for their "childlikeness." What this really means is that they do not use their face and body to hide their spiritual reality. In their body they are genuinely present to those around them. That is a great spiritual attainment or gift.
Now, roughly speaking, God relates to space as we do to our body. He occupies and overflows it but cannot be localized in it. Every point in it is accessible to his consciousness and will, and his manifest presence can be focused in any location as he sees fit. In the incarnation he focused his reality in a special way in the body of Jesus. This was so that we might be "enlightened by the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" (2 Cor 4:6).
The traditional Christian understanding is that every physical object and every natural law is a manifestation of God's willing. This does not have to be taken in the sense that he is every second consciously choosing, for example, that this electron should be circling that neutron or that this pillar should be supporting that house. No doubt he could do that if he wished. But it is true in the same sense that the arrangement of the furniture in your apartment is a manifestation of your will. It is as you have provided for and want it to be, though you are not always thinking of that arrangement and "willing" it. It is also a continuing revelation of you to all who know you well.
(pg 75-76)
----------------------------------------
then, this next passage gets me... how can this be if we believe the above? If only we'd have a view of God like the above -- how much would that change us?
-----------------------------------------
THE HUMAN QUANDRY
Of course that destiny flatly contradicts the usual human outlook, or what "everyone knows" to be the case. I take this to be a considerable point in its favor. Our "lives of quiet desperation," in the familiar words of Thoreau, are imposed by hopelessness. We find our world to be one where we hardly count at all, where what we do makes little difference, and where what we really love is unattainable, or certainly is not secure. We become frantic or despairing.
In his book 'The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley remarks, "Most men and women lead lives at the worst so painful, at the best so monotonous, poor and limited that the urge to escape, the longing to transcend themselves if only for a few moments, is and has always been one of the principal appetites of the soul." They are relentlessly driven to seek, in H.G. Wells's phrase, "Doors in the Wall" that entombs them in life.
(pg 82)
If we could see past the pain and bordom if life, we may see that God is near. How profound.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Juneau Reflections
I looked at the Juneau Men's Summer Project website (juneaumensproject.com) and instantly I was transported back to the Summer of '05. That wasn't a particularly fun or good or enjoyable summer for me, and I still haven't really figured out why. I often feel like I missed out on something special there... But I realize that I still love that place and that experience. From my struggles while in Juneau to my struggles now, trying to unwrap what happened there, I at least know I eagerly sought God.
One experience contains a lesson that I'm still chewing on: I went on a hike with several guys who were experienced hikers. Essentially, we hiked from our base camp to the base of Eagle Glacier. The first 3 miles were easy, then we had to scale several rock faces and balance on ledges overlooking dense forest at least 500 feet below us. Once at the glacier, we filled our water bottles with historic water and began to get back to camp before dark. Just as we left, the melting glacier caused a rather large rock slide. Luckily we were shielded from the big rocks. It was rather surreal to watch large boulders roll down a 500 foot canyon wall and crash into a plateau just feet from us. The hike back was rather hard -- several times we had to hold our positions as one of our crew slipped and barely avoided going over the edge (I say 'barely', but who knows how close it actually was... to me, there were several close calls). At one point, I had to walk/slide down a steep embankment (overlooking forest at a much lower elevation) only to then have to climb a vertical rock face and then come down the other side. Needless to say, i was kind of stress out the whole time, but we all made it without injury.
That's part of the story, but it's meaning is still a mystery to me. One hard aspect for me to cope with was that while I was with these guys who generally cared for me, I was still expected to carry my own weight and look out for myself. They expected me to be able to climb vertical rock faces and balance on ledges. Maybe it was easy for them, but it was a lot to be expected from my point of view. I suspect, however, that all of us were at least a little scared. I also suspect that I regret missing the excitement of it all -- the extreme adventure that I had the pleasure of living. Instead, worry and fear fill the memories.
When I climbed the rock face, one of the project leaders, Craig Johring, was beside me hanging on to the rock and showing me where to hold and put weight. Craig was in his 50's, and was one of those guys that reminds me of John Wayne -- probably preferred to spend his time outside chewing on metal and grime. He bonded more with other guys and (justifiably) rarely talked to me up until this point. Plus, the staff left for the 2nd half of the project... only to return at the end to wrap things up. At the top of the rock, he said, 'You're a warrior, Collin.'
I certainly didn't feel like a warrior, and next to the other guys, I didn't look like a warrior, either. But it still meant something to me... if only for the moment I hesitated before going down the other side of the rock.
Two days later, at our 'end of project' ceremony, each guy had the privilege of going in to the woods and have an individual fire-lit conversation with the project leaders. When my name was called, I walked up to the fire and had no idea what they were going to say. Craig was there, and we'd talked once, earlier on in the day... and Jason was the other leader -- we talked every week about video stuff... but I didn't know either one well. First they presented me with a knife and the GPS coordinates of a rock I'd engraved with a note to myself for future findings. Then, out of nowhere, Craig starts raving about what a warrior I was on the trail that day. I felt honored.
Later that night, the staff baptized several men, including me, and then took us down to a local convenience store and let us go on a shopping spree. On a full stomach, I went with Craig and a few other guys to a remote location to watch the Northern Lights. As we laid there, I began to realize how much I had missed out on... not because of anyone else, but because I let fear and worry have too much say.
The great and currently haunting thing about Juneau is I feel it brought out a side of me that doesn't normally come out. I don't go out and climb rocks or tough it in the wild anymore. Any comparison of Juneau to my current life just doesn't work -- they're too different. But the side of me that came out is still part of me, none the less. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel the lessons I learned are mostly applicable to that other side (aside from what I learned about God).
That 'other side' grows restless in me from time to time -- I'll suddenly have a desire to join the military and fight in Iraq... or I'll try and get away from the sprawling suburban community I live in and find a small amount of refuge at the beach or in my car -- just separate from my current life.
I don't think there's anything wrong with my life, but I need to vent this other side, too. I may be smart or a fast editor or a nice guy in my current life -- but there's not a place for a warrior.
(where else but SE Alaska can you go snag salmon fishing, see a black bear just feet in front of your face, catch and eat crab within a 20 minute span, see the Northern Lights, watch whales, and risk your life to see a glacier?... ?)
One experience contains a lesson that I'm still chewing on: I went on a hike with several guys who were experienced hikers. Essentially, we hiked from our base camp to the base of Eagle Glacier. The first 3 miles were easy, then we had to scale several rock faces and balance on ledges overlooking dense forest at least 500 feet below us. Once at the glacier, we filled our water bottles with historic water and began to get back to camp before dark. Just as we left, the melting glacier caused a rather large rock slide. Luckily we were shielded from the big rocks. It was rather surreal to watch large boulders roll down a 500 foot canyon wall and crash into a plateau just feet from us. The hike back was rather hard -- several times we had to hold our positions as one of our crew slipped and barely avoided going over the edge (I say 'barely', but who knows how close it actually was... to me, there were several close calls). At one point, I had to walk/slide down a steep embankment (overlooking forest at a much lower elevation) only to then have to climb a vertical rock face and then come down the other side. Needless to say, i was kind of stress out the whole time, but we all made it without injury.
That's part of the story, but it's meaning is still a mystery to me. One hard aspect for me to cope with was that while I was with these guys who generally cared for me, I was still expected to carry my own weight and look out for myself. They expected me to be able to climb vertical rock faces and balance on ledges. Maybe it was easy for them, but it was a lot to be expected from my point of view. I suspect, however, that all of us were at least a little scared. I also suspect that I regret missing the excitement of it all -- the extreme adventure that I had the pleasure of living. Instead, worry and fear fill the memories.
When I climbed the rock face, one of the project leaders, Craig Johring, was beside me hanging on to the rock and showing me where to hold and put weight. Craig was in his 50's, and was one of those guys that reminds me of John Wayne -- probably preferred to spend his time outside chewing on metal and grime. He bonded more with other guys and (justifiably) rarely talked to me up until this point. Plus, the staff left for the 2nd half of the project... only to return at the end to wrap things up. At the top of the rock, he said, 'You're a warrior, Collin.'
I certainly didn't feel like a warrior, and next to the other guys, I didn't look like a warrior, either. But it still meant something to me... if only for the moment I hesitated before going down the other side of the rock.
Two days later, at our 'end of project' ceremony, each guy had the privilege of going in to the woods and have an individual fire-lit conversation with the project leaders. When my name was called, I walked up to the fire and had no idea what they were going to say. Craig was there, and we'd talked once, earlier on in the day... and Jason was the other leader -- we talked every week about video stuff... but I didn't know either one well. First they presented me with a knife and the GPS coordinates of a rock I'd engraved with a note to myself for future findings. Then, out of nowhere, Craig starts raving about what a warrior I was on the trail that day. I felt honored.
Later that night, the staff baptized several men, including me, and then took us down to a local convenience store and let us go on a shopping spree. On a full stomach, I went with Craig and a few other guys to a remote location to watch the Northern Lights. As we laid there, I began to realize how much I had missed out on... not because of anyone else, but because I let fear and worry have too much say.
The great and currently haunting thing about Juneau is I feel it brought out a side of me that doesn't normally come out. I don't go out and climb rocks or tough it in the wild anymore. Any comparison of Juneau to my current life just doesn't work -- they're too different. But the side of me that came out is still part of me, none the less. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel the lessons I learned are mostly applicable to that other side (aside from what I learned about God).
That 'other side' grows restless in me from time to time -- I'll suddenly have a desire to join the military and fight in Iraq... or I'll try and get away from the sprawling suburban community I live in and find a small amount of refuge at the beach or in my car -- just separate from my current life.
I don't think there's anything wrong with my life, but I need to vent this other side, too. I may be smart or a fast editor or a nice guy in my current life -- but there's not a place for a warrior.
(where else but SE Alaska can you go snag salmon fishing, see a black bear just feet in front of your face, catch and eat crab within a 20 minute span, see the Northern Lights, watch whales, and risk your life to see a glacier?... ?)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Local 700
Baking the incredibly hot sun today, I had to remember why I was in Glendale. I'm used to temperatures near my home in Playa Vista hovering around 75-80... maybe 85 on a really hot day. Glendale, nestled in the hills just North of Hollywood and East of Burbank, regularly reaches temperatures over 105... especially these last few weeks. Summer isn't ready to give way to Fall just yet.
Glendale is home to the CSATF, a unmemorable acronym that amounts to Safety Training. I was there today in my final step to become a member of the Local 700 (Motion Picture Editor's Guild). After watching a required 40 minute video, I passed an exam and was handed a 'Safety Passport', which is more or less a joke if taken seriously. It proves valuable when verification is needed of union membership. Ah, an ID book.
CSATF was an interesting place due to the people that congregate there. There are many unions that require members to undergo training (hopefully training that is more relevant and useful than mine)... and by the looks of these people, it's some type of manual labor. These guys were too cool for school 15 years ago but luckily have some sort of union backing now. At first I was intimidated, but one of these burley men sat next to me and seemed to be polite.
Glendale was the end of a long day of travel and meetings. My first destination was Hollywood where I attended an orientation meeting at the Editor's Guild office. A witty and humorous guy talked a group of 5 through the benefits of being in the union -- namely higher pay rates and a good health plan (needing 600 hours to qualify, then 300 to get 6 months coverage). The health care is superb... 100% coverage and if you stay an active member of the union for 15 years (400 hours is a qualifying year) Lifetime Coverage kicks in for you and a spouse. My favorite part of the union is how they make employers do a bunch of stuff for their employees. Namely, employers are required to set aside 5% of an employees earnings into an individual account -- totally separate from the employee and similar to a 401K, but without the missing money from a paycheck. After the orientation, my paperwork was pre-approved and I was sent to Encino (almost as hot as Glendale) to meet with contract services.
Contract Services, the CS of CSATF, is responsible for putting me on the 'Industry Experience Roster'. They manage 17 local unions in Los Angeles, so it was also a pretty crazy visit. Once I'm actually on the roster (20 days from now) I'll officially be in. Then, I can utilize the 'available list' at the Guild Office, where new productions can staff their crew. Apparently, it works b/c you can only be on it for 45 days (they will extend you if necessary, but they made it sound like that's not the usual). I filled out my I-9 tax form and gave the nice lady my paperwork and was then off to Glendale.
Professionally, I'm an Assistant Editor. Please, call me Assistant Editor Collin or Collin the Assistant Editor. Someday soon, I might actually work a union job and reap the benefits of this simple day of travel and sun.
The documentary is going well. The crew traveled to the East Coast to get more interviews today and hopefully will be back with everything on Friday. Ryan (the current co-editor) and I hope to have a semi-fine cut on Sept. 22nd, our last day. I'm hoping the work will keep on a little longer so we can pretty everything up... but hopefully that Sept 22nd cut will be enough for Nehst Studios to purchase the film and from there... I have no idea what will happen. But, more than likely, I'll be looking for my first union job.
Other than Josh's great connections with assistant editors and post-production supervisors in feature films, I have made my own connections in the TV Post-Production world. Two Friday's ago, I visited my friend Jenny (a former driver at Flyer Entertainment) at the Paramount lot where she works as a personal assistant to an actor on an HBO tv show. She's cool and fun to hang out with, and, on top of that, she introduced me to the post production supervisor of the show (his name is Douglas Hunter). Turns out, he has a short Documentary project that needed an editor. So, I volunteered 10-15 hours per week. As we start to get on the same page with the project, I find out he's a Christian and really easy to work with. So, I share that I, too, am a Christian. Anyways, not that big of a deal, but I'm sure if this short documentary goes well, there could be work waiting for me on his next show.
We'll see -- point is: Opportunities are plentiful, yet still not fully realized. That's good b/c right now I really need to focus on finishing Blood Equity... when it's done, i'm sure something will reveal itself.
thanks for reading all my blabbing. I hope at least some of it was interesting.
-Çollin
Glendale is home to the CSATF, a unmemorable acronym that amounts to Safety Training. I was there today in my final step to become a member of the Local 700 (Motion Picture Editor's Guild). After watching a required 40 minute video, I passed an exam and was handed a 'Safety Passport', which is more or less a joke if taken seriously. It proves valuable when verification is needed of union membership. Ah, an ID book.
CSATF was an interesting place due to the people that congregate there. There are many unions that require members to undergo training (hopefully training that is more relevant and useful than mine)... and by the looks of these people, it's some type of manual labor. These guys were too cool for school 15 years ago but luckily have some sort of union backing now. At first I was intimidated, but one of these burley men sat next to me and seemed to be polite.
Glendale was the end of a long day of travel and meetings. My first destination was Hollywood where I attended an orientation meeting at the Editor's Guild office. A witty and humorous guy talked a group of 5 through the benefits of being in the union -- namely higher pay rates and a good health plan (needing 600 hours to qualify, then 300 to get 6 months coverage). The health care is superb... 100% coverage and if you stay an active member of the union for 15 years (400 hours is a qualifying year) Lifetime Coverage kicks in for you and a spouse. My favorite part of the union is how they make employers do a bunch of stuff for their employees. Namely, employers are required to set aside 5% of an employees earnings into an individual account -- totally separate from the employee and similar to a 401K, but without the missing money from a paycheck. After the orientation, my paperwork was pre-approved and I was sent to Encino (almost as hot as Glendale) to meet with contract services.
Contract Services, the CS of CSATF, is responsible for putting me on the 'Industry Experience Roster'. They manage 17 local unions in Los Angeles, so it was also a pretty crazy visit. Once I'm actually on the roster (20 days from now) I'll officially be in. Then, I can utilize the 'available list' at the Guild Office, where new productions can staff their crew. Apparently, it works b/c you can only be on it for 45 days (they will extend you if necessary, but they made it sound like that's not the usual). I filled out my I-9 tax form and gave the nice lady my paperwork and was then off to Glendale.
Professionally, I'm an Assistant Editor. Please, call me Assistant Editor Collin or Collin the Assistant Editor. Someday soon, I might actually work a union job and reap the benefits of this simple day of travel and sun.
The documentary is going well. The crew traveled to the East Coast to get more interviews today and hopefully will be back with everything on Friday. Ryan (the current co-editor) and I hope to have a semi-fine cut on Sept. 22nd, our last day. I'm hoping the work will keep on a little longer so we can pretty everything up... but hopefully that Sept 22nd cut will be enough for Nehst Studios to purchase the film and from there... I have no idea what will happen. But, more than likely, I'll be looking for my first union job.
Other than Josh's great connections with assistant editors and post-production supervisors in feature films, I have made my own connections in the TV Post-Production world. Two Friday's ago, I visited my friend Jenny (a former driver at Flyer Entertainment) at the Paramount lot where she works as a personal assistant to an actor on an HBO tv show. She's cool and fun to hang out with, and, on top of that, she introduced me to the post production supervisor of the show (his name is Douglas Hunter). Turns out, he has a short Documentary project that needed an editor. So, I volunteered 10-15 hours per week. As we start to get on the same page with the project, I find out he's a Christian and really easy to work with. So, I share that I, too, am a Christian. Anyways, not that big of a deal, but I'm sure if this short documentary goes well, there could be work waiting for me on his next show.
We'll see -- point is: Opportunities are plentiful, yet still not fully realized. That's good b/c right now I really need to focus on finishing Blood Equity... when it's done, i'm sure something will reveal itself.
thanks for reading all my blabbing. I hope at least some of it was interesting.
-Çollin
Friday, August 24, 2007
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
-James 1:2-4
After three full days of mulling things over and not really going to God enough, I finally recalled scripture that pertains to my current plight. I've been trying to put my last few days into perspective: My car breaking down and needing $600 in repair; My roommate getting a really awesome, high paying job (more on this later); My car breaking down again and probably needing another $2,000 in repairs; My vision remaining compromised by my cornea disease... I could go on with other things, but let's break for perspective. Most of my worries and 'struggles' are simply a lack of perspective:
In most other places in the world, a man my age would just be entering his senior year of college (probably a college he was placed in by his government) after spending the first two years after high school in the non-volunteer army. His life was pretty well chosen for him by his genes and by his government. And these men don't have the worst of it -- many other men are going through famines where druglords control international aide. Others must worry about being killed by a stray bomb or an intentional bullet as they carefully live in Baghdad or Kabul. My money issues don't compare to life and death trials.
I don't have to worry about terrorism or armies outside my front door. I certainly haven't had to worry about going hungry. As far as my eyes go, in a lot of other countries I wouldn't have the eye care I've received here in LA and I wouldn't know there was anything I could do to improve vision (if only for a portion of the day) with specially fitted rigid contacts.
All of those issues need perspective. Simple. I don' t have to feel bad about them if I don't want to. In fact, I should probably feel bad that I have it so well while so much of the world suffers more than I will EVER know. But what I do feel is universal in my plight is my desire for what others have been given.
I want to be a feature film editor. I've known this for the last year -- since I decided to move to LA. As I moved to LA, so did my college roommate. In fact, he was able to land an internship at a high-profile production company before we even arrived. I didn't have work and ended up settling for a job at a company that edits movie trailers. In March(ish), my roommate was offered a post-production assistant position on a feature film being produced by the production company he interned for last year (his first 'gig'). He contemplated turning it down or trying to give it to me, but in the end he decided it was best that he take it. I took notice b/c I knew that a Post PA job was exactly the kind of 'in' i needed to start my career in feature editing.
Josh got to know the assistant editor well and they developed a good relationship. Josh left the feature in June to help me edit a feature documentary. The assistant editor asked Josh to follow him to his next job (the new Adam McKay / Will Ferrel movie) in September. As we neared the scheduled end of our documentary, Josh started to contact Alex (the assistant editor) and found out he needed to join the editing guild to secure a job on the movie. Josh started a long two month process to jump thru all the loops the guild maintains.
Josh tells me that the reason he needs to be in the guild is b/c they want to hire him on at a union position -- apprentice editor. This is the next step up from a Post PA and technically only one step below assistant editor. I'm seeing flashes of my future because this is all right up my alley. The only problem is that this is Josh doing all this, not me. For a while, it seemed the guild would prove to have too many hoops to jump through. Josh was getting frustrated and was ready to give up and look for another opportunity in his desired field of work, Writing for TV. But as he traveled back from a weekend excursion with his girlfriend in New Orleans, he was told that all was going to work out and he was hired.
Quick side note: Josh was able to land the internship at the production company because of a free flight my mom gave him. Before Josh's opportunity came up, she was telling me I could use it to fly to LA for an interview. I was unable to secure an interview before Josh. When he told me he finally had one but couldn't make it because he and his family didn't have enough money for a flight, I couldn't in good conscience, hold back the free flight I had at my disposal.
I say this not to seem pompous and bitter, but to say there seems to be something larger than me going on here. God knows my desire and prayers to be an Editor, and yet it is Josh that has and is walking down this path I thought for sure would be mine.
As Josh told me about the great news (including an insanely wonderful salary, Will Ferrel, and working on the nearby Sony Lot), I had a serious case of the 'mixed feelings' bug. Of course I'm happy for him on many levels and proud of him for fighting through the guild. I'm also happy that he'll have an opportunity to be financially secure and set himself up for future success. The only feelings that oppose these are sadness and envy. How can I feel that way even when I don't want to? This is the single greatest professional opportunity in my best friend's life!!!
That's what I've been mulling for three days. Again, that scripture from James:
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
In my mullings, I've realized that I want to be happy about wherever I am in life. It seems that I often get great opportunities and don't realize how much fun it is or how great it is until after its over. Besides missing out on fun, it's just healthier to enjoy where you're at instead of wishing you were elsewhere. In the last three days, I'd have a thought like that and instantly I'd start wishing I had Josh's opportunity instead of what I currently have. Obviously, I'm not considering it a 'great joy'. AAAARGGGHHH!
It's no doubt that Josh's opportunity is exactly what I wish I was doing. But for some reason, God has me here instead of there. For some reason God got Josh on that free flight -- a free flight destined to take someone to LA for an interview. What's that reason?... ?... ?
According to James, the reason is that when I'm tested, my endurance will have a chance to grow. I wrote just a few weeks ago about eagerly awaiting the Kingdom of Heaven -- to the point of violence (in reference to Jesus saying 'violent men will lay claim to the Kingdom of Heaven). Well, here is a chance to grow. I've seen throughout my life that God will reward me when I take a step of faith. I've especially seen this in the last year I've been in LA. Things haven't always worked out how I thought they would, but things have always worked out graciously and beautifully.
Will I sit an blow both an opportunity to be happy for my friend and grow in my endurance by sulking and wishing i had something else?
Or, will I consider it a joy when my feelings are hurt by how things have worked out? I can consider it a joy if I trust God has a gracious and beautiful plan waiting (as He always has). I don't want to have to trust everything will work out -- I want to take things into my own hands. If I'm forced to trust God, I fear I'll get burned (what if he's not real? what if he doesn't want me to be an editor? what if He wants me to do something I don't want to do?).
My faith is in the One who has saved me, saves me, and will save me. I'm not trusting Him for a better job or a job just like Josh's. I will sit and eagerly await the opportunity waiting for the guy who didn't take that free flight to LA. It's not bad for me to want to be an editor, but it may be bad to get upset when it doesn't go the way I want it to.
I think everyone wants what they don't have. Well, really we want things to be easier. God wants us to be great people. Sometimes things have to get hard for us to be the kind of people God desires. That may hurt our feelings b/c someone who loves us disagrees with what is best for us.
I will trust God knows best.
If you get a chance to congratulate Josh Salzberg on his great opportunity, please do so. It's amazing how everything worked out for him, even with the barriers in his way. His job will be official and secure on Monday as far as Josh is concerned (he can't believe it yet), I don't think things will change, but it might be a good idea to hold the congrats until Monday. Thanks for listening and helping me process.
Much Love
Collin
-James 1:2-4
After three full days of mulling things over and not really going to God enough, I finally recalled scripture that pertains to my current plight. I've been trying to put my last few days into perspective: My car breaking down and needing $600 in repair; My roommate getting a really awesome, high paying job (more on this later); My car breaking down again and probably needing another $2,000 in repairs; My vision remaining compromised by my cornea disease... I could go on with other things, but let's break for perspective. Most of my worries and 'struggles' are simply a lack of perspective:
In most other places in the world, a man my age would just be entering his senior year of college (probably a college he was placed in by his government) after spending the first two years after high school in the non-volunteer army. His life was pretty well chosen for him by his genes and by his government. And these men don't have the worst of it -- many other men are going through famines where druglords control international aide. Others must worry about being killed by a stray bomb or an intentional bullet as they carefully live in Baghdad or Kabul. My money issues don't compare to life and death trials.
I don't have to worry about terrorism or armies outside my front door. I certainly haven't had to worry about going hungry. As far as my eyes go, in a lot of other countries I wouldn't have the eye care I've received here in LA and I wouldn't know there was anything I could do to improve vision (if only for a portion of the day) with specially fitted rigid contacts.
All of those issues need perspective. Simple. I don' t have to feel bad about them if I don't want to. In fact, I should probably feel bad that I have it so well while so much of the world suffers more than I will EVER know. But what I do feel is universal in my plight is my desire for what others have been given.
I want to be a feature film editor. I've known this for the last year -- since I decided to move to LA. As I moved to LA, so did my college roommate. In fact, he was able to land an internship at a high-profile production company before we even arrived. I didn't have work and ended up settling for a job at a company that edits movie trailers. In March(ish), my roommate was offered a post-production assistant position on a feature film being produced by the production company he interned for last year (his first 'gig'). He contemplated turning it down or trying to give it to me, but in the end he decided it was best that he take it. I took notice b/c I knew that a Post PA job was exactly the kind of 'in' i needed to start my career in feature editing.
Josh got to know the assistant editor well and they developed a good relationship. Josh left the feature in June to help me edit a feature documentary. The assistant editor asked Josh to follow him to his next job (the new Adam McKay / Will Ferrel movie) in September. As we neared the scheduled end of our documentary, Josh started to contact Alex (the assistant editor) and found out he needed to join the editing guild to secure a job on the movie. Josh started a long two month process to jump thru all the loops the guild maintains.
Josh tells me that the reason he needs to be in the guild is b/c they want to hire him on at a union position -- apprentice editor. This is the next step up from a Post PA and technically only one step below assistant editor. I'm seeing flashes of my future because this is all right up my alley. The only problem is that this is Josh doing all this, not me. For a while, it seemed the guild would prove to have too many hoops to jump through. Josh was getting frustrated and was ready to give up and look for another opportunity in his desired field of work, Writing for TV. But as he traveled back from a weekend excursion with his girlfriend in New Orleans, he was told that all was going to work out and he was hired.
Quick side note: Josh was able to land the internship at the production company because of a free flight my mom gave him. Before Josh's opportunity came up, she was telling me I could use it to fly to LA for an interview. I was unable to secure an interview before Josh. When he told me he finally had one but couldn't make it because he and his family didn't have enough money for a flight, I couldn't in good conscience, hold back the free flight I had at my disposal.
I say this not to seem pompous and bitter, but to say there seems to be something larger than me going on here. God knows my desire and prayers to be an Editor, and yet it is Josh that has and is walking down this path I thought for sure would be mine.
As Josh told me about the great news (including an insanely wonderful salary, Will Ferrel, and working on the nearby Sony Lot), I had a serious case of the 'mixed feelings' bug. Of course I'm happy for him on many levels and proud of him for fighting through the guild. I'm also happy that he'll have an opportunity to be financially secure and set himself up for future success. The only feelings that oppose these are sadness and envy. How can I feel that way even when I don't want to? This is the single greatest professional opportunity in my best friend's life!!!
That's what I've been mulling for three days. Again, that scripture from James:
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
In my mullings, I've realized that I want to be happy about wherever I am in life. It seems that I often get great opportunities and don't realize how much fun it is or how great it is until after its over. Besides missing out on fun, it's just healthier to enjoy where you're at instead of wishing you were elsewhere. In the last three days, I'd have a thought like that and instantly I'd start wishing I had Josh's opportunity instead of what I currently have. Obviously, I'm not considering it a 'great joy'. AAAARGGGHHH!
It's no doubt that Josh's opportunity is exactly what I wish I was doing. But for some reason, God has me here instead of there. For some reason God got Josh on that free flight -- a free flight destined to take someone to LA for an interview. What's that reason?... ?... ?
According to James, the reason is that when I'm tested, my endurance will have a chance to grow. I wrote just a few weeks ago about eagerly awaiting the Kingdom of Heaven -- to the point of violence (in reference to Jesus saying 'violent men will lay claim to the Kingdom of Heaven). Well, here is a chance to grow. I've seen throughout my life that God will reward me when I take a step of faith. I've especially seen this in the last year I've been in LA. Things haven't always worked out how I thought they would, but things have always worked out graciously and beautifully.
Will I sit an blow both an opportunity to be happy for my friend and grow in my endurance by sulking and wishing i had something else?
Or, will I consider it a joy when my feelings are hurt by how things have worked out? I can consider it a joy if I trust God has a gracious and beautiful plan waiting (as He always has). I don't want to have to trust everything will work out -- I want to take things into my own hands. If I'm forced to trust God, I fear I'll get burned (what if he's not real? what if he doesn't want me to be an editor? what if He wants me to do something I don't want to do?).
My faith is in the One who has saved me, saves me, and will save me. I'm not trusting Him for a better job or a job just like Josh's. I will sit and eagerly await the opportunity waiting for the guy who didn't take that free flight to LA. It's not bad for me to want to be an editor, but it may be bad to get upset when it doesn't go the way I want it to.
I think everyone wants what they don't have. Well, really we want things to be easier. God wants us to be great people. Sometimes things have to get hard for us to be the kind of people God desires. That may hurt our feelings b/c someone who loves us disagrees with what is best for us.
I will trust God knows best.
If you get a chance to congratulate Josh Salzberg on his great opportunity, please do so. It's amazing how everything worked out for him, even with the barriers in his way. His job will be official and secure on Monday as far as Josh is concerned (he can't believe it yet), I don't think things will change, but it might be a good idea to hold the congrats until Monday. Thanks for listening and helping me process.
Much Love
Collin
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Void
From Eric Bryant @ Mosaic:
(paraphrased)
I'm convinced that the early church was looked at as being kinda weird. I mean, think about it: They claimed that God became man and walked around the earth. Then he was killed (GOD was killed!!!) and then he rose from the dead and soon gave His Holy Spirit to those who would follow him. Back in the day, those were some pretty 'out there' beliefs. But something interesting was happening in the early church... let's look at Acts Chapter 2 -- starting in verse 42.
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Look at verse 44! That's amazing! Something had happened inside of them, they had changed so much that whenever someone had need, they would sell their stuff to help them out. People back in the days of the early church KNEW they could come for help. They KNEW they would be helped. Not just some superficial help or a smile -- these early believers were sacrificing to help people in need.
I'm sure the people that lived with these early Christians were like, "Well, they have some crazy beliefs but I KNOW they will help me if i ask."
It's obvious that the early church was transformed by Jesus. Here's another example: Look at verse47. "praising God and ENJOYING THE FAVOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE." They actually enjoyed ALL PEOPLE. Obviously something supernatural is going on here because we all know it's not humanly possible to love all people. When Jesus is asked 'Which is the greatest commandment?", He answers with, "Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus wasn't confused. He knows how we work... how we think.
A lot of us out there have no problem loving God. One of the favorite sayings of people working for the church is, 'ministry would be great if it wasn't for the people.' Those of us who say or think like that have no problem loving God. But then there are some of us who love other people. We are always around them and they give us life. But what Jesus is saying is to really be able to love other people, you need to love God. Likewise, if you really love God, you will love all people.
Back in Acts 2:47, we see that the last thing it says is 'the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.' This is fascinating. Again, these early Christians had some pretty 'out there' beliefs. I'm convinced it wasn't their beliefs that captivated friends, family and neighbors. These people were captivated by the early Christians' character. Character, not beliefs.
In Los Angeles, where millions and millions of people live, it's easy to see someone in need and think, "Oh, someone else is taking care of them." God has done amazing things through strangers, but I'm talking more about people that are already in your life. People are amazingly open to new ideas at points of transition -- death of a brother, change of jobs, moving, birth of a child. People in your life often go through these transition times.
When my wife and I moved to Los Angeles 10 years ago, we had a hard time finding the right part of town to live in. In our first 6 months, we lived in 4 different places. Through all of this, we started attending a small group from Mosaic. When it came time for us to move again, our entire small group came to our home and spent an entire Saturday helping us pack and move. Like I said, we were new to the city... we barely knew any of these people. But their actions spoke volumes about who they were.
Think about those people in your life -- were there is already a relationship. Sometimes you just feel like you need a hug. Instead of asking someone else for a hug, find someone that needs a hug more than you do. As the early church demonstrated, put others before yourself (with supernatural help). And, every time I've hugged someone, they've hugged back... (except for my mother-in-law).
In the early church, it was more about character than beliefs. Now-a-days, people don't care so much about where they're going after they die. Some might tell them they're going to hell after they die if they don't have a certain set of beliefs -- and this may be true. BUT, they feel like they're in hell now... in THIS moment. 'What will God do for me now?' they ask.
Show these people in you life that your care for them. Just as with the early church, do people know that they can come to you when it all goes wrong?... when they transition?
If you're on the fence a little bit about what Jesus said (love God AND love your neighbor), maybe you need to do what I did. (to make a long story short) I admitted that I didn't love people (it was easy to love God...). I knew that I needed Jesus' help. I asked Jesus for help and ever since then, my life has been radically changed. You can go to Jesus and ask him for help... and you can trust that He will be there for you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Inspired partially by this sermon (Titled "Curry Favor" if you do a search on iTunes for Mosaic Podcast) and partially by an inner calling to do so, I'm asking Jesus to help me. I don't quite know what is wrong, but there is certainly a void present in my soul. I don't know how long it's been there b/c I've been so busy I've barely had time to think about this stuff. I'm seeking help by faithfully reading scripture and praying for 15-20 minutes every day for the next 40 days. I don't really know what will come of this, but i do know that it can only be good.
As Eric said above, I don't think I really have much in common with the early church.
Anyways, I'm curious as to what will happen in the next 40 days. I'll be sure and update the blog (as always) so others can see what happens.
Thanks for listening!
-Collin
(paraphrased)
I'm convinced that the early church was looked at as being kinda weird. I mean, think about it: They claimed that God became man and walked around the earth. Then he was killed (GOD was killed!!!) and then he rose from the dead and soon gave His Holy Spirit to those who would follow him. Back in the day, those were some pretty 'out there' beliefs. But something interesting was happening in the early church... let's look at Acts Chapter 2 -- starting in verse 42.
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Look at verse 44! That's amazing! Something had happened inside of them, they had changed so much that whenever someone had need, they would sell their stuff to help them out. People back in the days of the early church KNEW they could come for help. They KNEW they would be helped. Not just some superficial help or a smile -- these early believers were sacrificing to help people in need.
I'm sure the people that lived with these early Christians were like, "Well, they have some crazy beliefs but I KNOW they will help me if i ask."
It's obvious that the early church was transformed by Jesus. Here's another example: Look at verse47. "praising God and ENJOYING THE FAVOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE." They actually enjoyed ALL PEOPLE. Obviously something supernatural is going on here because we all know it's not humanly possible to love all people. When Jesus is asked 'Which is the greatest commandment?", He answers with, "Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus wasn't confused. He knows how we work... how we think.
A lot of us out there have no problem loving God. One of the favorite sayings of people working for the church is, 'ministry would be great if it wasn't for the people.' Those of us who say or think like that have no problem loving God. But then there are some of us who love other people. We are always around them and they give us life. But what Jesus is saying is to really be able to love other people, you need to love God. Likewise, if you really love God, you will love all people.
Back in Acts 2:47, we see that the last thing it says is 'the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.' This is fascinating. Again, these early Christians had some pretty 'out there' beliefs. I'm convinced it wasn't their beliefs that captivated friends, family and neighbors. These people were captivated by the early Christians' character. Character, not beliefs.
In Los Angeles, where millions and millions of people live, it's easy to see someone in need and think, "Oh, someone else is taking care of them." God has done amazing things through strangers, but I'm talking more about people that are already in your life. People are amazingly open to new ideas at points of transition -- death of a brother, change of jobs, moving, birth of a child. People in your life often go through these transition times.
When my wife and I moved to Los Angeles 10 years ago, we had a hard time finding the right part of town to live in. In our first 6 months, we lived in 4 different places. Through all of this, we started attending a small group from Mosaic. When it came time for us to move again, our entire small group came to our home and spent an entire Saturday helping us pack and move. Like I said, we were new to the city... we barely knew any of these people. But their actions spoke volumes about who they were.
Think about those people in your life -- were there is already a relationship. Sometimes you just feel like you need a hug. Instead of asking someone else for a hug, find someone that needs a hug more than you do. As the early church demonstrated, put others before yourself (with supernatural help). And, every time I've hugged someone, they've hugged back... (except for my mother-in-law).
In the early church, it was more about character than beliefs. Now-a-days, people don't care so much about where they're going after they die. Some might tell them they're going to hell after they die if they don't have a certain set of beliefs -- and this may be true. BUT, they feel like they're in hell now... in THIS moment. 'What will God do for me now?' they ask.
Show these people in you life that your care for them. Just as with the early church, do people know that they can come to you when it all goes wrong?... when they transition?
If you're on the fence a little bit about what Jesus said (love God AND love your neighbor), maybe you need to do what I did. (to make a long story short) I admitted that I didn't love people (it was easy to love God...). I knew that I needed Jesus' help. I asked Jesus for help and ever since then, my life has been radically changed. You can go to Jesus and ask him for help... and you can trust that He will be there for you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Inspired partially by this sermon (Titled "Curry Favor" if you do a search on iTunes for Mosaic Podcast) and partially by an inner calling to do so, I'm asking Jesus to help me. I don't quite know what is wrong, but there is certainly a void present in my soul. I don't know how long it's been there b/c I've been so busy I've barely had time to think about this stuff. I'm seeking help by faithfully reading scripture and praying for 15-20 minutes every day for the next 40 days. I don't really know what will come of this, but i do know that it can only be good.
As Eric said above, I don't think I really have much in common with the early church.
Anyways, I'm curious as to what will happen in the next 40 days. I'll be sure and update the blog (as always) so others can see what happens.
Thanks for listening!
-Collin
Monday, August 06, 2007
2 Weeks
I met a girl named Abi. She's 28 and starting a five year graduate school program at Wheaton. She's going to be a psychologist. I also met a guy named Norm. He's 52 and has been working with video since before I was born. Norm's been a pastor, video editor and a systems analyst for University of Nebraska - Lincoln. They were pretty much my older sister and brother for the last two weeks. I had some good times with them as we volunteered for the Media Team at the National Youth Gathering (for the Lutheran Church) in Orlando, Florida. One night, we all went out for some drinks at the hotel bar. We sat and talked and laughed for almost five hours.
I told Abi that it seems that I may have missed the 'boat' when I didn't land a wife in college. We talked about how hard it is to meet people on your own time. She said this to me:
"Collin, that's not your path. Look at Todd and Kelly --- both just graduated college; Todd's going to seminary; Kelly is teaching first grade: They are so.... (she gestures with her hands)... perfect and normal. That's not your path. God has a different idea in mind for you."
Abi is probably the coolest girl I've met in a while. Back in June when I first met her, she was rather intimidating. Her personality is strong and she has quick wit. I think she thought of me as more an adult than a college kid. I like that.
Norm was my roommate for the 9 days I stayed in Orlando. Norm is married with a 13 year-old son. He is meticulous in all his work -- probably to the detriment of a deadline driven 'bottom line'. We'd talk every night before we went to sleep. It was cool t hear about his life... a lot of it was personal stuff that I don't want to share. But I felt very normal and comfortable around Norm and he gave me lots of respect b/c of my background in video and my career field.
Both Norm and Abi made the 9 days bearable. Without them... it would have been tough.
I wasn't getting paid but there were tight deadlines and long hours. On average, I went to bed at 2am and got up at 8:30. I'd break for dinner for an hour -- but that was my only break. But I learned lots of positive things thru my experience:
1. I can stay in a room and edit all day for several days in a row and do nothing but work. Before the Gathering, I didn't know if I 'had it in me'.
2. A hierarchy is important to getting things done. Without it, there is an uneven workload and time is wasted.
3. I actually felt comfortable editing -- like I knew what I was doing. I also lacked that confidence going into the Gathering. For each project I worked on, I had a method and reason to all my work. I completed the work in a short amount of time and it was quality. That gives me confidence that I am doing something right.
I'd consider working for the Gathering again -- I'd be much more inclined to do it if there were some sort of pay involved. Under usual circumstances I could not afford to take 7 work days off in a row. However, the people I've met made an impact on my life and if the Gathering is the only way I can be with them again -- I may not require compensation.
------------------------------------
The other side of the 2 Weeks is my employment status. In two more weeks, I'll be officually unemployed.
Josh ' "There is no reason that in two weeks you can't have the job you want."
That's encouraging. But just as when I waited for a job last September, I can't help but be a little anxious. i sent my resume to a Post House in Santa Monica that was looking for an assistant editor/editor type. it paid $20/hour and they claim to work on indie films. That job would be sweet. And there is also the possibility of a Post PA job on a feature film thru Josh's connection with the Will Ferrel/Adam McKay editing crew. Here is how that stuff breaks down:
Post PA (non guild) $650/week
Post PA / Apprentice (guild member) $1,050/week
Assistant Editor (guild member) $2,000/week
(all salaries are minimum payment)
Josh seems to think I can do it -- please pray he is right.
I may be able to join a crew as a Post PA and then after that job move in to an apprenticeship. Or some other job could come into play. It should be pretty exciting in the mean time.
\
-C
I told Abi that it seems that I may have missed the 'boat' when I didn't land a wife in college. We talked about how hard it is to meet people on your own time. She said this to me:
"Collin, that's not your path. Look at Todd and Kelly --- both just graduated college; Todd's going to seminary; Kelly is teaching first grade: They are so.... (she gestures with her hands)... perfect and normal. That's not your path. God has a different idea in mind for you."
Abi is probably the coolest girl I've met in a while. Back in June when I first met her, she was rather intimidating. Her personality is strong and she has quick wit. I think she thought of me as more an adult than a college kid. I like that.
Norm was my roommate for the 9 days I stayed in Orlando. Norm is married with a 13 year-old son. He is meticulous in all his work -- probably to the detriment of a deadline driven 'bottom line'. We'd talk every night before we went to sleep. It was cool t hear about his life... a lot of it was personal stuff that I don't want to share. But I felt very normal and comfortable around Norm and he gave me lots of respect b/c of my background in video and my career field.
Both Norm and Abi made the 9 days bearable. Without them... it would have been tough.
I wasn't getting paid but there were tight deadlines and long hours. On average, I went to bed at 2am and got up at 8:30. I'd break for dinner for an hour -- but that was my only break. But I learned lots of positive things thru my experience:
1. I can stay in a room and edit all day for several days in a row and do nothing but work. Before the Gathering, I didn't know if I 'had it in me'.
2. A hierarchy is important to getting things done. Without it, there is an uneven workload and time is wasted.
3. I actually felt comfortable editing -- like I knew what I was doing. I also lacked that confidence going into the Gathering. For each project I worked on, I had a method and reason to all my work. I completed the work in a short amount of time and it was quality. That gives me confidence that I am doing something right.
I'd consider working for the Gathering again -- I'd be much more inclined to do it if there were some sort of pay involved. Under usual circumstances I could not afford to take 7 work days off in a row. However, the people I've met made an impact on my life and if the Gathering is the only way I can be with them again -- I may not require compensation.
------------------------------------
The other side of the 2 Weeks is my employment status. In two more weeks, I'll be officually unemployed.
Josh ' "There is no reason that in two weeks you can't have the job you want."
That's encouraging. But just as when I waited for a job last September, I can't help but be a little anxious. i sent my resume to a Post House in Santa Monica that was looking for an assistant editor/editor type. it paid $20/hour and they claim to work on indie films. That job would be sweet. And there is also the possibility of a Post PA job on a feature film thru Josh's connection with the Will Ferrel/Adam McKay editing crew. Here is how that stuff breaks down:
Post PA (non guild) $650/week
Post PA / Apprentice (guild member) $1,050/week
Assistant Editor (guild member) $2,000/week
(all salaries are minimum payment)
Josh seems to think I can do it -- please pray he is right.
I may be able to join a crew as a Post PA and then after that job move in to an apprenticeship. Or some other job could come into play. It should be pretty exciting in the mean time.
\
-C
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Highlander Highs
So much learned! I spent a weekend up in the mountains with 27 guys... well, 270 guys, but I really got to know about 27. We participated in events under the tribe name 'Wallace'. We weren't the most athletic collection of guys nor the smartest. I loved them all more because of that. We suffered a lot of losing -- more than any other tribe. Out of 15 events, we scored 44 points which is rather low considering ranking 1st in any of the 15 events gave your tribe 12 points.
1st - 12 points.
2nd -- 9.
3rd -- 6.
4th -- 5.
5th -- 4.
6th -- 3.
7th -- 2.
8th -- 1.
9th or 10th -- 0.
I participated in both ping pong and ultimate frisbee. I had a terrible cold the whole weekend and, as was everyone else, had to adjust to the high altitude. We ended up taking 1st place in ultimate frisbee against really tough competition. Every team was made of big, buff football player types. One teammate commented to me that every time he looked over, "i was getting pummeled into the ground." His statement was accurate although I didn't sustain any long term injuries from my collisions. I did attain glory forever by being part of a team of underachievers who battled and played their guts out to beat some great teams.
Game 1: 7-2 (6 minutes to get to 7 points)
Game 2: 7-6 (30 minutes to get to 7 points -- after being down 5-3 after 20 minutes)
Game 3: 7-5 (30 minutes with our only sub cramping up at the 25 minute mark)
It was such an honor because we knew we were good, but on paper we didn't stack up at all. After one of my collisions that literally knocked the snot out of my nose, I laid on the ground after I stopped rolling. The opposing teammate that collided with me was apparently ok because he sarcastically told me to 'get up' -- I wondered if he noticed the temporary bruise I left on his bicep.
We just kept making crisp passes and playing a fundamental game. The guys fought really hard and brought some pride back to the Wallace tribe that also managed to place 2nd in an event called 'Amazing Race'. But the most uplifting time came later that Saturday night during some small group discussion time.
David Arcos challenged us to live lives where we give as much to every day activities as we gave to the games we played that day. He said those words, and i literally thought to myself, "I'd die if I gave that much on a constant basis." I tried to dismiss his notion. We broke up into small groups and David and I ended up in the same group. A thought came to mind during this moment of transition -- I think it was from God: Those who seek to keep their life will lose it. Those who seek to give their lives will find it. That's close to being a direct scripture quote -- and I've never memorized that before -- but somehow it was suddenly in my head. I shared it with David and he agreed it was a related thought. I kinda thought about it more as we started our discussion.
I know that there are so many things I don't give my all to -- well, I haven't given my all to much at all recently -- maybe the frisbee game came close to getting most of my all. What would it look like if I put all my energy toward the documentary I'm working on? What would it look like if I gave my all to whatever I was doing at the time? I bet it would look a lot different than it does now and I bet I'd feel a lot better about what I was doing. As with the frisbee team, I was glad we won b/c we were rewarded for our effort. but I would have been just as glad to be on that team had we lost. I gave a lot and so did the other guys -- we honored each other.
David asked me why I moved to Los Angeles. I told him the long and incredible story of how I started in Istanbul, Turkey drove thru Utah and ended up in a free house for 5 months. I told him I wanted to be an editor. I told him that I felt there was something for me in Los Angeles that I couldn't get anywhere else in the world -- perhaps it was the film industry, but I was also open to it being a relational type thing were I'll get to have an impact on some one's life here -- an impact that is going to set off lots of other impacts. (I also added in the whole relational thing because I was talking to a church worker (David) and a church volunteer (Adam), so I didn't want to sound, you know, too centered on myself or anything. In truth, I'm not more focused on one or the other... but I wanted to cover my trails).
David said, "If you're going to be an editor, you have to be great. You'll be in positions that nobody else will be able to be in -- you'll be the only reflection of God in that place. Be a great editor, Collin." I liked how he tied in the relational and the work aspect of it. I was motivated to be great. Then he added some more.
"I was reading Matthew the other day and I came to a point that kind of jarred me. I was literally getting ready to feed my baby when I read this and just paused in thought.
Matthew 11:12 -- "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." I was thinking to myself, 'What is a violent man in this context?' And this whole time my baby is in the high chair crying because I'm not feeding him. I go back into thought... 'What is it to violently take the kingdom of heaven by force?' I look up, and my son is pounding his fists on the high chair, screaming, kicking, crying for food. He was to the point of violence -- so eager in anticipation of being fed. The men who tap into the kingdom of heaven do so in violent anticipation of joining with God in his mission. Be a great and violent man in anticipation of joining God's mission."
This really stuck with me. In looking up the verse in a different translation, it reads like this:
NIV
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Thank you, Highlander. Thank you David Arcos. Thank you God for sharing with me.
-C
1st - 12 points.
2nd -- 9.
3rd -- 6.
4th -- 5.
5th -- 4.
6th -- 3.
7th -- 2.
8th -- 1.
9th or 10th -- 0.
I participated in both ping pong and ultimate frisbee. I had a terrible cold the whole weekend and, as was everyone else, had to adjust to the high altitude. We ended up taking 1st place in ultimate frisbee against really tough competition. Every team was made of big, buff football player types. One teammate commented to me that every time he looked over, "i was getting pummeled into the ground." His statement was accurate although I didn't sustain any long term injuries from my collisions. I did attain glory forever by being part of a team of underachievers who battled and played their guts out to beat some great teams.
Game 1: 7-2 (6 minutes to get to 7 points)
Game 2: 7-6 (30 minutes to get to 7 points -- after being down 5-3 after 20 minutes)
Game 3: 7-5 (30 minutes with our only sub cramping up at the 25 minute mark)
It was such an honor because we knew we were good, but on paper we didn't stack up at all. After one of my collisions that literally knocked the snot out of my nose, I laid on the ground after I stopped rolling. The opposing teammate that collided with me was apparently ok because he sarcastically told me to 'get up' -- I wondered if he noticed the temporary bruise I left on his bicep.
We just kept making crisp passes and playing a fundamental game. The guys fought really hard and brought some pride back to the Wallace tribe that also managed to place 2nd in an event called 'Amazing Race'. But the most uplifting time came later that Saturday night during some small group discussion time.
David Arcos challenged us to live lives where we give as much to every day activities as we gave to the games we played that day. He said those words, and i literally thought to myself, "I'd die if I gave that much on a constant basis." I tried to dismiss his notion. We broke up into small groups and David and I ended up in the same group. A thought came to mind during this moment of transition -- I think it was from God: Those who seek to keep their life will lose it. Those who seek to give their lives will find it. That's close to being a direct scripture quote -- and I've never memorized that before -- but somehow it was suddenly in my head. I shared it with David and he agreed it was a related thought. I kinda thought about it more as we started our discussion.
I know that there are so many things I don't give my all to -- well, I haven't given my all to much at all recently -- maybe the frisbee game came close to getting most of my all. What would it look like if I put all my energy toward the documentary I'm working on? What would it look like if I gave my all to whatever I was doing at the time? I bet it would look a lot different than it does now and I bet I'd feel a lot better about what I was doing. As with the frisbee team, I was glad we won b/c we were rewarded for our effort. but I would have been just as glad to be on that team had we lost. I gave a lot and so did the other guys -- we honored each other.
David asked me why I moved to Los Angeles. I told him the long and incredible story of how I started in Istanbul, Turkey drove thru Utah and ended up in a free house for 5 months. I told him I wanted to be an editor. I told him that I felt there was something for me in Los Angeles that I couldn't get anywhere else in the world -- perhaps it was the film industry, but I was also open to it being a relational type thing were I'll get to have an impact on some one's life here -- an impact that is going to set off lots of other impacts. (I also added in the whole relational thing because I was talking to a church worker (David) and a church volunteer (Adam), so I didn't want to sound, you know, too centered on myself or anything. In truth, I'm not more focused on one or the other... but I wanted to cover my trails).
David said, "If you're going to be an editor, you have to be great. You'll be in positions that nobody else will be able to be in -- you'll be the only reflection of God in that place. Be a great editor, Collin." I liked how he tied in the relational and the work aspect of it. I was motivated to be great. Then he added some more.
"I was reading Matthew the other day and I came to a point that kind of jarred me. I was literally getting ready to feed my baby when I read this and just paused in thought.
Matthew 11:12 -- "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." I was thinking to myself, 'What is a violent man in this context?' And this whole time my baby is in the high chair crying because I'm not feeding him. I go back into thought... 'What is it to violently take the kingdom of heaven by force?' I look up, and my son is pounding his fists on the high chair, screaming, kicking, crying for food. He was to the point of violence -- so eager in anticipation of being fed. The men who tap into the kingdom of heaven do so in violent anticipation of joining with God in his mission. Be a great and violent man in anticipation of joining God's mission."
This really stuck with me. In looking up the verse in a different translation, it reads like this:
NIV
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Amplified
And from the days of John the Baptist until the present time, the kingdom of heaven has endured violent assault, and violent men seize it by force [as a precious prize--a share in the heavenly kingdom is sought with most ardent zeal and intense exertion].
I think of it this way: Be forceful in seeking to join God's great mission on earth -- (which is) Jesus came not to condemn, but that the world might be saved (John 3:17).
Thank you, Highlander. Thank you David Arcos. Thank you God for sharing with me.
-C
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A Doc and Mystery
Editing a documentary is pretty much what I expected it to be. Josh and I just built a 8 minute preview piece that includes two full stories and little tidbits from the supporting cast. This piece is going to a graphics house first to get some better titles and motion graphics, then it will be going to a possible buyer on Wednesday or Thursday. This 'buyer' is associated with Jerry Weintrab (the producer of the 'Oceans' movies).
Hopes are that he will either buy the doc himself (that would be nice) or he'll take it around Hollywood and get it sold to another studio/distribution company. Worst case scenario is he doesn't do either one of those options but instead says he will conditionally buy/sell it based on what he thinks of the final cut of the feature. This is worst case (but not a bad option, either) because that would force our current group of producers to be even more in a rush to get the doc done.
Josh and I have already agreed to get it done by August 10th. Tapes were done digitizing just 2 weeks ago -- meaning that the entire feature needs to be turned around in just 2 months. This is no small feat -- especially for a documentary where there isn't a script (yet). I'm confident we'll get it done in the alloted time, but a normal doc would be given 3-6 months to assemble and another 2-3 months to finish (including color correction, sound mix, graphics, printing to final format).
Anyways, we'll know more about the destiny of this film in a couple of weeks when Weintrab's guy gets back to our producers. Look for the film on cable TV or theaters between September and the Superbowl (that's my prediction).
On a different note, I spoke with Sonja a couple of nights ago. I'm glad we got to talk. (Sonja and I dated from Summer '02 - Summer '06). Some interesting things came up in the conversation: She asked me about last August when I left for LA -- which forced me to think about it a little bit.
I was soooo ready to get out of Dodge last summer that I left in a reckless manner. I was not running from people or places but from expectations and plans. Up until Turkey, I didn't have any mystery in my life -- everything was more or less expected and thought out. Dan Piippo opened up my mind to mystery and the 'unknown' and suddenly moving to Los Angeles was an adventure I had to take. I wasn't moving b/c I was following my dreams or because I was courageous (although the journey would coincidentally include both my dreams and courage). I was moving out of the expected into mystery (physically and spiritually as it were -- spiritually b/c my view of God changed more to thinking of God as wonderful and mysterious as opposed to "I know God personally and He has a wonderful plan for my life"). When Sonja and others wished me well on my journey (or tried to), I was much more excited about my lack of expectations than anything (would I be well as everyone wished?... I didn't know and that was glorious!).
Sonja and I talked about our feelings for each other as well. Without being gushy, I still like Sonja and would like a chance to date her in a non-long-distance setting. She feels the same way, which is way cool. The only problem: She just completed year 1 (of 3) of graduate school in Chicago. I don't know what's going to happen, obviously, but best case is that she moves out here to finish graduate school or after she's done with school in Chicago. Other-case scenario is she never moves out here and nothing happens with us.
A life of mystery has it's perks.
-Peace Out.
Hopes are that he will either buy the doc himself (that would be nice) or he'll take it around Hollywood and get it sold to another studio/distribution company. Worst case scenario is he doesn't do either one of those options but instead says he will conditionally buy/sell it based on what he thinks of the final cut of the feature. This is worst case (but not a bad option, either) because that would force our current group of producers to be even more in a rush to get the doc done.
Josh and I have already agreed to get it done by August 10th. Tapes were done digitizing just 2 weeks ago -- meaning that the entire feature needs to be turned around in just 2 months. This is no small feat -- especially for a documentary where there isn't a script (yet). I'm confident we'll get it done in the alloted time, but a normal doc would be given 3-6 months to assemble and another 2-3 months to finish (including color correction, sound mix, graphics, printing to final format).
Anyways, we'll know more about the destiny of this film in a couple of weeks when Weintrab's guy gets back to our producers. Look for the film on cable TV or theaters between September and the Superbowl (that's my prediction).
On a different note, I spoke with Sonja a couple of nights ago. I'm glad we got to talk. (Sonja and I dated from Summer '02 - Summer '06). Some interesting things came up in the conversation: She asked me about last August when I left for LA -- which forced me to think about it a little bit.
I was soooo ready to get out of Dodge last summer that I left in a reckless manner. I was not running from people or places but from expectations and plans. Up until Turkey, I didn't have any mystery in my life -- everything was more or less expected and thought out. Dan Piippo opened up my mind to mystery and the 'unknown' and suddenly moving to Los Angeles was an adventure I had to take. I wasn't moving b/c I was following my dreams or because I was courageous (although the journey would coincidentally include both my dreams and courage). I was moving out of the expected into mystery (physically and spiritually as it were -- spiritually b/c my view of God changed more to thinking of God as wonderful and mysterious as opposed to "I know God personally and He has a wonderful plan for my life"). When Sonja and others wished me well on my journey (or tried to), I was much more excited about my lack of expectations than anything (would I be well as everyone wished?... I didn't know and that was glorious!).
Sonja and I talked about our feelings for each other as well. Without being gushy, I still like Sonja and would like a chance to date her in a non-long-distance setting. She feels the same way, which is way cool. The only problem: She just completed year 1 (of 3) of graduate school in Chicago. I don't know what's going to happen, obviously, but best case is that she moves out here to finish graduate school or after she's done with school in Chicago. Other-case scenario is she never moves out here and nothing happens with us.
A life of mystery has it's perks.
-Peace Out.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Do you ever have an injury that won't heal? My ankle has been bummin' for the past month or so and it doesn't seem to be fully healing. Just when it starts to feel good I tweak it again and I move backwards a couple of days in the healing process. It's like, 'Yeah, it hurts, but it doesn't hurt enough to go to the doctor, and it doesn't feel good enough to be able to do normal activities'. I think it's slowly getting better but I'm getting a little impatient.
There are some things in my life right now that seem to mirror my obvious physical defect: I just quit my job and left behind some really great people. It sucks to even think about them because I get sad. I mean, I'm not going to cry over it but it's not something I want to think about all the time either. The point is it kinda hurts. I spent 40-55 hours a week with those people for the past 9 months...
But just as with my ankle, life keeps on moving. I don't really have time to stop and think about how much I'll miss the Flyer gang. There may be times every once in a while where I tweak a memory of Flyer and it brings back pain. But I know that I will slowly heal and adjust.
Sometimes I wonder, though...
Would my ankle heal faster if I didn't walk on it for a week? What if I got crutches and made a dedicated effort to not use it for one week? I bet it would heal fast! Of course, I'm too proud to go to the doctor and get crutches. Maybe more important than my ankle is my heart and soul: What if I took a day and just really appreciated the people I'll be missing at Flyer. I could send them each cards and 'thank you' notes for all the help they've given me. I'm sure that would give me a much greater sense of closure and confidence as I move forward. And just as with my ankle, I would heal and move on much faster if I'd let the pain take me off my feet.
I think life is moving , though. Right now I don't have time to take a week off my feet or a day to write cards to people at Flyer. I'm moving in a positive direction for my career and that's great. I hope there's time in the future where I can appreciate everyone I've met and take some time off my feet to let old injuries heal. Where's the balance?
-C
There are some things in my life right now that seem to mirror my obvious physical defect: I just quit my job and left behind some really great people. It sucks to even think about them because I get sad. I mean, I'm not going to cry over it but it's not something I want to think about all the time either. The point is it kinda hurts. I spent 40-55 hours a week with those people for the past 9 months...
But just as with my ankle, life keeps on moving. I don't really have time to stop and think about how much I'll miss the Flyer gang. There may be times every once in a while where I tweak a memory of Flyer and it brings back pain. But I know that I will slowly heal and adjust.
Sometimes I wonder, though...
Would my ankle heal faster if I didn't walk on it for a week? What if I got crutches and made a dedicated effort to not use it for one week? I bet it would heal fast! Of course, I'm too proud to go to the doctor and get crutches. Maybe more important than my ankle is my heart and soul: What if I took a day and just really appreciated the people I'll be missing at Flyer. I could send them each cards and 'thank you' notes for all the help they've given me. I'm sure that would give me a much greater sense of closure and confidence as I move forward. And just as with my ankle, I would heal and move on much faster if I'd let the pain take me off my feet.
I think life is moving , though. Right now I don't have time to take a week off my feet or a day to write cards to people at Flyer. I'm moving in a positive direction for my career and that's great. I hope there's time in the future where I can appreciate everyone I've met and take some time off my feet to let old injuries heal. Where's the balance?
-C
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
ambiguous truth
"the truth is..."
"i believe..."
In reading about the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, I was reminded of something I believe (maybe some people would say, "I was reminded of a truth."): The truth is really ambiguous these days! You may recall that Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium 210 several months ago in the UK. At first, officials didn't know what was wrong with the man -- they soon discovered he came into contact with lethal doses of the radioactive element. Many other people in and around London also came into contact with the element; thankfully nobody else suffered the horrendous death Litvinenko suffered. UK officials were able to discover 'a trail of radiation' through London and have since charged a Russian man with murder (although Russia will not extradite him).
Here are Litvinenko's (husband and father of a 12 year old son) last words:
"May God forgive you for what you have done, not only to me, but to beloved Russia and its people." (Speaking to Russian President Putin)
The man who is accused of this incomprehensible murder denies any involvement! And I quote:
"I did not kill Litvinenko, have nothing to do with his death and can prove (it) with facts(.) (I have) my distrust of the so-called evidence collected by Britain's justice system." (parentheses added, obviously something didn't translate correctly between Russian and English)
A whole country (UK) investigated this crime and through 'facts' and 'evidence' have accused a man. The accused claims he can refute evidence collect by Britain with facts of his own.
In other words, Britain has a set of facts that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, prove a certain man killed Litvinenko. This certain man has his own set of facts that he feels proves his lack of involvement.
POINT:
Who is telling the truth? Both have facts and evidence on their side.
I think it comes down to what you believe. Do you believe the accused killed Litvinenko? Do you believe the accused is innocent? I tend to side with Britain, our allies, on the matter -- but that has nothing to do with facts -- just beliefs. Would I feel the same way if I was Russian and didn't view Britain as an ally?
To expand, I know of several people who have been sentenced to punishment for crimes they did not commit. We have all heard of men accused of rape and sentenced to prison time accordingly, who are later cleared due to DNA evidence. I imagine in their trials, they had evidence and facts to prove their innocence -- as did the prosecution to prove otherwise. It came down to what the jury believed. Question: Who had the 'more convincing facts'? Should facts have to be convincing?
The BIGGER QUESTION: Is it bad to base beliefs on facts?
Follow-up: Is the answer as black and white as 'yes' or 'no'?
-------------------------------------------------------
Just for my own sake, I'm going to expand on this a bit:
If i were to answer 'yes', as in , "Yes, it is bad to base beliefs on facts", what would I, then, say beliefs should be based on? Emotions? Intuition? Popular Opinion?
If I were to answer 'no', as in, "No, it is not bad to base beliefs on facts", how do I account for facts that can prove people both innocent and guilty of crimes? It seems if you have a belief, you can find facts to support it.
I still believe that beliefs are important to have. I'm confused, however, on how to support my beliefs when they are questioned (ie, encounter beleifs in opposition to my own).
Boo-Ya Ka Sha, Respect and Love
-Collin
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/05/22/uk.spy/index.html
"i believe..."
In reading about the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, I was reminded of something I believe (maybe some people would say, "I was reminded of a truth."): The truth is really ambiguous these days! You may recall that Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium 210 several months ago in the UK. At first, officials didn't know what was wrong with the man -- they soon discovered he came into contact with lethal doses of the radioactive element. Many other people in and around London also came into contact with the element; thankfully nobody else suffered the horrendous death Litvinenko suffered. UK officials were able to discover 'a trail of radiation' through London and have since charged a Russian man with murder (although Russia will not extradite him).
Here are Litvinenko's (husband and father of a 12 year old son) last words:
"May God forgive you for what you have done, not only to me, but to beloved Russia and its people." (Speaking to Russian President Putin)
The man who is accused of this incomprehensible murder denies any involvement! And I quote:
"I did not kill Litvinenko, have nothing to do with his death and can prove (it) with facts(.) (I have) my distrust of the so-called evidence collected by Britain's justice system." (parentheses added, obviously something didn't translate correctly between Russian and English)
A whole country (UK) investigated this crime and through 'facts' and 'evidence' have accused a man. The accused claims he can refute evidence collect by Britain with facts of his own.
In other words, Britain has a set of facts that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, prove a certain man killed Litvinenko. This certain man has his own set of facts that he feels proves his lack of involvement.
POINT:
Who is telling the truth? Both have facts and evidence on their side.
I think it comes down to what you believe. Do you believe the accused killed Litvinenko? Do you believe the accused is innocent? I tend to side with Britain, our allies, on the matter -- but that has nothing to do with facts -- just beliefs. Would I feel the same way if I was Russian and didn't view Britain as an ally?
To expand, I know of several people who have been sentenced to punishment for crimes they did not commit. We have all heard of men accused of rape and sentenced to prison time accordingly, who are later cleared due to DNA evidence. I imagine in their trials, they had evidence and facts to prove their innocence -- as did the prosecution to prove otherwise. It came down to what the jury believed. Question: Who had the 'more convincing facts'? Should facts have to be convincing?
The BIGGER QUESTION: Is it bad to base beliefs on facts?
Follow-up: Is the answer as black and white as 'yes' or 'no'?
-------------------------------------------------------
Just for my own sake, I'm going to expand on this a bit:
If i were to answer 'yes', as in , "Yes, it is bad to base beliefs on facts", what would I, then, say beliefs should be based on? Emotions? Intuition? Popular Opinion?
If I were to answer 'no', as in, "No, it is not bad to base beliefs on facts", how do I account for facts that can prove people both innocent and guilty of crimes? It seems if you have a belief, you can find facts to support it.
I still believe that beliefs are important to have. I'm confused, however, on how to support my beliefs when they are questioned (ie, encounter beleifs in opposition to my own).
Boo-Ya Ka Sha, Respect and Love
-Collin
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/05/22/uk.spy/index.html
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Season Anew
A new season beckons inside
or
Opportunity allures me
I pray all the good inside of me can be expressed through work; my work. I pray I would stop running from rejection and failure; face it. I pray for the end of pushing away and the beginning of welcoming in. Indeed, giving rather than receiving.
For those in my life, my realm, who are on the verge of a new season: May God bless your transition -- may you bless God with smiles of both mouth and soul. You have never been alone. Hope does not disappoint.
God Bless You
-C
or
Opportunity allures me
I pray all the good inside of me can be expressed through work; my work. I pray I would stop running from rejection and failure; face it. I pray for the end of pushing away and the beginning of welcoming in. Indeed, giving rather than receiving.
For those in my life, my realm, who are on the verge of a new season: May God bless your transition -- may you bless God with smiles of both mouth and soul. You have never been alone. Hope does not disappoint.
God Bless You
-C
Sunday, April 22, 2007
return to that which kills
You know how there are certain things in life that bring you a level of satisfaction? I'm talking about volunteering, caring, dedicating, giving, helping, supporting, protecting, nursing, and loving. Each of these things help us feel alive -- not necessarily at the time of doing them, but afterwards, when we realize what we've done. (Let's call these activities Category 1)
Then there are certain things that refresh us: laughing, hugging, kissing, sleeping, smiling, resting, relaxing, dreaming, and eating. These activities feel good while doing them and give us relief from the labor we do with our bodies and souls. (Let's call all these Category 2)
Lastly, there is a third category that is mostly destructive: lusting, abusing, lying, cheating, killing, mocking, and hoarding. (Category 3)
It seems that to have a satisfactory life, there needs to be a balance of activities in Category 1 and 2. If I could spend my time doing just these things, I'd be very happy and productive
for myself and my community. I know this to be true both from what I have experienced and read in the Bible. Yet my life is far from true happiness and productivity. It's like my instincts don't trust that Category 1 and 2 will satisfy me. There are times when I get lonely or frustrated or depressed. So I turn to the activities that embody getting what I want now on my own efforts. (As in, "I'm tired of always getting blamed for mistakes at my office. Next time someone asks me what went wrong, I'm going to blame someone else.") At times like these, I'd rather lie then take the consequences of making a mistake.
Category 3 slowly kills you and me. These acts are in direct contrast to how our souls were meant to be expressed. And category 3 is the worst kind of death because you'll never know it's killing you until it's too late. These selfish acts scrape against the grain of our souls. We know when we've done something wrong but sometimes we've justified the act because it gives us instant pleasure or satisfaction. There are times when I know what I'm about to do is wrong. But I often blow through the knowledge I've gained in favor of instant gratification. These acts feel great at the time... the highs are high and satisfaction soars. But as soon as you have time to reflect you know something went wrong. Often you can't identify what it was... just that you feel a little guilty or bad. That feeling is our soul as it grieves a small part of itself dying. We get so used to the feeling that we don't give it much thought. Our soul is spiritual, not physical -- we can get by and feel normal even as small parts of our souls die.
Our soul does not scream for itself when injured. It knows it can be healed quickly if only it could be part of something BIG -- something when souls connect thru eyes and hearts and touch. It quietly waits for healing as new wounds appear and old ones scab. Your soul will not tell you it is dying. You will get to the end of your life and realize acts from my so-called "Category 3" littered your LIFE. Life is the expression of soul. What type of life will you live with a dying soul never given a chance to heal?
God knows we need healing. God knows our souls are dying and our lives wasted. God knows the first thing our souls need to start healing is hope. God gives us hope by forgiving us for (by and large) misusing our lives and damaging our souls that HE GAVE us. Our souls were meant to be spent (lived) in the realm of Categories 1 and 2. Can we stop returning to that which kills us? Can we return instead to that which satisfies and sustains us? Can we return enough that our souls can start to heal?
Hope so
-C
Then there are certain things that refresh us: laughing, hugging, kissing, sleeping, smiling, resting, relaxing, dreaming, and eating. These activities feel good while doing them and give us relief from the labor we do with our bodies and souls. (Let's call all these Category 2)
Lastly, there is a third category that is mostly destructive: lusting, abusing, lying, cheating, killing, mocking, and hoarding. (Category 3)
It seems that to have a satisfactory life, there needs to be a balance of activities in Category 1 and 2. If I could spend my time doing just these things, I'd be very happy and productive
for myself and my community. I know this to be true both from what I have experienced and read in the Bible. Yet my life is far from true happiness and productivity. It's like my instincts don't trust that Category 1 and 2 will satisfy me. There are times when I get lonely or frustrated or depressed. So I turn to the activities that embody getting what I want now on my own efforts. (As in, "I'm tired of always getting blamed for mistakes at my office. Next time someone asks me what went wrong, I'm going to blame someone else.") At times like these, I'd rather lie then take the consequences of making a mistake.
Category 3 slowly kills you and me. These acts are in direct contrast to how our souls were meant to be expressed. And category 3 is the worst kind of death because you'll never know it's killing you until it's too late. These selfish acts scrape against the grain of our souls. We know when we've done something wrong but sometimes we've justified the act because it gives us instant pleasure or satisfaction. There are times when I know what I'm about to do is wrong. But I often blow through the knowledge I've gained in favor of instant gratification. These acts feel great at the time... the highs are high and satisfaction soars. But as soon as you have time to reflect you know something went wrong. Often you can't identify what it was... just that you feel a little guilty or bad. That feeling is our soul as it grieves a small part of itself dying. We get so used to the feeling that we don't give it much thought. Our soul is spiritual, not physical -- we can get by and feel normal even as small parts of our souls die.
Our soul does not scream for itself when injured. It knows it can be healed quickly if only it could be part of something BIG -- something when souls connect thru eyes and hearts and touch. It quietly waits for healing as new wounds appear and old ones scab. Your soul will not tell you it is dying. You will get to the end of your life and realize acts from my so-called "Category 3" littered your LIFE. Life is the expression of soul. What type of life will you live with a dying soul never given a chance to heal?
God knows we need healing. God knows our souls are dying and our lives wasted. God knows the first thing our souls need to start healing is hope. God gives us hope by forgiving us for (by and large) misusing our lives and damaging our souls that HE GAVE us. Our souls were meant to be spent (lived) in the realm of Categories 1 and 2. Can we stop returning to that which kills us? Can we return instead to that which satisfies and sustains us? Can we return enough that our souls can start to heal?
Hope so
-C
Saturday, April 07, 2007
ending
This is some part of a story that i just wrote to kinda personify how I feel about some things right now... It's a fictional situation where I've betrayed someone... I just felt like writing it down...
----------------------------------------------
I couldn't bear to see the look on his face -- but even more, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart -- knowing that I'd betrayed my best friend. This has happened before and I vowed, I swore, I'd never let it happen again. It wasn't even the look on his face... it was that I could sense his vast disappointment and maybe God's disappointment in me. I wanted to run from it all.
I had a similar experience when I broke my wrist. I was sledding and I couldn't stop in time to avoid going head first into a tree. I got my hands up just in time to brace for the impact... and I remember getting up and just screaming at the top of my lungs -- the pain was unbelievable. I wanted to run so bad -- just run away from the pain. But the pain was inside of me: I couldn't get away.
So I just stood in the parking lot with my best friend. Seconds passed like kidney stones. I finally had to walk away. It was kind of poetic because he just stood there in this beam of light from a street lamp as I vanished into darkness. I turned around to look back a couple of times and he didn't move. What could I say to him?
The next day at school I passed him in the hall. He looked down as we crossed paths. That hurt me the most -- I knew then that he wasn't going to tell anyone. He was going to let me get away with it. If you get busted for doing something wrong, at least you can say you paid the price. But if someone lets you get away with it, you either feel really lucky or really bad. At the time I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop.
-----------------------------------------------------------
-C
----------------------------------------------
I couldn't bear to see the look on his face -- but even more, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart -- knowing that I'd betrayed my best friend. This has happened before and I vowed, I swore, I'd never let it happen again. It wasn't even the look on his face... it was that I could sense his vast disappointment and maybe God's disappointment in me. I wanted to run from it all.
I had a similar experience when I broke my wrist. I was sledding and I couldn't stop in time to avoid going head first into a tree. I got my hands up just in time to brace for the impact... and I remember getting up and just screaming at the top of my lungs -- the pain was unbelievable. I wanted to run so bad -- just run away from the pain. But the pain was inside of me: I couldn't get away.
So I just stood in the parking lot with my best friend. Seconds passed like kidney stones. I finally had to walk away. It was kind of poetic because he just stood there in this beam of light from a street lamp as I vanished into darkness. I turned around to look back a couple of times and he didn't move. What could I say to him?
The next day at school I passed him in the hall. He looked down as we crossed paths. That hurt me the most -- I knew then that he wasn't going to tell anyone. He was going to let me get away with it. If you get busted for doing something wrong, at least you can say you paid the price. But if someone lets you get away with it, you either feel really lucky or really bad. At the time I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop.
-----------------------------------------------------------
-C
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Proximity
Paraphrasing -- (as told by Erwin McManus)
I was walking in the jungles of El Salvador when I was a little kid. I was walking with my brother, Alex, and my aunt and uncle. We didn't get to go out exploring much on our own so this occasion was a real treat. The jungle was full of great mystery and excitement.
One time when I was out with my grandfather, we saw a large iguana crossing the street. My grandfather got out of the car and was going to try and kill the iguana. He said it was a great delicacy. Now see, I'm a beef and chicken kind of guy -- I like 'handsome' meat. This iguana looked like a dragon -- not very appetizing. But my grandfather drew his knife/machete and walked closer to it. When he got too close, the iguana ran off into the jungle. I was rooting for the iguana.
Anyways, on this one occasion with my aunt and uncle we were walking on this road near the jungle. And then suddenly, off in the distance I saw this terrifying monster. His red eyes were staring me down and I just knew he was going to devour me. Have you ever been in a moment where you are truly scared? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, so I was just paralyzed with fear. I literally could not move. Finally, I turned around and looked up to my uncle and managed to reach out to him with both arms. He picked me up and just wrapped his arms around me. Suddenly I felt safe. Looking back on it now, I realize that the monster could have easily just devoured the two of us, but you know, as a little kid, I felt secure and safe.
So, I turned to see my brother, Alex, was still down there. And man, he was paralyzed with fear, too. He turned to my uncle first. He yelled for uncle to pick him up, but he said he was already holding me and he couldn't hold both of us. Then he turned to my aunt. Now you have to understand that my aunt was a really terrific woman -- skinny -- but terrific. But she wasn't very much help in this situation. She leaned over to pick up Alex and tried several times, but she just couldn't pick him up.
So Alex panicked. He started just running off into the jungle: probably the worst thing he could have done. He should have run behind uncle's legs or something... just to get some sort of protection. At the time I loved the fact that he ran -- it diverted the monster away from us and onto Alex.
I think it's kind of like that with God. There are these moments of crisis in our lives -- these moments where we are stricken with fear. And in those moments, it's all about proximity. If you're close to God you will turn to Him and he will save you. But, if you're not close to him, you may run away from the one who wants to save you.
Now, since coming to the states, I've done some research into these monsters... they seem to be called 'basset hounds'... you know, with those enormous ears and beady eyes. I don't' think my brother ever saw the monster... just felt it nipping at his butt... what a sight!
-----------------------------
Just take the story for what it's worth... I love it. He's not saying God only has enough to hold some of us while leaving others out to dry... The point is that if we're close to God then in times of crisis we will turn to him, just as we do during other times in our lives. If we are not close to God, then we will not know where to turn in that moment.
What does 'turn to God' mean? Good question. I don't really know for sure. I think it is a general term that can mean different things to different people. For me, it means to pray to God and admit that I don't have control over a situation, and, in fact, I need to trust that God will deliver me from the bad situation or let me experience it for some greater good, or that I may not know the meaning of the situation for a long time. The praying helps me gain a godly point of view on the situation and therefore, deal with it.
Anyhoo, it was a good church service.
www.mosaic.org - my church website
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Cravings-Erwin-Raphael-McManus/dp/0785214941/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3777313-1651234?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175484120&sr=8-1
-- link to Amazon to get Erwin's book, Soul Cravings. It's pretty cheap... I want to pick it up, too.
Peace
-Collin
-Erwin talking at the Vertas Forum at Columbia University in NY
I was walking in the jungles of El Salvador when I was a little kid. I was walking with my brother, Alex, and my aunt and uncle. We didn't get to go out exploring much on our own so this occasion was a real treat. The jungle was full of great mystery and excitement.
One time when I was out with my grandfather, we saw a large iguana crossing the street. My grandfather got out of the car and was going to try and kill the iguana. He said it was a great delicacy. Now see, I'm a beef and chicken kind of guy -- I like 'handsome' meat. This iguana looked like a dragon -- not very appetizing. But my grandfather drew his knife/machete and walked closer to it. When he got too close, the iguana ran off into the jungle. I was rooting for the iguana.
Anyways, on this one occasion with my aunt and uncle we were walking on this road near the jungle. And then suddenly, off in the distance I saw this terrifying monster. His red eyes were staring me down and I just knew he was going to devour me. Have you ever been in a moment where you are truly scared? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, so I was just paralyzed with fear. I literally could not move. Finally, I turned around and looked up to my uncle and managed to reach out to him with both arms. He picked me up and just wrapped his arms around me. Suddenly I felt safe. Looking back on it now, I realize that the monster could have easily just devoured the two of us, but you know, as a little kid, I felt secure and safe.
So, I turned to see my brother, Alex, was still down there. And man, he was paralyzed with fear, too. He turned to my uncle first. He yelled for uncle to pick him up, but he said he was already holding me and he couldn't hold both of us. Then he turned to my aunt. Now you have to understand that my aunt was a really terrific woman -- skinny -- but terrific. But she wasn't very much help in this situation. She leaned over to pick up Alex and tried several times, but she just couldn't pick him up.
So Alex panicked. He started just running off into the jungle: probably the worst thing he could have done. He should have run behind uncle's legs or something... just to get some sort of protection. At the time I loved the fact that he ran -- it diverted the monster away from us and onto Alex.
I think it's kind of like that with God. There are these moments of crisis in our lives -- these moments where we are stricken with fear. And in those moments, it's all about proximity. If you're close to God you will turn to Him and he will save you. But, if you're not close to him, you may run away from the one who wants to save you.
Now, since coming to the states, I've done some research into these monsters... they seem to be called 'basset hounds'... you know, with those enormous ears and beady eyes. I don't' think my brother ever saw the monster... just felt it nipping at his butt... what a sight!
-----------------------------
Just take the story for what it's worth... I love it. He's not saying God only has enough to hold some of us while leaving others out to dry... The point is that if we're close to God then in times of crisis we will turn to him, just as we do during other times in our lives. If we are not close to God, then we will not know where to turn in that moment.
What does 'turn to God' mean? Good question. I don't really know for sure. I think it is a general term that can mean different things to different people. For me, it means to pray to God and admit that I don't have control over a situation, and, in fact, I need to trust that God will deliver me from the bad situation or let me experience it for some greater good, or that I may not know the meaning of the situation for a long time. The praying helps me gain a godly point of view on the situation and therefore, deal with it.
Anyhoo, it was a good church service.
www.mosaic.org - my church website
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Cravings-Erwin-Raphael-McManus/dp/0785214941/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3777313-1651234?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175484120&sr=8-1
-- link to Amazon to get Erwin's book, Soul Cravings. It's pretty cheap... I want to pick it up, too.
Peace
-Collin
-Erwin talking at the Vertas Forum at Columbia University in NY
Thursday, March 22, 2007
the assistant editor
My prize is getting to assistant editor:
Right now there aren't any opportunities to get there... but that is what I want.
Felix told me that the AEs on shows he's worked on make $200/day (or $60 more than I make right now). I'm sure pay is comparable in films.
But it's not just the money...
It's the chance to move up, take the next step, and learn more about editing. It's about me being ready to take the next level of responsibility.
As I look at this ambition, I want to start setting goals: Let's lay it out.
I'd like to be an assistant editor by: Jan 1, 2008.
1st Preference: TV or Film
2nd Preference: Commercial House (Whitehouse for example)
3rd Preference: Stay at Flyer
4th Preference: In-house dub room at Studio
5th Preference: Another larger trailer house
Anyhoo... there it is. I may start sending out my resume to places like Whitehouse again this summer. This is helpful to motivate me along the way... especially during those tough days.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Hello Elite 8 against my newtown bros UCLA. My heart is not in question, btw. I'm madly in love with KU. No doubt.
-C
Right now there aren't any opportunities to get there... but that is what I want.
Felix told me that the AEs on shows he's worked on make $200/day (or $60 more than I make right now). I'm sure pay is comparable in films.
But it's not just the money...
It's the chance to move up, take the next step, and learn more about editing. It's about me being ready to take the next level of responsibility.
As I look at this ambition, I want to start setting goals: Let's lay it out.
I'd like to be an assistant editor by: Jan 1, 2008.
1st Preference: TV or Film
2nd Preference: Commercial House (Whitehouse for example)
3rd Preference: Stay at Flyer
4th Preference: In-house dub room at Studio
5th Preference: Another larger trailer house
Anyhoo... there it is. I may start sending out my resume to places like Whitehouse again this summer. This is helpful to motivate me along the way... especially during those tough days.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Hello Elite 8 against my newtown bros UCLA. My heart is not in question, btw. I'm madly in love with KU. No doubt.
-C
Saturday, March 17, 2007
days like these...
It's days like these...
I worked a 12 hour day, a 13 hour day, and a 14.5 hour day... back to back to back. Plus I finished a video for church.
Following my 14 hour day, I came to work to get yelled at b/c I made an error the previous day. A bunch of stuff happened over the last few days that made me want to cry or scream or break something. Somehow (by grace) I made it through the week alive and without seriously injuring someone.
I don't like my job at times. I hate that I'm marginalized and compromised by work. I constantly consider how little money I'm being paid (factoring in the cost of living). With work at ti's most stressful, I contemplate finding a new job. With people at their worst (including myself) I want to isolate myself from the world -- maybe that would prevent the anger and frustration of dealing with others.
But then I see a glimmer of what may be. I see a ray of light. I see the possibility of being part of something larger than myself. I see working with others for creative good instead of administrative bull. I see the fusion of art and business as it walks a fine line between chaos and confinment. I see Felix's show or my 300 spot and I see that there is escape from beaurocratic political entrapment. I see being involved in a project to the extent that a-holes and d-bags don't get to me.
When Josh and I were working on Birth Control, the whole crew came together and sacrificed for the good of the project. Maybe money corrupts the beauty of art and collaboration... But when I see these glimmers of hope, I get excited about the industry again. I get excited by Felix's show because I beleive he's found a story that hasn't been told... a story that is interesting.
It's days like these last few that I have to hold on to these glimmers. I have to beleive that God is teaching me something at my current position. Without the perspective on reality, the stress really gets to me.
I worked a 12 hour day, a 13 hour day, and a 14.5 hour day... back to back to back. Plus I finished a video for church.
Following my 14 hour day, I came to work to get yelled at b/c I made an error the previous day. A bunch of stuff happened over the last few days that made me want to cry or scream or break something. Somehow (by grace) I made it through the week alive and without seriously injuring someone.
I don't like my job at times. I hate that I'm marginalized and compromised by work. I constantly consider how little money I'm being paid (factoring in the cost of living). With work at ti's most stressful, I contemplate finding a new job. With people at their worst (including myself) I want to isolate myself from the world -- maybe that would prevent the anger and frustration of dealing with others.
But then I see a glimmer of what may be. I see a ray of light. I see the possibility of being part of something larger than myself. I see working with others for creative good instead of administrative bull. I see the fusion of art and business as it walks a fine line between chaos and confinment. I see Felix's show or my 300 spot and I see that there is escape from beaurocratic political entrapment. I see being involved in a project to the extent that a-holes and d-bags don't get to me.
When Josh and I were working on Birth Control, the whole crew came together and sacrificed for the good of the project. Maybe money corrupts the beauty of art and collaboration... But when I see these glimmers of hope, I get excited about the industry again. I get excited by Felix's show because I beleive he's found a story that hasn't been told... a story that is interesting.
It's days like these last few that I have to hold on to these glimmers. I have to beleive that God is teaching me something at my current position. Without the perspective on reality, the stress really gets to me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
This Business
I sit down and try to write but I instantly become bored with myself. I've tried to write blogs the last two weeks and I ultimatly get bored and quit them before publishing.
I'm bored because I need to write stories, not bland recaps of my recent history.
Barry, with a big, thick Boston accent and Irish-Catholic temperment, refuses to digress as he explains his theory on cutting a television spot (which is subsequently relalated to, in Barry's mind, everything else in life) in 'this business', as he says.
"In this business, copy is the fastest way to make a niche for yourself. You can make a lot of money if you can write this shit that goes in these spots. Not everyone can do that, you know? But that's not how it was when I was your age, Collin. No shit! Seriously! I'm not kidding! I came into this business as a P.A. and you know what happened to me?"
(I've heard this story or some varient of it at least three times)
"I was making $6 an hour, alright? Mutha fuckin' nothing. This was back in the 80's mind you, but still nothing. I had to work overtime just so I could get a free mutha fuckin' meal from work. You understand? I couldn't afford a meal on my own. I needed overtime to survive. And I decided that I was gonna teach myself editing."
"Now," (big smile) "this is before the days of this digital shit. Aight? Fuckin' reel to reel. Fuckin' big ass clunky tapes and shit. But listen, Collin, I'd come in on the weekend. I didn't have friends, ok? I just moved here from the East, ok? I made friends at work and all that, but I was going to teach myself editing. I'd go to the store and pick up a six pack and come in to the office and teach myself. Ok?"
(digress? Hardly!)
"One Monday I come in and my boss says to me, 'I heard you came in over the weekend.' He made me show him what I did. I didn't really want to. I said, 'No, that's okay. It's not worth showing'. But he made me show it to him. Then he made me a junior editor. Just like that! I went from $6 an hour to $15, which, you know, isn't a lot, but it fuckin' doubled what I was makin! And that's how I got started! Now, that couldn't happen nowadays. Back then this business was way different."
(slight pause as Barry rubs his face, thinking of a metaphor)
"Collin, it's like, if you think of the NBA back in the 50's... you know, little jump shots, layups, no shot clock, no 3 point line, and you put that next to the NBA now." (pause for dramatic effect) "THAT's how different this business is now from when I got started."
(I laugh at the thought of old NBA players playing LeBron and Kobe. Barry didn't know what I was laughing at tho...)
"No, it's true! It's the mutha fuckin' truth! It's like the NBA back in the 50's compared to the NBA now. That's how different it is."
(I assure him that his comparison is correct)
"It's like now, there's all these kids that are the heads of the studios now. They were under me when I was in my prime. It'd be like you under Mayhew or Shawn now. And now I'm workin' for them! They're the heads of maaaarketing at New Line, Paramount, Fox... everywhere. I know more than them, and yet I'm working for them! Can you beleive that? They have absolutely no idea what they're doing. I've been thru it. I know what I'm doing. You're telling me that when these guys have a bum project that they're gonna know what to do with it? No. They're not. They're gonna be my boss with a bum project and they're gonna be telling me what to do with it. Collin, do you understand what I'm saying? That'd be like me walking up to Barry Bonds and being, "Let me show you how to hit a homerun." Collin! He's about ready to break the homerun record! It drives me fuckin' nuts that these kids are now trying to tell me what to do! I've finished 47 trailers. Nobody else has finished 47 trailers. You add up everyone in this house and they don't add up to 47."
(Barry was an editor before he recently became a producer)
"Anyways, Collin."
(digression?)
"You gotta have strong copy. You gotta watch a movie and tell the story on paaapa. You gotta say, '300 must fight against a million...', that's not good copy, but you know what i'm sayin'? You gotta tell the story on paaaapa. That's your foundation. I try to build a house without that foundation, and it all come crumbling down. But, Collin, if I have that foundation, that story on paaaapa, my house will stand."
(maybe)
"And Collin, I want to see some of this in your spot."
(he pounds on his chest with his fist)
"I really want to see some of this in your spot. If there's not any of this in your spot, what's gonna separate you from all these other schmucks? Lemme tell ya, I've worked at all the different houses, alright? I was workin at a house and this guy from this other house gives me a call. He says, "Barry, I saw one of your trailas the other day." Now, I hadn't talked to him in years. Ok? He could tell it was my traila. He says, 'I just knew it was your traila." That was the best compliment anyone could give me. You know?"
(I nod)
"Anyways, just put some of this into your spot. I really want to see what you're made of. Let's say you put in the line (in my 300 spot), 'Everyone is held accountable for the words of his voice' because your dad said something like that to you when you were a kid. That's you. Put that in there. Build that foundation, though, Collin. Put that foundation in there."
(I nod)
"I've said this to all the young kids who come in here... You wanna sit and wait for your chance? Fine. It might take 5 years. Yout gotta come in and do it on your own time. You gotta learn what you can on your own time. And Collin, if you don't want to do this, then get out. Go get coffee at a production house. Do what you did here but do it where you want to be. You don't want to do this and then in 10 yeeeas be that guy who's saying, 'Barry, I don't want to cut trailers.' What? Are you gonna go get coffee at production house? You gonna take that pay cut with your wife and kids? So Collin, I don't know what you want to do, but if you don't want to cut trailers, then go do what you want. I just don't want you to be stuck in here in ten yeeas."
"I've got some stuff to do. Do you wanna leave together tonight?"
(a digression)
One time, Bryan had to go leave to get his car from a car shop across the street. When he left, Barry was talking to me. When he came back, Barry was talking to me. That's just how it is. I love it, though.
He can talk.
I'm bored because I need to write stories, not bland recaps of my recent history.
Barry, with a big, thick Boston accent and Irish-Catholic temperment, refuses to digress as he explains his theory on cutting a television spot (which is subsequently relalated to, in Barry's mind, everything else in life) in 'this business', as he says.
"In this business, copy is the fastest way to make a niche for yourself. You can make a lot of money if you can write this shit that goes in these spots. Not everyone can do that, you know? But that's not how it was when I was your age, Collin. No shit! Seriously! I'm not kidding! I came into this business as a P.A. and you know what happened to me?"
(I've heard this story or some varient of it at least three times)
"I was making $6 an hour, alright? Mutha fuckin' nothing. This was back in the 80's mind you, but still nothing. I had to work overtime just so I could get a free mutha fuckin' meal from work. You understand? I couldn't afford a meal on my own. I needed overtime to survive. And I decided that I was gonna teach myself editing."
"Now," (big smile) "this is before the days of this digital shit. Aight? Fuckin' reel to reel. Fuckin' big ass clunky tapes and shit. But listen, Collin, I'd come in on the weekend. I didn't have friends, ok? I just moved here from the East, ok? I made friends at work and all that, but I was going to teach myself editing. I'd go to the store and pick up a six pack and come in to the office and teach myself. Ok?"
(digress? Hardly!)
"One Monday I come in and my boss says to me, 'I heard you came in over the weekend.' He made me show him what I did. I didn't really want to. I said, 'No, that's okay. It's not worth showing'. But he made me show it to him. Then he made me a junior editor. Just like that! I went from $6 an hour to $15, which, you know, isn't a lot, but it fuckin' doubled what I was makin! And that's how I got started! Now, that couldn't happen nowadays. Back then this business was way different."
(slight pause as Barry rubs his face, thinking of a metaphor)
"Collin, it's like, if you think of the NBA back in the 50's... you know, little jump shots, layups, no shot clock, no 3 point line, and you put that next to the NBA now." (pause for dramatic effect) "THAT's how different this business is now from when I got started."
(I laugh at the thought of old NBA players playing LeBron and Kobe. Barry didn't know what I was laughing at tho...)
"No, it's true! It's the mutha fuckin' truth! It's like the NBA back in the 50's compared to the NBA now. That's how different it is."
(I assure him that his comparison is correct)
"It's like now, there's all these kids that are the heads of the studios now. They were under me when I was in my prime. It'd be like you under Mayhew or Shawn now. And now I'm workin' for them! They're the heads of maaaarketing at New Line, Paramount, Fox... everywhere. I know more than them, and yet I'm working for them! Can you beleive that? They have absolutely no idea what they're doing. I've been thru it. I know what I'm doing. You're telling me that when these guys have a bum project that they're gonna know what to do with it? No. They're not. They're gonna be my boss with a bum project and they're gonna be telling me what to do with it. Collin, do you understand what I'm saying? That'd be like me walking up to Barry Bonds and being, "Let me show you how to hit a homerun." Collin! He's about ready to break the homerun record! It drives me fuckin' nuts that these kids are now trying to tell me what to do! I've finished 47 trailers. Nobody else has finished 47 trailers. You add up everyone in this house and they don't add up to 47."
(Barry was an editor before he recently became a producer)
"Anyways, Collin."
(digression?)
"You gotta have strong copy. You gotta watch a movie and tell the story on paaapa. You gotta say, '300 must fight against a million...', that's not good copy, but you know what i'm sayin'? You gotta tell the story on paaaapa. That's your foundation. I try to build a house without that foundation, and it all come crumbling down. But, Collin, if I have that foundation, that story on paaaapa, my house will stand."
(maybe)
"And Collin, I want to see some of this in your spot."
(he pounds on his chest with his fist)
"I really want to see some of this in your spot. If there's not any of this in your spot, what's gonna separate you from all these other schmucks? Lemme tell ya, I've worked at all the different houses, alright? I was workin at a house and this guy from this other house gives me a call. He says, "Barry, I saw one of your trailas the other day." Now, I hadn't talked to him in years. Ok? He could tell it was my traila. He says, 'I just knew it was your traila." That was the best compliment anyone could give me. You know?"
(I nod)
"Anyways, just put some of this into your spot. I really want to see what you're made of. Let's say you put in the line (in my 300 spot), 'Everyone is held accountable for the words of his voice' because your dad said something like that to you when you were a kid. That's you. Put that in there. Build that foundation, though, Collin. Put that foundation in there."
(I nod)
"I've said this to all the young kids who come in here... You wanna sit and wait for your chance? Fine. It might take 5 years. Yout gotta come in and do it on your own time. You gotta learn what you can on your own time. And Collin, if you don't want to do this, then get out. Go get coffee at a production house. Do what you did here but do it where you want to be. You don't want to do this and then in 10 yeeeas be that guy who's saying, 'Barry, I don't want to cut trailers.' What? Are you gonna go get coffee at production house? You gonna take that pay cut with your wife and kids? So Collin, I don't know what you want to do, but if you don't want to cut trailers, then go do what you want. I just don't want you to be stuck in here in ten yeeas."
"I've got some stuff to do. Do you wanna leave together tonight?"
(a digression)
One time, Bryan had to go leave to get his car from a car shop across the street. When he left, Barry was talking to me. When he came back, Barry was talking to me. That's just how it is. I love it, though.
He can talk.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
me?
I tied my shoes tight. I was proud of my Nike shoes. Damn they were cool! I was wearing my cool shorts and a cool looney toons t-shirt. I felt good about myself. I grabbed my baseball glove and bat -- I had this really cool bat that my grandma got me at Wal-Mart. Mom drove me to the 4-H fairgrounds where the tryouts were. During the drive, I fitted on my leather batting glove really tight. I didn't really know if it helped me, but I knew that my favorite baseball players wore a glove on their follow-thru hand.... so I wore one, too.
I was so cool that day. My mom knew it, I knew it.... it's just everyone at the tryouts didn't know it. I climbed out of the front seat and was ready to make a splash. The coach split the guys up so that half were in the field and the other half were batting. I got field duty first (which was just a chance to show off my mad range and throwing arm). The kid next to me looked a little different than me; he had on a baseball jersey, and cleats, and a baseball hat, and he was taller than me...
Whatever, so what? Ok, so one kid was better than me... no big deal. The batter hit a pop fly to me at shortstop but it was way too high for me to catch... I mean, with the wind and all, how could anyone catch it?
Coach called for everyone to switch up so I ran over to my bat and then over to the group of guys behind home plate. On my way, a kid pointed out to me that my bat was actually a softball bat, not a baseball bat. "Oh." I said. "I didn't know there was a difference." As I looked at all the kids waiting in line to bat I noticed all of them had cleats and jerseys and BASEBALL bats. Wow, so quite a few kids were better than me. It was ok though because I was going to show off my mad hitting skills.
When it was finally my turn, however, the coach threw me a bunch of bad pitches... and he threw them really hard. I swung and missed at the first few and then stopped swinging all together when kids started laughing at me. It hit me then that almost all of the kids were better than me -- not only naturally, but they had better gear and better training.
I had to fight back tears the rest of the tryout.
When mom finally picked me up, I told her everything went well. She was probably the only person who still thought I was good.
I didn't make the team. Travis Ball made the team... I was way better than Travis Ball. Whatever. I was only 11.
----------------------------
I have this same feeling in life now... the feeling where you realize you're kinda out of your league. It's humiliating. Luckily it now happens more in a private setting because I don't have as many acquaintances or friends as I did as an 11 year old.
I've still got my batting glove, my dysfunctional bat, my nike shoes.
Other people have natural talent, a 2 oz aluminum alloy baseball bat, and cleats.
It's deflating.
I was so cool that day. My mom knew it, I knew it.... it's just everyone at the tryouts didn't know it. I climbed out of the front seat and was ready to make a splash. The coach split the guys up so that half were in the field and the other half were batting. I got field duty first (which was just a chance to show off my mad range and throwing arm). The kid next to me looked a little different than me; he had on a baseball jersey, and cleats, and a baseball hat, and he was taller than me...
Whatever, so what? Ok, so one kid was better than me... no big deal. The batter hit a pop fly to me at shortstop but it was way too high for me to catch... I mean, with the wind and all, how could anyone catch it?
Coach called for everyone to switch up so I ran over to my bat and then over to the group of guys behind home plate. On my way, a kid pointed out to me that my bat was actually a softball bat, not a baseball bat. "Oh." I said. "I didn't know there was a difference." As I looked at all the kids waiting in line to bat I noticed all of them had cleats and jerseys and BASEBALL bats. Wow, so quite a few kids were better than me. It was ok though because I was going to show off my mad hitting skills.
When it was finally my turn, however, the coach threw me a bunch of bad pitches... and he threw them really hard. I swung and missed at the first few and then stopped swinging all together when kids started laughing at me. It hit me then that almost all of the kids were better than me -- not only naturally, but they had better gear and better training.
I had to fight back tears the rest of the tryout.
When mom finally picked me up, I told her everything went well. She was probably the only person who still thought I was good.
I didn't make the team. Travis Ball made the team... I was way better than Travis Ball. Whatever. I was only 11.
----------------------------
I have this same feeling in life now... the feeling where you realize you're kinda out of your league. It's humiliating. Luckily it now happens more in a private setting because I don't have as many acquaintances or friends as I did as an 11 year old.
I've still got my batting glove, my dysfunctional bat, my nike shoes.
Other people have natural talent, a 2 oz aluminum alloy baseball bat, and cleats.
It's deflating.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Holden
Holden Caulfield - I was talking with Josh about him last night (he's the protagonist from Catcher in the Rye). The reason the book is so interesting to me is that 200 pages are just Holden talking about stupid things -- mostly stupid things, that is. Every once in a while, you get a sense that Holden is really brilliant for his age. For Example: Writing the paper for his roommate about a baseball mit his (Holden's) deceased brother had written poetry on. For Example: His admiring Mr. Antolini for picking up and carrying a dead kid when nobody else would even go near. It's like the first 200 pages (roughly) are Holden trying to explain his thoughts on life. Then the last 80 (roughly) pages, Holden tells us about interactions with his sister and Mr. Antolini. It's in these interactions that we discover Holden for who he is and the potential he holds. Mr. Antolini's big piece of advice was this: Many men contribute to the world due to a natural gift of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge etc. But pair any one of those gifts with an education, and that same man has potential to do much more good. Why? First, education in this context means, in Holden's case, applying himself in school so he can take advantage of opportunities to attend the best schools in the country. The process of his education forces him to cross paths with brilliant minds who are able to communicate at a high level. They would be directly teaching him 'subjects' while indirectly and somewhat directly teaching him how to better communicate his ideas. Mr. Antolini wants Holden to get an education not for Holden's own benefit, but for the benefit of the world -- so Holden can share his unique point of view effectively and efficiently with the world.
I love the book! Holden's one desire is to be a Catcher in the Rye... brilliant. I could go on... and probably should to make this a complete thought, but it's all in my head... and it would take me another 3 hours to really finish this thought.
Bottom Line: The book speaks to me about: Seeking education as a means to better communicate my gifts and wisdom and feelings to the world, for the world's benefit, not mine.
The Big Kahuna -- gotta watch this movie again.
Jason Jaggard -- what an interesting guy... hope I can meet him.
I love the book! Holden's one desire is to be a Catcher in the Rye... brilliant. I could go on... and probably should to make this a complete thought, but it's all in my head... and it would take me another 3 hours to really finish this thought.
Bottom Line: The book speaks to me about: Seeking education as a means to better communicate my gifts and wisdom and feelings to the world, for the world's benefit, not mine.
The Big Kahuna -- gotta watch this movie again.
Jason Jaggard -- what an interesting guy... hope I can meet him.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sunshine, LBD, Music
The idea that you can trust Christ and not intend to obey him is an illusion generated by the prevalence of an unbelieving "Christian culture." In fact, you can no more trust Jesus and not intend to obey him than you could trust your doctor or your auto mechanic and not intend to follow their advice. If you don't intend to follow their advice, you simply don't trust them.
-Dallas Willard
Who needs coffee when I've got Dallas Willard to read in the morning? Whew! I do agree with Dallas.
Sunshine: I miss playing in it, basking in it, sweating in it, walking in it, driving in it, talking in it, sitting in it, standing in it, drinking (water) in it, and being obnoxious in it. If only I didn't have a job... now I only see sunlight through the windows... sad.
This weekend is going to be great, however. For all my sulking about not getting outside enough, I'm really excited about the weekend. Four Word Summary: Beach, Food, Clue, LizzieBirthDay. What else could you ask for? Maybe a little bit of nice weather on Saturday... but that's about it.
For some reason, bands that I wasn't all that interested in 6 months ago are getting back into my head. The greatest example of this is Mae. They went from being off my charts (indifferent) to the top of my list in the last couple of months. Now, I just watch a video of Mutemath on Jimmy Kimmel, and all the sudden, I'm really diggin' them. Right around the same tiime I was first being introduced to Mae, Mutemath was there, and suffered a similar fate as Mae... Rather I suffered through life with out them... that's more appropriate. They are stinking amazing! I'll get that link up here. It's awesome.
www.mutemath.com
Peace.
Collin
-Dallas Willard
Who needs coffee when I've got Dallas Willard to read in the morning? Whew! I do agree with Dallas.
Sunshine: I miss playing in it, basking in it, sweating in it, walking in it, driving in it, talking in it, sitting in it, standing in it, drinking (water) in it, and being obnoxious in it. If only I didn't have a job... now I only see sunlight through the windows... sad.
This weekend is going to be great, however. For all my sulking about not getting outside enough, I'm really excited about the weekend. Four Word Summary: Beach, Food, Clue, LizzieBirthDay. What else could you ask for? Maybe a little bit of nice weather on Saturday... but that's about it.
For some reason, bands that I wasn't all that interested in 6 months ago are getting back into my head. The greatest example of this is Mae. They went from being off my charts (indifferent) to the top of my list in the last couple of months. Now, I just watch a video of Mutemath on Jimmy Kimmel, and all the sudden, I'm really diggin' them. Right around the same tiime I was first being introduced to Mae, Mutemath was there, and suffered a similar fate as Mae... Rather I suffered through life with out them... that's more appropriate. They are stinking amazing! I'll get that link up here. It's awesome.
www.mutemath.com
Peace.
Collin
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