Divine

I just ate at good stuff... had a california wrap with a banana smoothie and french fries... yummy. California wrap has turkey, bacon, avacado, lettuse, tomatoe, on a spinach tortilla. So good. And, the smoothie is no juice stop, but it's darn good.
Earlier today, I was reading Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard, and I came to an unexpected section where Willard begins to discuss, in detail, some of what Jesus said at the 'Sermon on the Mount'. He was talking about the 'old law' compared to the Kingdom Law (the new era of life that Jesus proclaimed while on earth). For example, he discussed the old law of 'do not kill'. The heart of this is, of course, anger, if indulged, can lead to bad, evil, destructive things. This way of looking at 'do not kill' is the Kingdom Law. He talked a lot about anger and how it works in us, and how it leads to contempt, and how contempt refuels anger, and then, it can lead to malice towards another person.
The whole section really brought a lot of my life to mind... rather made my actions more clear to me. I realized that I've often indulged anger, and I have held contempt and even malice toward other people. It was a powerful chapter to point out many reasons why I get angry the way I do, and point out how our culture embraces anger.
I'm glad I read the chapter and better understand Jesus' sermon on the mount. I highly recommend the book if you want to better understand the sermon, and Jesus' ministry.

-C

Hope?

Who will I be?
What will I be?
I feel like my slate is pretty clean right now; I'm in such a new environment that my patterns haven't shown themselves yet. I don't feel real good about some stuff in my life, but I think having that tension is good. And, when I say stuff in my life, I don't mean behavioral, I mean actual, physical problems in my life... i.e. my car being junk (as of now), not getting paid a whole lot, not really having fellowship, feeling lonely etc. Of course, some of those things I can change, some I can't. Beyond that, I can fill these holes in my life with good things or bad things. Beyond THAT, I probably will make wrong decisions that will need to be changed later on.
When I stop to look at who I am right now, I can't answer. Am I a hard worker? Do I feel passionate about my job? Am I having faith in God as my car seems to get crappier and crappier by the day (slight exageration)? Am I using this seemingly slight valley in my life to lean on God (or on myself)?
I guess right now, I'm saying to myself, "It'll all work out, right?" As in, "God will make my life happy and comfortable, right?" I'm kinda realizing that what God wants is for His Glorious Kingdom to be advanced, for it to come to earth. I can certainly be trying my best to do that regardless of my personal situation. Will my life get 'better' any time soon? I hope so, but my life doesn't have to be going great for me to help advance God's kingdom.
I do have lots of blessings in my life right now. My housing is free and awesome; I have a car that runs, I'm not hungry, I have a job, I like my coworkers, my job is in the film industry, I got my job within three weeks of moving to LA, my family has been very supportive, etc.
It's really just since money came into play (when I purchased my car) that I've started realizing some sourness in my mouth. And that situation does suck, but my life certainly isn't over. Larger picture: I have a bizzillion chances a day to extend God's love to other people, and if I'm in a bad mood about little things, how many MORE of those will I miss?

Ok, here are some things I miss about KS:
1. the light traffic... I thought it was bad on 23rd street on Fridays... it takes me at least a half an hour, usually almost an hour, to get home from work... my office is literally 3 miles from my house.
2. knowing where things are... I don't really know how to get anywhere except by mapquest.
3. being able to drive at high rates of speed on highways at all times of day... again, the traffice causes a lot of stress. I was on a run today on a street called La Brea, and I seriously got stuck at every stop light for about 4 miles... took me 30 min to go 4 miles... and I attribute most of the slowness to the heavy traffic.
4. my friends and family... what an awesome network of support and encouragement they are... and I only get to communicate with them every so often out here in LA, 2 hours behind you all... so sad.

Ok, well, I hope to find out who I am in the coming months. I hope I'm a humble, hard worker who enjoys making people laugh. We'll see what I really am.
-C

Working Life

This is where I work. They edit movie trailers. Maybe you've seen some of their work: Miami Vice, 9/11, All the TV spots for X-Men 3, and many many others. I've been here for one week as of today. Pretty much I get to drive my car around Los Angeles to different movie studios (Fox, Paramount, MGM) and deliver DVDs or tapes of the newest cuts Flyer has made. My job is good, and they buy me lunch every day, and I get to eat breakfast here b/c I get to open the office. But, the 'working' life isn't exactly what I thought it would be:

First, it seems that after my 8 hours of work, I get to come home and do one thing: On Monday, I took a bike ride, Tuesday, I picked up my car from the dealer. Wednesday, I saw a movie. Of course, I get to eat dinner and relax a little, but for the most part, I only get to do one thing after work. That's not quite what I expected.

Second, I get stressed easy. Yesterday, I was at MGM, and I parked in a garage, and as I was trying to leave, the parking attendant was trying to make me pay. He wouldn't buy my story that I was a delivery guy. Well, anyways, I had to go to an ATM and get money, but of course, I forgot my pin number, so I had no way to get cash. I found myself cursing all over the place b/c I was so frustrated. This has also happened as I'm driving my car and it suddenly decides to pop out of gear into some middle ground of 'in gear' and nuetral and starts grinding. I find myself cursing... and seriously enraged. i need to work on this.

Third, As soon as I took the job at Flyer (which is a great job), I was called by Lionsgate Entertainment to come in for an interview as their office intern. Lionsgate has made a lot of great films and that's the kind of place I'd love to end up working. But, that would probably be some sort of a dead end job, and it wouldn't have benefits after 90 days llke Flyer does. But, what surprised me was that as soon as I committed to a job, another one comes up that I'd love to have. I just have to hope that I made the right choice. And I also have to make sure I don't lose sight of my goal (to edit feature films). That can be easy to do if I'm comfortable (after benefits kicks in, I will be more comfortable). I don't really want to end up cutting movie trailers. But, how hard will it be to change jobs if I stay here for the next five, six years and end up being a trailer editor? It may be hard to change and give up my cushy job.

Anyhoo, I guess things are going well on many fronts, but not on the spiritual front. I find myself not comfortable there. I see my failings and the love that I still receive from God. I want to serve people iny community, but I also want to be selfish with my time and not give up any more evenings or weekends that I already am.

Anyhoo, Life is really exciting out here. Every once in a while, I get to relax and smell the coffee. I say, "Hey, I'm in LA, I have a job, and God is my light." Plus the scenery is beautiful with palm trees everywhere, winding Hollywood Hills roads, and a movie star here and there. I'm pretty blessed.
-Collin