me?

I tied my shoes tight. I was proud of my Nike shoes. Damn they were cool! I was wearing my cool shorts and a cool looney toons t-shirt. I felt good about myself. I grabbed my baseball glove and bat -- I had this really cool bat that my grandma got me at Wal-Mart. Mom drove me to the 4-H fairgrounds where the tryouts were. During the drive, I fitted on my leather batting glove really tight. I didn't really know if it helped me, but I knew that my favorite baseball players wore a glove on their follow-thru hand.... so I wore one, too.
I was so cool that day. My mom knew it, I knew it.... it's just everyone at the tryouts didn't know it. I climbed out of the front seat and was ready to make a splash. The coach split the guys up so that half were in the field and the other half were batting. I got field duty first (which was just a chance to show off my mad range and throwing arm). The kid next to me looked a little different than me; he had on a baseball jersey, and cleats, and a baseball hat, and he was taller than me...
Whatever, so what? Ok, so one kid was better than me... no big deal. The batter hit a pop fly to me at shortstop but it was way too high for me to catch... I mean, with the wind and all, how could anyone catch it?
Coach called for everyone to switch up so I ran over to my bat and then over to the group of guys behind home plate. On my way, a kid pointed out to me that my bat was actually a softball bat, not a baseball bat. "Oh." I said. "I didn't know there was a difference." As I looked at all the kids waiting in line to bat I noticed all of them had cleats and jerseys and BASEBALL bats. Wow, so quite a few kids were better than me. It was ok though because I was going to show off my mad hitting skills.
When it was finally my turn, however, the coach threw me a bunch of bad pitches... and he threw them really hard. I swung and missed at the first few and then stopped swinging all together when kids started laughing at me. It hit me then that almost all of the kids were better than me -- not only naturally, but they had better gear and better training.
I had to fight back tears the rest of the tryout.
When mom finally picked me up, I told her everything went well. She was probably the only person who still thought I was good.
I didn't make the team. Travis Ball made the team... I was way better than Travis Ball. Whatever. I was only 11.
----------------------------

I have this same feeling in life now... the feeling where you realize you're kinda out of your league. It's humiliating. Luckily it now happens more in a private setting because I don't have as many acquaintances or friends as I did as an 11 year old.
I've still got my batting glove, my dysfunctional bat, my nike shoes.
Other people have natural talent, a 2 oz aluminum alloy baseball bat, and cleats.
It's deflating.

Holden

Holden Caulfield - I was talking with Josh about him last night (he's the protagonist from Catcher in the Rye). The reason the book is so interesting to me is that 200 pages are just Holden talking about stupid things -- mostly stupid things, that is. Every once in a while, you get a sense that Holden is really brilliant for his age. For Example: Writing the paper for his roommate about a baseball mit his (Holden's) deceased brother had written poetry on. For Example: His admiring Mr. Antolini for picking up and carrying a dead kid when nobody else would even go near. It's like the first 200 pages (roughly) are Holden trying to explain his thoughts on life. Then the last 80 (roughly) pages, Holden tells us about interactions with his sister and Mr. Antolini. It's in these interactions that we discover Holden for who he is and the potential he holds. Mr. Antolini's big piece of advice was this: Many men contribute to the world due to a natural gift of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge etc. But pair any one of those gifts with an education, and that same man has potential to do much more good. Why? First, education in this context means, in Holden's case, applying himself in school so he can take advantage of opportunities to attend the best schools in the country. The process of his education forces him to cross paths with brilliant minds who are able to communicate at a high level. They would be directly teaching him 'subjects' while indirectly and somewhat directly teaching him how to better communicate his ideas. Mr. Antolini wants Holden to get an education not for Holden's own benefit, but for the benefit of the world -- so Holden can share his unique point of view effectively and efficiently with the world.
I love the book! Holden's one desire is to be a Catcher in the Rye... brilliant. I could go on... and probably should to make this a complete thought, but it's all in my head... and it would take me another 3 hours to really finish this thought.
Bottom Line: The book speaks to me about: Seeking education as a means to better communicate my gifts and wisdom and feelings to the world, for the world's benefit, not mine.

The Big Kahuna -- gotta watch this movie again.

Jason Jaggard -- what an interesting guy... hope I can meet him.