Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
-James 1:2-4

After three full days of mulling things over and not really going to God enough, I finally recalled scripture that pertains to my current plight. I've been trying to put my last few days into perspective: My car breaking down and needing $600 in repair; My roommate getting a really awesome, high paying job (more on this later); My car breaking down again and probably needing another $2,000 in repairs; My vision remaining compromised by my cornea disease... I could go on with other things, but let's break for perspective. Most of my worries and 'struggles' are simply a lack of perspective:

In most other places in the world, a man my age would just be entering his senior year of college (probably a college he was placed in by his government) after spending the first two years after high school in the non-volunteer army. His life was pretty well chosen for him by his genes and by his government. And these men don't have the worst of it -- many other men are going through famines where druglords control international aide. Others must worry about being killed by a stray bomb or an intentional bullet as they carefully live in Baghdad or Kabul. My money issues don't compare to life and death trials.

I don't have to worry about terrorism or armies outside my front door. I certainly haven't had to worry about going hungry. As far as my eyes go, in a lot of other countries I wouldn't have the eye care I've received here in LA and I wouldn't know there was anything I could do to improve vision (if only for a portion of the day) with specially fitted rigid contacts.

All of those issues need perspective. Simple. I don' t have to feel bad about them if I don't want to. In fact, I should probably feel bad that I have it so well while so much of the world suffers more than I will EVER know. But what I do feel is universal in my plight is my desire for what others have been given.

I want to be a feature film editor. I've known this for the last year -- since I decided to move to LA. As I moved to LA, so did my college roommate. In fact, he was able to land an internship at a high-profile production company before we even arrived. I didn't have work and ended up settling for a job at a company that edits movie trailers. In March(ish), my roommate was offered a post-production assistant position on a feature film being produced by the production company he interned for last year (his first 'gig'). He contemplated turning it down or trying to give it to me, but in the end he decided it was best that he take it. I took notice b/c I knew that a Post PA job was exactly the kind of 'in' i needed to start my career in feature editing.

Josh got to know the assistant editor well and they developed a good relationship. Josh left the feature in June to help me edit a feature documentary. The assistant editor asked Josh to follow him to his next job (the new Adam McKay / Will Ferrel movie) in September. As we neared the scheduled end of our documentary, Josh started to contact Alex (the assistant editor) and found out he needed to join the editing guild to secure a job on the movie. Josh started a long two month process to jump thru all the loops the guild maintains.

Josh tells me that the reason he needs to be in the guild is b/c they want to hire him on at a union position -- apprentice editor. This is the next step up from a Post PA and technically only one step below assistant editor. I'm seeing flashes of my future because this is all right up my alley. The only problem is that this is Josh doing all this, not me. For a while, it seemed the guild would prove to have too many hoops to jump through. Josh was getting frustrated and was ready to give up and look for another opportunity in his desired field of work, Writing for TV. But as he traveled back from a weekend excursion with his girlfriend in New Orleans, he was told that all was going to work out and he was hired.

Quick side note: Josh was able to land the internship at the production company because of a free flight my mom gave him. Before Josh's opportunity came up, she was telling me I could use it to fly to LA for an interview. I was unable to secure an interview before Josh. When he told me he finally had one but couldn't make it because he and his family didn't have enough money for a flight, I couldn't in good conscience, hold back the free flight I had at my disposal.
I say this not to seem pompous and bitter, but to say there seems to be something larger than me going on here. God knows my desire and prayers to be an Editor, and yet it is Josh that has and is walking down this path I thought for sure would be mine.

As Josh told me about the great news (including an insanely wonderful salary, Will Ferrel, and working on the nearby Sony Lot), I had a serious case of the 'mixed feelings' bug. Of course I'm happy for him on many levels and proud of him for fighting through the guild. I'm also happy that he'll have an opportunity to be financially secure and set himself up for future success. The only feelings that oppose these are sadness and envy. How can I feel that way even when I don't want to? This is the single greatest professional opportunity in my best friend's life!!!

That's what I've been mulling for three days. Again, that scripture from James:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

In my mullings, I've realized that I want to be happy about wherever I am in life. It seems that I often get great opportunities and don't realize how much fun it is or how great it is until after its over. Besides missing out on fun, it's just healthier to enjoy where you're at instead of wishing you were elsewhere. In the last three days, I'd have a thought like that and instantly I'd start wishing I had Josh's opportunity instead of what I currently have. Obviously, I'm not considering it a 'great joy'. AAAARGGGHHH!

It's no doubt that Josh's opportunity is exactly what I wish I was doing. But for some reason, God has me here instead of there. For some reason God got Josh on that free flight -- a free flight destined to take someone to LA for an interview. What's that reason?... ?... ?

According to James, the reason is that when I'm tested, my endurance will have a chance to grow. I wrote just a few weeks ago about eagerly awaiting the Kingdom of Heaven -- to the point of violence (in reference to Jesus saying 'violent men will lay claim to the Kingdom of Heaven). Well, here is a chance to grow. I've seen throughout my life that God will reward me when I take a step of faith. I've especially seen this in the last year I've been in LA. Things haven't always worked out how I thought they would, but things have always worked out graciously and beautifully.

Will I sit an blow both an opportunity to be happy for my friend and grow in my endurance by sulking and wishing i had something else?

Or, will I consider it a joy when my feelings are hurt by how things have worked out? I can consider it a joy if I trust God has a gracious and beautiful plan waiting (as He always has). I don't want to have to trust everything will work out -- I want to take things into my own hands. If I'm forced to trust God, I fear I'll get burned (what if he's not real? what if he doesn't want me to be an editor? what if He wants me to do something I don't want to do?).

My faith is in the One who has saved me, saves me, and will save me. I'm not trusting Him for a better job or a job just like Josh's. I will sit and eagerly await the opportunity waiting for the guy who didn't take that free flight to LA. It's not bad for me to want to be an editor, but it may be bad to get upset when it doesn't go the way I want it to.

I think everyone wants what they don't have. Well, really we want things to be easier. God wants us to be great people. Sometimes things have to get hard for us to be the kind of people God desires. That may hurt our feelings b/c someone who loves us disagrees with what is best for us.

I will trust God knows best.

If you get a chance to congratulate Josh Salzberg on his great opportunity, please do so. It's amazing how everything worked out for him, even with the barriers in his way. His job will be official and secure on Monday as far as Josh is concerned (he can't believe it yet), I don't think things will change, but it might be a good idea to hold the congrats until Monday. Thanks for listening and helping me process.

Much Love
Collin