These are exerpts of 'The Divine Conspiracy' by Dallas Willard. I've been rereading this book over the last few weeks and have found some points quite profound.
THE HUMAN SPIRIT
The spirit and the space most familiar to each one of us are contained in our own personality. The necessary path of understanding lies in reflecting on our own makeup.
I am a spiritual being who currently has a physical body. I occupy my body and its environs by my consciousness of it and by my capacity to will and to act with and through it. I occupy my body and its proximate space, but I am not localizable in it or around it. You cannot find me or any of my thoughts, feelings, or character traits in any part of my body. Even I cannot. If you wish to find me, the last thing you should do is open my body to take a look -- or even examine it closely with a microscope or other physical instruments.
... To be sure, the brain is a relatively more important and interesting piece of flesh, but nothing of intellect, creativity, or character is to be found in it.
That very unity of experiences that constitutes a human self cannot be located at any point in or around this body through which we live, not even in the brain. Yet I am present as agent or causal influence with and about my body and its features and movements. In turn, what my body undergoes and provides influences my life as a personal being. And through my body, principally through my face and gestures, or "body language," but also verbally, I can make myself present to others.
The human face, and especially the eyes, are not just additional physical objects in space. We say that the eyes are the windows of the soul, and there is much truth to it. They and the face and hands are areas in space where the spiritual reality of the person becomes present to others. There the inmost being of the individual pours forth, though of course the person is no more literally identical with the his or her face or eyes than with lungs or toenails or brain.
Interestingly, "growing up" is largely a matter of learning to hide our spirit behind our face, eyes, and language so that we can evade and manage others to achieve what we want and avoid what we fear. By contrast, the child's face is a constant epiphany because it doesn't yet know how to do this. It cannot manage its face. This is also true of adults in moments of great feeling -- which is one reason why feeling is both greatly treasured and greatly feared.
Those who have attained considerable spiritual stature are frequently noted for their "childlikeness." What this really means is that they do not use their face and body to hide their spiritual reality. In their body they are genuinely present to those around them. That is a great spiritual attainment or gift.
Now, roughly speaking, God relates to space as we do to our body. He occupies and overflows it but cannot be localized in it. Every point in it is accessible to his consciousness and will, and his manifest presence can be focused in any location as he sees fit. In the incarnation he focused his reality in a special way in the body of Jesus. This was so that we might be "enlightened by the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" (2 Cor 4:6).
The traditional Christian understanding is that every physical object and every natural law is a manifestation of God's willing. This does not have to be taken in the sense that he is every second consciously choosing, for example, that this electron should be circling that neutron or that this pillar should be supporting that house. No doubt he could do that if he wished. But it is true in the same sense that the arrangement of the furniture in your apartment is a manifestation of your will. It is as you have provided for and want it to be, though you are not always thinking of that arrangement and "willing" it. It is also a continuing revelation of you to all who know you well.
(pg 75-76)
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then, this next passage gets me... how can this be if we believe the above? If only we'd have a view of God like the above -- how much would that change us?
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THE HUMAN QUANDRY
Of course that destiny flatly contradicts the usual human outlook, or what "everyone knows" to be the case. I take this to be a considerable point in its favor. Our "lives of quiet desperation," in the familiar words of Thoreau, are imposed by hopelessness. We find our world to be one where we hardly count at all, where what we do makes little difference, and where what we really love is unattainable, or certainly is not secure. We become frantic or despairing.
In his book 'The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley remarks, "Most men and women lead lives at the worst so painful, at the best so monotonous, poor and limited that the urge to escape, the longing to transcend themselves if only for a few moments, is and has always been one of the principal appetites of the soul." They are relentlessly driven to seek, in H.G. Wells's phrase, "Doors in the Wall" that entombs them in life.
(pg 82)
If we could see past the pain and bordom if life, we may see that God is near. How profound.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Juneau Reflections
I looked at the Juneau Men's Summer Project website (juneaumensproject.com) and instantly I was transported back to the Summer of '05. That wasn't a particularly fun or good or enjoyable summer for me, and I still haven't really figured out why. I often feel like I missed out on something special there... But I realize that I still love that place and that experience. From my struggles while in Juneau to my struggles now, trying to unwrap what happened there, I at least know I eagerly sought God.
One experience contains a lesson that I'm still chewing on: I went on a hike with several guys who were experienced hikers. Essentially, we hiked from our base camp to the base of Eagle Glacier. The first 3 miles were easy, then we had to scale several rock faces and balance on ledges overlooking dense forest at least 500 feet below us. Once at the glacier, we filled our water bottles with historic water and began to get back to camp before dark. Just as we left, the melting glacier caused a rather large rock slide. Luckily we were shielded from the big rocks. It was rather surreal to watch large boulders roll down a 500 foot canyon wall and crash into a plateau just feet from us. The hike back was rather hard -- several times we had to hold our positions as one of our crew slipped and barely avoided going over the edge (I say 'barely', but who knows how close it actually was... to me, there were several close calls). At one point, I had to walk/slide down a steep embankment (overlooking forest at a much lower elevation) only to then have to climb a vertical rock face and then come down the other side. Needless to say, i was kind of stress out the whole time, but we all made it without injury.
That's part of the story, but it's meaning is still a mystery to me. One hard aspect for me to cope with was that while I was with these guys who generally cared for me, I was still expected to carry my own weight and look out for myself. They expected me to be able to climb vertical rock faces and balance on ledges. Maybe it was easy for them, but it was a lot to be expected from my point of view. I suspect, however, that all of us were at least a little scared. I also suspect that I regret missing the excitement of it all -- the extreme adventure that I had the pleasure of living. Instead, worry and fear fill the memories.
When I climbed the rock face, one of the project leaders, Craig Johring, was beside me hanging on to the rock and showing me where to hold and put weight. Craig was in his 50's, and was one of those guys that reminds me of John Wayne -- probably preferred to spend his time outside chewing on metal and grime. He bonded more with other guys and (justifiably) rarely talked to me up until this point. Plus, the staff left for the 2nd half of the project... only to return at the end to wrap things up. At the top of the rock, he said, 'You're a warrior, Collin.'
I certainly didn't feel like a warrior, and next to the other guys, I didn't look like a warrior, either. But it still meant something to me... if only for the moment I hesitated before going down the other side of the rock.
Two days later, at our 'end of project' ceremony, each guy had the privilege of going in to the woods and have an individual fire-lit conversation with the project leaders. When my name was called, I walked up to the fire and had no idea what they were going to say. Craig was there, and we'd talked once, earlier on in the day... and Jason was the other leader -- we talked every week about video stuff... but I didn't know either one well. First they presented me with a knife and the GPS coordinates of a rock I'd engraved with a note to myself for future findings. Then, out of nowhere, Craig starts raving about what a warrior I was on the trail that day. I felt honored.
Later that night, the staff baptized several men, including me, and then took us down to a local convenience store and let us go on a shopping spree. On a full stomach, I went with Craig and a few other guys to a remote location to watch the Northern Lights. As we laid there, I began to realize how much I had missed out on... not because of anyone else, but because I let fear and worry have too much say.
The great and currently haunting thing about Juneau is I feel it brought out a side of me that doesn't normally come out. I don't go out and climb rocks or tough it in the wild anymore. Any comparison of Juneau to my current life just doesn't work -- they're too different. But the side of me that came out is still part of me, none the less. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel the lessons I learned are mostly applicable to that other side (aside from what I learned about God).
That 'other side' grows restless in me from time to time -- I'll suddenly have a desire to join the military and fight in Iraq... or I'll try and get away from the sprawling suburban community I live in and find a small amount of refuge at the beach or in my car -- just separate from my current life.
I don't think there's anything wrong with my life, but I need to vent this other side, too. I may be smart or a fast editor or a nice guy in my current life -- but there's not a place for a warrior.
(where else but SE Alaska can you go snag salmon fishing, see a black bear just feet in front of your face, catch and eat crab within a 20 minute span, see the Northern Lights, watch whales, and risk your life to see a glacier?... ?)
One experience contains a lesson that I'm still chewing on: I went on a hike with several guys who were experienced hikers. Essentially, we hiked from our base camp to the base of Eagle Glacier. The first 3 miles were easy, then we had to scale several rock faces and balance on ledges overlooking dense forest at least 500 feet below us. Once at the glacier, we filled our water bottles with historic water and began to get back to camp before dark. Just as we left, the melting glacier caused a rather large rock slide. Luckily we were shielded from the big rocks. It was rather surreal to watch large boulders roll down a 500 foot canyon wall and crash into a plateau just feet from us. The hike back was rather hard -- several times we had to hold our positions as one of our crew slipped and barely avoided going over the edge (I say 'barely', but who knows how close it actually was... to me, there were several close calls). At one point, I had to walk/slide down a steep embankment (overlooking forest at a much lower elevation) only to then have to climb a vertical rock face and then come down the other side. Needless to say, i was kind of stress out the whole time, but we all made it without injury.
That's part of the story, but it's meaning is still a mystery to me. One hard aspect for me to cope with was that while I was with these guys who generally cared for me, I was still expected to carry my own weight and look out for myself. They expected me to be able to climb vertical rock faces and balance on ledges. Maybe it was easy for them, but it was a lot to be expected from my point of view. I suspect, however, that all of us were at least a little scared. I also suspect that I regret missing the excitement of it all -- the extreme adventure that I had the pleasure of living. Instead, worry and fear fill the memories.
When I climbed the rock face, one of the project leaders, Craig Johring, was beside me hanging on to the rock and showing me where to hold and put weight. Craig was in his 50's, and was one of those guys that reminds me of John Wayne -- probably preferred to spend his time outside chewing on metal and grime. He bonded more with other guys and (justifiably) rarely talked to me up until this point. Plus, the staff left for the 2nd half of the project... only to return at the end to wrap things up. At the top of the rock, he said, 'You're a warrior, Collin.'
I certainly didn't feel like a warrior, and next to the other guys, I didn't look like a warrior, either. But it still meant something to me... if only for the moment I hesitated before going down the other side of the rock.
Two days later, at our 'end of project' ceremony, each guy had the privilege of going in to the woods and have an individual fire-lit conversation with the project leaders. When my name was called, I walked up to the fire and had no idea what they were going to say. Craig was there, and we'd talked once, earlier on in the day... and Jason was the other leader -- we talked every week about video stuff... but I didn't know either one well. First they presented me with a knife and the GPS coordinates of a rock I'd engraved with a note to myself for future findings. Then, out of nowhere, Craig starts raving about what a warrior I was on the trail that day. I felt honored.
Later that night, the staff baptized several men, including me, and then took us down to a local convenience store and let us go on a shopping spree. On a full stomach, I went with Craig and a few other guys to a remote location to watch the Northern Lights. As we laid there, I began to realize how much I had missed out on... not because of anyone else, but because I let fear and worry have too much say.
The great and currently haunting thing about Juneau is I feel it brought out a side of me that doesn't normally come out. I don't go out and climb rocks or tough it in the wild anymore. Any comparison of Juneau to my current life just doesn't work -- they're too different. But the side of me that came out is still part of me, none the less. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel the lessons I learned are mostly applicable to that other side (aside from what I learned about God).
That 'other side' grows restless in me from time to time -- I'll suddenly have a desire to join the military and fight in Iraq... or I'll try and get away from the sprawling suburban community I live in and find a small amount of refuge at the beach or in my car -- just separate from my current life.
I don't think there's anything wrong with my life, but I need to vent this other side, too. I may be smart or a fast editor or a nice guy in my current life -- but there's not a place for a warrior.
(where else but SE Alaska can you go snag salmon fishing, see a black bear just feet in front of your face, catch and eat crab within a 20 minute span, see the Northern Lights, watch whales, and risk your life to see a glacier?... ?)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Local 700
Baking the incredibly hot sun today, I had to remember why I was in Glendale. I'm used to temperatures near my home in Playa Vista hovering around 75-80... maybe 85 on a really hot day. Glendale, nestled in the hills just North of Hollywood and East of Burbank, regularly reaches temperatures over 105... especially these last few weeks. Summer isn't ready to give way to Fall just yet.
Glendale is home to the CSATF, a unmemorable acronym that amounts to Safety Training. I was there today in my final step to become a member of the Local 700 (Motion Picture Editor's Guild). After watching a required 40 minute video, I passed an exam and was handed a 'Safety Passport', which is more or less a joke if taken seriously. It proves valuable when verification is needed of union membership. Ah, an ID book.
CSATF was an interesting place due to the people that congregate there. There are many unions that require members to undergo training (hopefully training that is more relevant and useful than mine)... and by the looks of these people, it's some type of manual labor. These guys were too cool for school 15 years ago but luckily have some sort of union backing now. At first I was intimidated, but one of these burley men sat next to me and seemed to be polite.
Glendale was the end of a long day of travel and meetings. My first destination was Hollywood where I attended an orientation meeting at the Editor's Guild office. A witty and humorous guy talked a group of 5 through the benefits of being in the union -- namely higher pay rates and a good health plan (needing 600 hours to qualify, then 300 to get 6 months coverage). The health care is superb... 100% coverage and if you stay an active member of the union for 15 years (400 hours is a qualifying year) Lifetime Coverage kicks in for you and a spouse. My favorite part of the union is how they make employers do a bunch of stuff for their employees. Namely, employers are required to set aside 5% of an employees earnings into an individual account -- totally separate from the employee and similar to a 401K, but without the missing money from a paycheck. After the orientation, my paperwork was pre-approved and I was sent to Encino (almost as hot as Glendale) to meet with contract services.
Contract Services, the CS of CSATF, is responsible for putting me on the 'Industry Experience Roster'. They manage 17 local unions in Los Angeles, so it was also a pretty crazy visit. Once I'm actually on the roster (20 days from now) I'll officially be in. Then, I can utilize the 'available list' at the Guild Office, where new productions can staff their crew. Apparently, it works b/c you can only be on it for 45 days (they will extend you if necessary, but they made it sound like that's not the usual). I filled out my I-9 tax form and gave the nice lady my paperwork and was then off to Glendale.
Professionally, I'm an Assistant Editor. Please, call me Assistant Editor Collin or Collin the Assistant Editor. Someday soon, I might actually work a union job and reap the benefits of this simple day of travel and sun.
The documentary is going well. The crew traveled to the East Coast to get more interviews today and hopefully will be back with everything on Friday. Ryan (the current co-editor) and I hope to have a semi-fine cut on Sept. 22nd, our last day. I'm hoping the work will keep on a little longer so we can pretty everything up... but hopefully that Sept 22nd cut will be enough for Nehst Studios to purchase the film and from there... I have no idea what will happen. But, more than likely, I'll be looking for my first union job.
Other than Josh's great connections with assistant editors and post-production supervisors in feature films, I have made my own connections in the TV Post-Production world. Two Friday's ago, I visited my friend Jenny (a former driver at Flyer Entertainment) at the Paramount lot where she works as a personal assistant to an actor on an HBO tv show. She's cool and fun to hang out with, and, on top of that, she introduced me to the post production supervisor of the show (his name is Douglas Hunter). Turns out, he has a short Documentary project that needed an editor. So, I volunteered 10-15 hours per week. As we start to get on the same page with the project, I find out he's a Christian and really easy to work with. So, I share that I, too, am a Christian. Anyways, not that big of a deal, but I'm sure if this short documentary goes well, there could be work waiting for me on his next show.
We'll see -- point is: Opportunities are plentiful, yet still not fully realized. That's good b/c right now I really need to focus on finishing Blood Equity... when it's done, i'm sure something will reveal itself.
thanks for reading all my blabbing. I hope at least some of it was interesting.
-Çollin
Glendale is home to the CSATF, a unmemorable acronym that amounts to Safety Training. I was there today in my final step to become a member of the Local 700 (Motion Picture Editor's Guild). After watching a required 40 minute video, I passed an exam and was handed a 'Safety Passport', which is more or less a joke if taken seriously. It proves valuable when verification is needed of union membership. Ah, an ID book.
CSATF was an interesting place due to the people that congregate there. There are many unions that require members to undergo training (hopefully training that is more relevant and useful than mine)... and by the looks of these people, it's some type of manual labor. These guys were too cool for school 15 years ago but luckily have some sort of union backing now. At first I was intimidated, but one of these burley men sat next to me and seemed to be polite.
Glendale was the end of a long day of travel and meetings. My first destination was Hollywood where I attended an orientation meeting at the Editor's Guild office. A witty and humorous guy talked a group of 5 through the benefits of being in the union -- namely higher pay rates and a good health plan (needing 600 hours to qualify, then 300 to get 6 months coverage). The health care is superb... 100% coverage and if you stay an active member of the union for 15 years (400 hours is a qualifying year) Lifetime Coverage kicks in for you and a spouse. My favorite part of the union is how they make employers do a bunch of stuff for their employees. Namely, employers are required to set aside 5% of an employees earnings into an individual account -- totally separate from the employee and similar to a 401K, but without the missing money from a paycheck. After the orientation, my paperwork was pre-approved and I was sent to Encino (almost as hot as Glendale) to meet with contract services.
Contract Services, the CS of CSATF, is responsible for putting me on the 'Industry Experience Roster'. They manage 17 local unions in Los Angeles, so it was also a pretty crazy visit. Once I'm actually on the roster (20 days from now) I'll officially be in. Then, I can utilize the 'available list' at the Guild Office, where new productions can staff their crew. Apparently, it works b/c you can only be on it for 45 days (they will extend you if necessary, but they made it sound like that's not the usual). I filled out my I-9 tax form and gave the nice lady my paperwork and was then off to Glendale.
Professionally, I'm an Assistant Editor. Please, call me Assistant Editor Collin or Collin the Assistant Editor. Someday soon, I might actually work a union job and reap the benefits of this simple day of travel and sun.
The documentary is going well. The crew traveled to the East Coast to get more interviews today and hopefully will be back with everything on Friday. Ryan (the current co-editor) and I hope to have a semi-fine cut on Sept. 22nd, our last day. I'm hoping the work will keep on a little longer so we can pretty everything up... but hopefully that Sept 22nd cut will be enough for Nehst Studios to purchase the film and from there... I have no idea what will happen. But, more than likely, I'll be looking for my first union job.
Other than Josh's great connections with assistant editors and post-production supervisors in feature films, I have made my own connections in the TV Post-Production world. Two Friday's ago, I visited my friend Jenny (a former driver at Flyer Entertainment) at the Paramount lot where she works as a personal assistant to an actor on an HBO tv show. She's cool and fun to hang out with, and, on top of that, she introduced me to the post production supervisor of the show (his name is Douglas Hunter). Turns out, he has a short Documentary project that needed an editor. So, I volunteered 10-15 hours per week. As we start to get on the same page with the project, I find out he's a Christian and really easy to work with. So, I share that I, too, am a Christian. Anyways, not that big of a deal, but I'm sure if this short documentary goes well, there could be work waiting for me on his next show.
We'll see -- point is: Opportunities are plentiful, yet still not fully realized. That's good b/c right now I really need to focus on finishing Blood Equity... when it's done, i'm sure something will reveal itself.
thanks for reading all my blabbing. I hope at least some of it was interesting.
-Çollin
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