ending

This is some part of a story that i just wrote to kinda personify how I feel about some things right now... It's a fictional situation where I've betrayed someone... I just felt like writing it down...

----------------------------------------------
I couldn't bear to see the look on his face -- but even more, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart -- knowing that I'd betrayed my best friend. This has happened before and I vowed, I swore, I'd never let it happen again. It wasn't even the look on his face... it was that I could sense his vast disappointment and maybe God's disappointment in me. I wanted to run from it all.

I had a similar experience when I broke my wrist. I was sledding and I couldn't stop in time to avoid going head first into a tree. I got my hands up just in time to brace for the impact... and I remember getting up and just screaming at the top of my lungs -- the pain was unbelievable. I wanted to run so bad -- just run away from the pain. But the pain was inside of me: I couldn't get away.

So I just stood in the parking lot with my best friend. Seconds passed like kidney stones. I finally had to walk away. It was kind of poetic because he just stood there in this beam of light from a street lamp as I vanished into darkness. I turned around to look back a couple of times and he didn't move. What could I say to him?

The next day at school I passed him in the hall. He looked down as we crossed paths. That hurt me the most -- I knew then that he wasn't going to tell anyone. He was going to let me get away with it. If you get busted for doing something wrong, at least you can say you paid the price. But if someone lets you get away with it, you either feel really lucky or really bad. At the time I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop.
-----------------------------------------------------------

-C