Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
-James 1:2-4
After three full days of mulling things over and not really going to God enough, I finally recalled scripture that pertains to my current plight. I've been trying to put my last few days into perspective: My car breaking down and needing $600 in repair; My roommate getting a really awesome, high paying job (more on this later); My car breaking down again and probably needing another $2,000 in repairs; My vision remaining compromised by my cornea disease... I could go on with other things, but let's break for perspective. Most of my worries and 'struggles' are simply a lack of perspective:
In most other places in the world, a man my age would just be entering his senior year of college (probably a college he was placed in by his government) after spending the first two years after high school in the non-volunteer army. His life was pretty well chosen for him by his genes and by his government. And these men don't have the worst of it -- many other men are going through famines where druglords control international aide. Others must worry about being killed by a stray bomb or an intentional bullet as they carefully live in Baghdad or Kabul. My money issues don't compare to life and death trials.
I don't have to worry about terrorism or armies outside my front door. I certainly haven't had to worry about going hungry. As far as my eyes go, in a lot of other countries I wouldn't have the eye care I've received here in LA and I wouldn't know there was anything I could do to improve vision (if only for a portion of the day) with specially fitted rigid contacts.
All of those issues need perspective. Simple. I don' t have to feel bad about them if I don't want to. In fact, I should probably feel bad that I have it so well while so much of the world suffers more than I will EVER know. But what I do feel is universal in my plight is my desire for what others have been given.
I want to be a feature film editor. I've known this for the last year -- since I decided to move to LA. As I moved to LA, so did my college roommate. In fact, he was able to land an internship at a high-profile production company before we even arrived. I didn't have work and ended up settling for a job at a company that edits movie trailers. In March(ish), my roommate was offered a post-production assistant position on a feature film being produced by the production company he interned for last year (his first 'gig'). He contemplated turning it down or trying to give it to me, but in the end he decided it was best that he take it. I took notice b/c I knew that a Post PA job was exactly the kind of 'in' i needed to start my career in feature editing.
Josh got to know the assistant editor well and they developed a good relationship. Josh left the feature in June to help me edit a feature documentary. The assistant editor asked Josh to follow him to his next job (the new Adam McKay / Will Ferrel movie) in September. As we neared the scheduled end of our documentary, Josh started to contact Alex (the assistant editor) and found out he needed to join the editing guild to secure a job on the movie. Josh started a long two month process to jump thru all the loops the guild maintains.
Josh tells me that the reason he needs to be in the guild is b/c they want to hire him on at a union position -- apprentice editor. This is the next step up from a Post PA and technically only one step below assistant editor. I'm seeing flashes of my future because this is all right up my alley. The only problem is that this is Josh doing all this, not me. For a while, it seemed the guild would prove to have too many hoops to jump through. Josh was getting frustrated and was ready to give up and look for another opportunity in his desired field of work, Writing for TV. But as he traveled back from a weekend excursion with his girlfriend in New Orleans, he was told that all was going to work out and he was hired.
Quick side note: Josh was able to land the internship at the production company because of a free flight my mom gave him. Before Josh's opportunity came up, she was telling me I could use it to fly to LA for an interview. I was unable to secure an interview before Josh. When he told me he finally had one but couldn't make it because he and his family didn't have enough money for a flight, I couldn't in good conscience, hold back the free flight I had at my disposal.
I say this not to seem pompous and bitter, but to say there seems to be something larger than me going on here. God knows my desire and prayers to be an Editor, and yet it is Josh that has and is walking down this path I thought for sure would be mine.
As Josh told me about the great news (including an insanely wonderful salary, Will Ferrel, and working on the nearby Sony Lot), I had a serious case of the 'mixed feelings' bug. Of course I'm happy for him on many levels and proud of him for fighting through the guild. I'm also happy that he'll have an opportunity to be financially secure and set himself up for future success. The only feelings that oppose these are sadness and envy. How can I feel that way even when I don't want to? This is the single greatest professional opportunity in my best friend's life!!!
That's what I've been mulling for three days. Again, that scripture from James:
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
In my mullings, I've realized that I want to be happy about wherever I am in life. It seems that I often get great opportunities and don't realize how much fun it is or how great it is until after its over. Besides missing out on fun, it's just healthier to enjoy where you're at instead of wishing you were elsewhere. In the last three days, I'd have a thought like that and instantly I'd start wishing I had Josh's opportunity instead of what I currently have. Obviously, I'm not considering it a 'great joy'. AAAARGGGHHH!
It's no doubt that Josh's opportunity is exactly what I wish I was doing. But for some reason, God has me here instead of there. For some reason God got Josh on that free flight -- a free flight destined to take someone to LA for an interview. What's that reason?... ?... ?
According to James, the reason is that when I'm tested, my endurance will have a chance to grow. I wrote just a few weeks ago about eagerly awaiting the Kingdom of Heaven -- to the point of violence (in reference to Jesus saying 'violent men will lay claim to the Kingdom of Heaven). Well, here is a chance to grow. I've seen throughout my life that God will reward me when I take a step of faith. I've especially seen this in the last year I've been in LA. Things haven't always worked out how I thought they would, but things have always worked out graciously and beautifully.
Will I sit an blow both an opportunity to be happy for my friend and grow in my endurance by sulking and wishing i had something else?
Or, will I consider it a joy when my feelings are hurt by how things have worked out? I can consider it a joy if I trust God has a gracious and beautiful plan waiting (as He always has). I don't want to have to trust everything will work out -- I want to take things into my own hands. If I'm forced to trust God, I fear I'll get burned (what if he's not real? what if he doesn't want me to be an editor? what if He wants me to do something I don't want to do?).
My faith is in the One who has saved me, saves me, and will save me. I'm not trusting Him for a better job or a job just like Josh's. I will sit and eagerly await the opportunity waiting for the guy who didn't take that free flight to LA. It's not bad for me to want to be an editor, but it may be bad to get upset when it doesn't go the way I want it to.
I think everyone wants what they don't have. Well, really we want things to be easier. God wants us to be great people. Sometimes things have to get hard for us to be the kind of people God desires. That may hurt our feelings b/c someone who loves us disagrees with what is best for us.
I will trust God knows best.
If you get a chance to congratulate Josh Salzberg on his great opportunity, please do so. It's amazing how everything worked out for him, even with the barriers in his way. His job will be official and secure on Monday as far as Josh is concerned (he can't believe it yet), I don't think things will change, but it might be a good idea to hold the congrats until Monday. Thanks for listening and helping me process.
Much Love
Collin
Friday, August 24, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Void
From Eric Bryant @ Mosaic:
(paraphrased)
I'm convinced that the early church was looked at as being kinda weird. I mean, think about it: They claimed that God became man and walked around the earth. Then he was killed (GOD was killed!!!) and then he rose from the dead and soon gave His Holy Spirit to those who would follow him. Back in the day, those were some pretty 'out there' beliefs. But something interesting was happening in the early church... let's look at Acts Chapter 2 -- starting in verse 42.
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Look at verse 44! That's amazing! Something had happened inside of them, they had changed so much that whenever someone had need, they would sell their stuff to help them out. People back in the days of the early church KNEW they could come for help. They KNEW they would be helped. Not just some superficial help or a smile -- these early believers were sacrificing to help people in need.
I'm sure the people that lived with these early Christians were like, "Well, they have some crazy beliefs but I KNOW they will help me if i ask."
It's obvious that the early church was transformed by Jesus. Here's another example: Look at verse47. "praising God and ENJOYING THE FAVOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE." They actually enjoyed ALL PEOPLE. Obviously something supernatural is going on here because we all know it's not humanly possible to love all people. When Jesus is asked 'Which is the greatest commandment?", He answers with, "Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus wasn't confused. He knows how we work... how we think.
A lot of us out there have no problem loving God. One of the favorite sayings of people working for the church is, 'ministry would be great if it wasn't for the people.' Those of us who say or think like that have no problem loving God. But then there are some of us who love other people. We are always around them and they give us life. But what Jesus is saying is to really be able to love other people, you need to love God. Likewise, if you really love God, you will love all people.
Back in Acts 2:47, we see that the last thing it says is 'the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.' This is fascinating. Again, these early Christians had some pretty 'out there' beliefs. I'm convinced it wasn't their beliefs that captivated friends, family and neighbors. These people were captivated by the early Christians' character. Character, not beliefs.
In Los Angeles, where millions and millions of people live, it's easy to see someone in need and think, "Oh, someone else is taking care of them." God has done amazing things through strangers, but I'm talking more about people that are already in your life. People are amazingly open to new ideas at points of transition -- death of a brother, change of jobs, moving, birth of a child. People in your life often go through these transition times.
When my wife and I moved to Los Angeles 10 years ago, we had a hard time finding the right part of town to live in. In our first 6 months, we lived in 4 different places. Through all of this, we started attending a small group from Mosaic. When it came time for us to move again, our entire small group came to our home and spent an entire Saturday helping us pack and move. Like I said, we were new to the city... we barely knew any of these people. But their actions spoke volumes about who they were.
Think about those people in your life -- were there is already a relationship. Sometimes you just feel like you need a hug. Instead of asking someone else for a hug, find someone that needs a hug more than you do. As the early church demonstrated, put others before yourself (with supernatural help). And, every time I've hugged someone, they've hugged back... (except for my mother-in-law).
In the early church, it was more about character than beliefs. Now-a-days, people don't care so much about where they're going after they die. Some might tell them they're going to hell after they die if they don't have a certain set of beliefs -- and this may be true. BUT, they feel like they're in hell now... in THIS moment. 'What will God do for me now?' they ask.
Show these people in you life that your care for them. Just as with the early church, do people know that they can come to you when it all goes wrong?... when they transition?
If you're on the fence a little bit about what Jesus said (love God AND love your neighbor), maybe you need to do what I did. (to make a long story short) I admitted that I didn't love people (it was easy to love God...). I knew that I needed Jesus' help. I asked Jesus for help and ever since then, my life has been radically changed. You can go to Jesus and ask him for help... and you can trust that He will be there for you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Inspired partially by this sermon (Titled "Curry Favor" if you do a search on iTunes for Mosaic Podcast) and partially by an inner calling to do so, I'm asking Jesus to help me. I don't quite know what is wrong, but there is certainly a void present in my soul. I don't know how long it's been there b/c I've been so busy I've barely had time to think about this stuff. I'm seeking help by faithfully reading scripture and praying for 15-20 minutes every day for the next 40 days. I don't really know what will come of this, but i do know that it can only be good.
As Eric said above, I don't think I really have much in common with the early church.
Anyways, I'm curious as to what will happen in the next 40 days. I'll be sure and update the blog (as always) so others can see what happens.
Thanks for listening!
-Collin
(paraphrased)
I'm convinced that the early church was looked at as being kinda weird. I mean, think about it: They claimed that God became man and walked around the earth. Then he was killed (GOD was killed!!!) and then he rose from the dead and soon gave His Holy Spirit to those who would follow him. Back in the day, those were some pretty 'out there' beliefs. But something interesting was happening in the early church... let's look at Acts Chapter 2 -- starting in verse 42.
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Look at verse 44! That's amazing! Something had happened inside of them, they had changed so much that whenever someone had need, they would sell their stuff to help them out. People back in the days of the early church KNEW they could come for help. They KNEW they would be helped. Not just some superficial help or a smile -- these early believers were sacrificing to help people in need.
I'm sure the people that lived with these early Christians were like, "Well, they have some crazy beliefs but I KNOW they will help me if i ask."
It's obvious that the early church was transformed by Jesus. Here's another example: Look at verse47. "praising God and ENJOYING THE FAVOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE." They actually enjoyed ALL PEOPLE. Obviously something supernatural is going on here because we all know it's not humanly possible to love all people. When Jesus is asked 'Which is the greatest commandment?", He answers with, "Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus wasn't confused. He knows how we work... how we think.
A lot of us out there have no problem loving God. One of the favorite sayings of people working for the church is, 'ministry would be great if it wasn't for the people.' Those of us who say or think like that have no problem loving God. But then there are some of us who love other people. We are always around them and they give us life. But what Jesus is saying is to really be able to love other people, you need to love God. Likewise, if you really love God, you will love all people.
Back in Acts 2:47, we see that the last thing it says is 'the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.' This is fascinating. Again, these early Christians had some pretty 'out there' beliefs. I'm convinced it wasn't their beliefs that captivated friends, family and neighbors. These people were captivated by the early Christians' character. Character, not beliefs.
In Los Angeles, where millions and millions of people live, it's easy to see someone in need and think, "Oh, someone else is taking care of them." God has done amazing things through strangers, but I'm talking more about people that are already in your life. People are amazingly open to new ideas at points of transition -- death of a brother, change of jobs, moving, birth of a child. People in your life often go through these transition times.
When my wife and I moved to Los Angeles 10 years ago, we had a hard time finding the right part of town to live in. In our first 6 months, we lived in 4 different places. Through all of this, we started attending a small group from Mosaic. When it came time for us to move again, our entire small group came to our home and spent an entire Saturday helping us pack and move. Like I said, we were new to the city... we barely knew any of these people. But their actions spoke volumes about who they were.
Think about those people in your life -- were there is already a relationship. Sometimes you just feel like you need a hug. Instead of asking someone else for a hug, find someone that needs a hug more than you do. As the early church demonstrated, put others before yourself (with supernatural help). And, every time I've hugged someone, they've hugged back... (except for my mother-in-law).
In the early church, it was more about character than beliefs. Now-a-days, people don't care so much about where they're going after they die. Some might tell them they're going to hell after they die if they don't have a certain set of beliefs -- and this may be true. BUT, they feel like they're in hell now... in THIS moment. 'What will God do for me now?' they ask.
Show these people in you life that your care for them. Just as with the early church, do people know that they can come to you when it all goes wrong?... when they transition?
If you're on the fence a little bit about what Jesus said (love God AND love your neighbor), maybe you need to do what I did. (to make a long story short) I admitted that I didn't love people (it was easy to love God...). I knew that I needed Jesus' help. I asked Jesus for help and ever since then, my life has been radically changed. You can go to Jesus and ask him for help... and you can trust that He will be there for you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Inspired partially by this sermon (Titled "Curry Favor" if you do a search on iTunes for Mosaic Podcast) and partially by an inner calling to do so, I'm asking Jesus to help me. I don't quite know what is wrong, but there is certainly a void present in my soul. I don't know how long it's been there b/c I've been so busy I've barely had time to think about this stuff. I'm seeking help by faithfully reading scripture and praying for 15-20 minutes every day for the next 40 days. I don't really know what will come of this, but i do know that it can only be good.
As Eric said above, I don't think I really have much in common with the early church.
Anyways, I'm curious as to what will happen in the next 40 days. I'll be sure and update the blog (as always) so others can see what happens.
Thanks for listening!
-Collin
Monday, August 06, 2007
2 Weeks
I met a girl named Abi. She's 28 and starting a five year graduate school program at Wheaton. She's going to be a psychologist. I also met a guy named Norm. He's 52 and has been working with video since before I was born. Norm's been a pastor, video editor and a systems analyst for University of Nebraska - Lincoln. They were pretty much my older sister and brother for the last two weeks. I had some good times with them as we volunteered for the Media Team at the National Youth Gathering (for the Lutheran Church) in Orlando, Florida. One night, we all went out for some drinks at the hotel bar. We sat and talked and laughed for almost five hours.
I told Abi that it seems that I may have missed the 'boat' when I didn't land a wife in college. We talked about how hard it is to meet people on your own time. She said this to me:
"Collin, that's not your path. Look at Todd and Kelly --- both just graduated college; Todd's going to seminary; Kelly is teaching first grade: They are so.... (she gestures with her hands)... perfect and normal. That's not your path. God has a different idea in mind for you."
Abi is probably the coolest girl I've met in a while. Back in June when I first met her, she was rather intimidating. Her personality is strong and she has quick wit. I think she thought of me as more an adult than a college kid. I like that.
Norm was my roommate for the 9 days I stayed in Orlando. Norm is married with a 13 year-old son. He is meticulous in all his work -- probably to the detriment of a deadline driven 'bottom line'. We'd talk every night before we went to sleep. It was cool t hear about his life... a lot of it was personal stuff that I don't want to share. But I felt very normal and comfortable around Norm and he gave me lots of respect b/c of my background in video and my career field.
Both Norm and Abi made the 9 days bearable. Without them... it would have been tough.
I wasn't getting paid but there were tight deadlines and long hours. On average, I went to bed at 2am and got up at 8:30. I'd break for dinner for an hour -- but that was my only break. But I learned lots of positive things thru my experience:
1. I can stay in a room and edit all day for several days in a row and do nothing but work. Before the Gathering, I didn't know if I 'had it in me'.
2. A hierarchy is important to getting things done. Without it, there is an uneven workload and time is wasted.
3. I actually felt comfortable editing -- like I knew what I was doing. I also lacked that confidence going into the Gathering. For each project I worked on, I had a method and reason to all my work. I completed the work in a short amount of time and it was quality. That gives me confidence that I am doing something right.
I'd consider working for the Gathering again -- I'd be much more inclined to do it if there were some sort of pay involved. Under usual circumstances I could not afford to take 7 work days off in a row. However, the people I've met made an impact on my life and if the Gathering is the only way I can be with them again -- I may not require compensation.
------------------------------------
The other side of the 2 Weeks is my employment status. In two more weeks, I'll be officually unemployed.
Josh ' "There is no reason that in two weeks you can't have the job you want."
That's encouraging. But just as when I waited for a job last September, I can't help but be a little anxious. i sent my resume to a Post House in Santa Monica that was looking for an assistant editor/editor type. it paid $20/hour and they claim to work on indie films. That job would be sweet. And there is also the possibility of a Post PA job on a feature film thru Josh's connection with the Will Ferrel/Adam McKay editing crew. Here is how that stuff breaks down:
Post PA (non guild) $650/week
Post PA / Apprentice (guild member) $1,050/week
Assistant Editor (guild member) $2,000/week
(all salaries are minimum payment)
Josh seems to think I can do it -- please pray he is right.
I may be able to join a crew as a Post PA and then after that job move in to an apprenticeship. Or some other job could come into play. It should be pretty exciting in the mean time.
\
-C
I told Abi that it seems that I may have missed the 'boat' when I didn't land a wife in college. We talked about how hard it is to meet people on your own time. She said this to me:
"Collin, that's not your path. Look at Todd and Kelly --- both just graduated college; Todd's going to seminary; Kelly is teaching first grade: They are so.... (she gestures with her hands)... perfect and normal. That's not your path. God has a different idea in mind for you."
Abi is probably the coolest girl I've met in a while. Back in June when I first met her, she was rather intimidating. Her personality is strong and she has quick wit. I think she thought of me as more an adult than a college kid. I like that.
Norm was my roommate for the 9 days I stayed in Orlando. Norm is married with a 13 year-old son. He is meticulous in all his work -- probably to the detriment of a deadline driven 'bottom line'. We'd talk every night before we went to sleep. It was cool t hear about his life... a lot of it was personal stuff that I don't want to share. But I felt very normal and comfortable around Norm and he gave me lots of respect b/c of my background in video and my career field.
Both Norm and Abi made the 9 days bearable. Without them... it would have been tough.
I wasn't getting paid but there were tight deadlines and long hours. On average, I went to bed at 2am and got up at 8:30. I'd break for dinner for an hour -- but that was my only break. But I learned lots of positive things thru my experience:
1. I can stay in a room and edit all day for several days in a row and do nothing but work. Before the Gathering, I didn't know if I 'had it in me'.
2. A hierarchy is important to getting things done. Without it, there is an uneven workload and time is wasted.
3. I actually felt comfortable editing -- like I knew what I was doing. I also lacked that confidence going into the Gathering. For each project I worked on, I had a method and reason to all my work. I completed the work in a short amount of time and it was quality. That gives me confidence that I am doing something right.
I'd consider working for the Gathering again -- I'd be much more inclined to do it if there were some sort of pay involved. Under usual circumstances I could not afford to take 7 work days off in a row. However, the people I've met made an impact on my life and if the Gathering is the only way I can be with them again -- I may not require compensation.
------------------------------------
The other side of the 2 Weeks is my employment status. In two more weeks, I'll be officually unemployed.
Josh ' "There is no reason that in two weeks you can't have the job you want."
That's encouraging. But just as when I waited for a job last September, I can't help but be a little anxious. i sent my resume to a Post House in Santa Monica that was looking for an assistant editor/editor type. it paid $20/hour and they claim to work on indie films. That job would be sweet. And there is also the possibility of a Post PA job on a feature film thru Josh's connection with the Will Ferrel/Adam McKay editing crew. Here is how that stuff breaks down:
Post PA (non guild) $650/week
Post PA / Apprentice (guild member) $1,050/week
Assistant Editor (guild member) $2,000/week
(all salaries are minimum payment)
Josh seems to think I can do it -- please pray he is right.
I may be able to join a crew as a Post PA and then after that job move in to an apprenticeship. Or some other job could come into play. It should be pretty exciting in the mean time.
\
-C
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