days like these...

It's days like these...

I worked a 12 hour day, a 13 hour day, and a 14.5 hour day... back to back to back. Plus I finished a video for church.
Following my 14 hour day, I came to work to get yelled at b/c I made an error the previous day. A bunch of stuff happened over the last few days that made me want to cry or scream or break something. Somehow (by grace) I made it through the week alive and without seriously injuring someone.

I don't like my job at times. I hate that I'm marginalized and compromised by work. I constantly consider how little money I'm being paid (factoring in the cost of living). With work at ti's most stressful, I contemplate finding a new job. With people at their worst (including myself) I want to isolate myself from the world -- maybe that would prevent the anger and frustration of dealing with others.

But then I see a glimmer of what may be. I see a ray of light. I see the possibility of being part of something larger than myself. I see working with others for creative good instead of administrative bull. I see the fusion of art and business as it walks a fine line between chaos and confinment. I see Felix's show or my 300 spot and I see that there is escape from beaurocratic political entrapment. I see being involved in a project to the extent that a-holes and d-bags don't get to me.

When Josh and I were working on Birth Control, the whole crew came together and sacrificed for the good of the project. Maybe money corrupts the beauty of art and collaboration... But when I see these glimmers of hope, I get excited about the industry again. I get excited by Felix's show because I beleive he's found a story that hasn't been told... a story that is interesting.

It's days like these last few that I have to hold on to these glimmers. I have to beleive that God is teaching me something at my current position. Without the perspective on reality, the stress really gets to me.