return to that which kills

You know how there are certain things in life that bring you a level of satisfaction? I'm talking about volunteering, caring, dedicating, giving, helping, supporting, protecting, nursing, and loving. Each of these things help us feel alive -- not necessarily at the time of doing them, but afterwards, when we realize what we've done. (Let's call these activities Category 1)

Then there are certain things that refresh us: laughing, hugging, kissing, sleeping, smiling, resting, relaxing, dreaming, and eating. These activities feel good while doing them and give us relief from the labor we do with our bodies and souls. (Let's call all these Category 2)

Lastly, there is a third category that is mostly destructive: lusting, abusing, lying, cheating, killing, mocking, and hoarding. (Category 3)

It seems that to have a satisfactory life, there needs to be a balance of activities in Category 1 and 2. If I could spend my time doing just these things, I'd be very happy and productive
for myself and my community. I know this to be true both from what I have experienced and read in the Bible. Yet my life is far from true happiness and productivity. It's like my instincts don't trust that Category 1 and 2 will satisfy me. There are times when I get lonely or frustrated or depressed. So I turn to the activities that embody getting what I want now on my own efforts. (As in, "I'm tired of always getting blamed for mistakes at my office. Next time someone asks me what went wrong, I'm going to blame someone else.") At times like these, I'd rather lie then take the consequences of making a mistake.

Category 3 slowly kills you and me. These acts are in direct contrast to how our souls were meant to be expressed. And category 3 is the worst kind of death because you'll never know it's killing you until it's too late. These selfish acts scrape against the grain of our souls. We know when we've done something wrong but sometimes we've justified the act because it gives us instant pleasure or satisfaction. There are times when I know what I'm about to do is wrong. But I often blow through the knowledge I've gained in favor of instant gratification. These acts feel great at the time... the highs are high and satisfaction soars. But as soon as you have time to reflect you know something went wrong. Often you can't identify what it was... just that you feel a little guilty or bad. That feeling is our soul as it grieves a small part of itself dying. We get so used to the feeling that we don't give it much thought. Our soul is spiritual, not physical -- we can get by and feel normal even as small parts of our souls die.

Our soul does not scream for itself when injured. It knows it can be healed quickly if only it could be part of something BIG -- something when souls connect thru eyes and hearts and touch. It quietly waits for healing as new wounds appear and old ones scab. Your soul will not tell you it is dying. You will get to the end of your life and realize acts from my so-called "Category 3" littered your LIFE. Life is the expression of soul. What type of life will you live with a dying soul never given a chance to heal?

God knows we need healing. God knows our souls are dying and our lives wasted. God knows the first thing our souls need to start healing is hope. God gives us hope by forgiving us for (by and large) misusing our lives and damaging our souls that HE GAVE us. Our souls were meant to be spent (lived) in the realm of Categories 1 and 2. Can we stop returning to that which kills us? Can we return instead to that which satisfies and sustains us? Can we return enough that our souls can start to heal?

Hope so

-C