Thought 3

Does God want me to go to LA?

I don't know. If He wants me to go, then I'm just His pawn doing exactly what He wants. Or, I'm in direct disobedience by moving my life in this direction if He doesn't want me to go.
Tonight, Jeff brought up a little slogan that I'm not sure I buy at all, but it's worth digging into:
Master
Mate
Mission
The basic of this is to lay out a guideline for priorities in life. Master is God, then my wife (or future wife), and then my line of work. "Follow mate above mission because God can change your mission." I think this slogan or catch phrase kind of falls apart though when I try to apply it to my life. Ok, so I'm doing my mission by going to LA and finding a job in the film industry. Then I essentially break up with my girlfriend by moving to a different city. I'm putting mission above mate. What about all our conversations in May about her possibly wanting to be single, all my dealings with trying to make her feel pursued, all our lack of face time?
Jeff also said this: "It's a lot easier to steer when the ship is moving."
I'm obviously moving right now. I guess I'm just not sure that God wants me to go to LA. I think I'm sure, but there has been doubt raised in my mind.
As hard as it may be, I want to have open hands and an open heart as I come before God with this.

Back to what I said earlier, I don't think I'm God's pawn. I also don't think that God doesn't care about the situation at all. He knows me and knows what's best for me. Right now am I following my own ambitions, or something God knows is good for me?
Again, I hope and pray that my hands are open, and that I will listen.
I want to make my hand open, and my heart open. I want to let go of the promises I've made already and just come before God (this Wonderful, Awesome, Unfathomable being who is so much more than I understand right now, who knows me perfectly right now, and may or may not know what's going to happen to me in the next few weeks.) I trust Him and I love that I can.
Guide me, give me affirmation, and I will follow with all my heart, Lord.
Psalm 37:23-24
The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
No, it's not every step that I take, God is like, "Oh, look at that, I'm going to bless him."
He's not that impersonal or ammused by me.
It's quite the opposite: I say, "Wow, it looks like God is moving there, I want to be a part of that." Yet, at the same time, He knows me perfectly. I don't really know what that means. I just don't want to get too big on myself here... God is so big and is doing so much everywhere, including in my life, that I can't reasonably say, "God, like, where should I go and stuff?" I think God says, "I am here. I am doing this."

I don't want to fall headlong in LA if I go. I want the Lord to be guiding me. To do that, I need to actually give this up and test it and pray about it. The boat is moving, now it's time to make sure it's being steered in the right direction.