The Road

We can wish that everything was easy, counting all the ways that life's not fair.
Or say, "I'm not going down that easy. I'm not gonna' fall cause you're not here."

Through the wonder that is facebook.com, I've been contacted by several old classmates from high school and even as far back a elementary school. The most recent facebook reunion revealed that a guy from my grade school is now married. That got me thinking of a few things:

*a lot of my friends are currently married or planning on getting married.
Including my sister, who's been married now for almost 2 years, Four of my closest high school friends are married or engaged. That's four of seven.

*there was a time when (realistically or not) I thought marriage was in my near future
No regrets or ashamed feelings here, but it's interesting that the phase came and went without me ever realizing it.

*i miss being home
Maybe this is a Wonder Years moment, but I miss something about home -- whether it's the idealist world of being a kid (with no real worries) or the alluring scent of an easier life in a familiar setting (where every day ensures contact with numerous people who know me and love me).

I have nothing against my friends and my sister getting married. What makes me feel insecure is when I see them setting up their lives very close to their family. My good friend from high school live close enough that his entire family came to his recent house warming party. My though: How nice would it be to own a house and have all my family over to celebrate?

So that brings me to the song lyric from above -- from Juliana Theory called "We Make the Road by Walking".

We can wish that everything was easy, counting all the ways that life's not fair.
Or say, "I'm not going down that easy. I'm not gonna' fall cause you're not here."

I often find myself wishing everything were easy. I want to complain about how things aren't fair; about how I'd be happier if i didn't have student loan payments and pay Los Angeles rent and have bad eyes and a lemon car.
"I didn't have any of these problems back home", says the voice in my head. The voice continues to point out my lovely family and how they all love me and would spoil me if I were within close proximity.

So there are two parts of my internal struggle. 1. Things were better at home. 2. My family loves me (and would therefor make my life much easier if i lived close).

It's a tempting argument, but as the song affirms, I'm not going to give up on this road I'm making. In a battle cry of sorts, I'm not going down just because 'home'* isn't here with me.

*home being that longing for an easier life

Now, I don't really know where my road is going or if I'm doing a great job of making it. But without a shadow of a doubt, I can see God providing for the road so far. The voice may call me to go home but that's just because it's scared of where I'm going.