I met a girl named Abi. She's 28 and starting a five year graduate school program at Wheaton. She's going to be a psychologist. I also met a guy named Norm. He's 52 and has been working with video since before I was born. Norm's been a pastor, video editor and a systems analyst for University of Nebraska - Lincoln. They were pretty much my older sister and brother for the last two weeks. I had some good times with them as we volunteered for the Media Team at the National Youth Gathering (for the Lutheran Church) in Orlando, Florida. One night, we all went out for some drinks at the hotel bar. We sat and talked and laughed for almost five hours.
I told Abi that it seems that I may have missed the 'boat' when I didn't land a wife in college. We talked about how hard it is to meet people on your own time. She said this to me:
"Collin, that's not your path. Look at Todd and Kelly --- both just graduated college; Todd's going to seminary; Kelly is teaching first grade: They are so.... (she gestures with her hands)... perfect and normal. That's not your path. God has a different idea in mind for you."
Abi is probably the coolest girl I've met in a while. Back in June when I first met her, she was rather intimidating. Her personality is strong and she has quick wit. I think she thought of me as more an adult than a college kid. I like that.
Norm was my roommate for the 9 days I stayed in Orlando. Norm is married with a 13 year-old son. He is meticulous in all his work -- probably to the detriment of a deadline driven 'bottom line'. We'd talk every night before we went to sleep. It was cool t hear about his life... a lot of it was personal stuff that I don't want to share. But I felt very normal and comfortable around Norm and he gave me lots of respect b/c of my background in video and my career field.
Both Norm and Abi made the 9 days bearable. Without them... it would have been tough.
I wasn't getting paid but there were tight deadlines and long hours. On average, I went to bed at 2am and got up at 8:30. I'd break for dinner for an hour -- but that was my only break. But I learned lots of positive things thru my experience:
1. I can stay in a room and edit all day for several days in a row and do nothing but work. Before the Gathering, I didn't know if I 'had it in me'.
2. A hierarchy is important to getting things done. Without it, there is an uneven workload and time is wasted.
3. I actually felt comfortable editing -- like I knew what I was doing. I also lacked that confidence going into the Gathering. For each project I worked on, I had a method and reason to all my work. I completed the work in a short amount of time and it was quality. That gives me confidence that I am doing something right.
I'd consider working for the Gathering again -- I'd be much more inclined to do it if there were some sort of pay involved. Under usual circumstances I could not afford to take 7 work days off in a row. However, the people I've met made an impact on my life and if the Gathering is the only way I can be with them again -- I may not require compensation.
------------------------------------
The other side of the 2 Weeks is my employment status. In two more weeks, I'll be officually unemployed.
Josh ' "There is no reason that in two weeks you can't have the job you want."
That's encouraging. But just as when I waited for a job last September, I can't help but be a little anxious. i sent my resume to a Post House in Santa Monica that was looking for an assistant editor/editor type. it paid $20/hour and they claim to work on indie films. That job would be sweet. And there is also the possibility of a Post PA job on a feature film thru Josh's connection with the Will Ferrel/Adam McKay editing crew. Here is how that stuff breaks down:
Post PA (non guild) $650/week
Post PA / Apprentice (guild member) $1,050/week
Assistant Editor (guild member) $2,000/week
(all salaries are minimum payment)
Josh seems to think I can do it -- please pray he is right.
I may be able to join a crew as a Post PA and then after that job move in to an apprenticeship. Or some other job could come into play. It should be pretty exciting in the mean time.
\
-C
Monday, August 06, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Highlander Highs
So much learned! I spent a weekend up in the mountains with 27 guys... well, 270 guys, but I really got to know about 27. We participated in events under the tribe name 'Wallace'. We weren't the most athletic collection of guys nor the smartest. I loved them all more because of that. We suffered a lot of losing -- more than any other tribe. Out of 15 events, we scored 44 points which is rather low considering ranking 1st in any of the 15 events gave your tribe 12 points.
1st - 12 points.
2nd -- 9.
3rd -- 6.
4th -- 5.
5th -- 4.
6th -- 3.
7th -- 2.
8th -- 1.
9th or 10th -- 0.
I participated in both ping pong and ultimate frisbee. I had a terrible cold the whole weekend and, as was everyone else, had to adjust to the high altitude. We ended up taking 1st place in ultimate frisbee against really tough competition. Every team was made of big, buff football player types. One teammate commented to me that every time he looked over, "i was getting pummeled into the ground." His statement was accurate although I didn't sustain any long term injuries from my collisions. I did attain glory forever by being part of a team of underachievers who battled and played their guts out to beat some great teams.
Game 1: 7-2 (6 minutes to get to 7 points)
Game 2: 7-6 (30 minutes to get to 7 points -- after being down 5-3 after 20 minutes)
Game 3: 7-5 (30 minutes with our only sub cramping up at the 25 minute mark)
It was such an honor because we knew we were good, but on paper we didn't stack up at all. After one of my collisions that literally knocked the snot out of my nose, I laid on the ground after I stopped rolling. The opposing teammate that collided with me was apparently ok because he sarcastically told me to 'get up' -- I wondered if he noticed the temporary bruise I left on his bicep.
We just kept making crisp passes and playing a fundamental game. The guys fought really hard and brought some pride back to the Wallace tribe that also managed to place 2nd in an event called 'Amazing Race'. But the most uplifting time came later that Saturday night during some small group discussion time.
David Arcos challenged us to live lives where we give as much to every day activities as we gave to the games we played that day. He said those words, and i literally thought to myself, "I'd die if I gave that much on a constant basis." I tried to dismiss his notion. We broke up into small groups and David and I ended up in the same group. A thought came to mind during this moment of transition -- I think it was from God: Those who seek to keep their life will lose it. Those who seek to give their lives will find it. That's close to being a direct scripture quote -- and I've never memorized that before -- but somehow it was suddenly in my head. I shared it with David and he agreed it was a related thought. I kinda thought about it more as we started our discussion.
I know that there are so many things I don't give my all to -- well, I haven't given my all to much at all recently -- maybe the frisbee game came close to getting most of my all. What would it look like if I put all my energy toward the documentary I'm working on? What would it look like if I gave my all to whatever I was doing at the time? I bet it would look a lot different than it does now and I bet I'd feel a lot better about what I was doing. As with the frisbee team, I was glad we won b/c we were rewarded for our effort. but I would have been just as glad to be on that team had we lost. I gave a lot and so did the other guys -- we honored each other.
David asked me why I moved to Los Angeles. I told him the long and incredible story of how I started in Istanbul, Turkey drove thru Utah and ended up in a free house for 5 months. I told him I wanted to be an editor. I told him that I felt there was something for me in Los Angeles that I couldn't get anywhere else in the world -- perhaps it was the film industry, but I was also open to it being a relational type thing were I'll get to have an impact on some one's life here -- an impact that is going to set off lots of other impacts. (I also added in the whole relational thing because I was talking to a church worker (David) and a church volunteer (Adam), so I didn't want to sound, you know, too centered on myself or anything. In truth, I'm not more focused on one or the other... but I wanted to cover my trails).
David said, "If you're going to be an editor, you have to be great. You'll be in positions that nobody else will be able to be in -- you'll be the only reflection of God in that place. Be a great editor, Collin." I liked how he tied in the relational and the work aspect of it. I was motivated to be great. Then he added some more.
"I was reading Matthew the other day and I came to a point that kind of jarred me. I was literally getting ready to feed my baby when I read this and just paused in thought.
Matthew 11:12 -- "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." I was thinking to myself, 'What is a violent man in this context?' And this whole time my baby is in the high chair crying because I'm not feeding him. I go back into thought... 'What is it to violently take the kingdom of heaven by force?' I look up, and my son is pounding his fists on the high chair, screaming, kicking, crying for food. He was to the point of violence -- so eager in anticipation of being fed. The men who tap into the kingdom of heaven do so in violent anticipation of joining with God in his mission. Be a great and violent man in anticipation of joining God's mission."
This really stuck with me. In looking up the verse in a different translation, it reads like this:
NIV
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Thank you, Highlander. Thank you David Arcos. Thank you God for sharing with me.
-C
1st - 12 points.
2nd -- 9.
3rd -- 6.
4th -- 5.
5th -- 4.
6th -- 3.
7th -- 2.
8th -- 1.
9th or 10th -- 0.
I participated in both ping pong and ultimate frisbee. I had a terrible cold the whole weekend and, as was everyone else, had to adjust to the high altitude. We ended up taking 1st place in ultimate frisbee against really tough competition. Every team was made of big, buff football player types. One teammate commented to me that every time he looked over, "i was getting pummeled into the ground." His statement was accurate although I didn't sustain any long term injuries from my collisions. I did attain glory forever by being part of a team of underachievers who battled and played their guts out to beat some great teams.
Game 1: 7-2 (6 minutes to get to 7 points)
Game 2: 7-6 (30 minutes to get to 7 points -- after being down 5-3 after 20 minutes)
Game 3: 7-5 (30 minutes with our only sub cramping up at the 25 minute mark)
It was such an honor because we knew we were good, but on paper we didn't stack up at all. After one of my collisions that literally knocked the snot out of my nose, I laid on the ground after I stopped rolling. The opposing teammate that collided with me was apparently ok because he sarcastically told me to 'get up' -- I wondered if he noticed the temporary bruise I left on his bicep.
We just kept making crisp passes and playing a fundamental game. The guys fought really hard and brought some pride back to the Wallace tribe that also managed to place 2nd in an event called 'Amazing Race'. But the most uplifting time came later that Saturday night during some small group discussion time.
David Arcos challenged us to live lives where we give as much to every day activities as we gave to the games we played that day. He said those words, and i literally thought to myself, "I'd die if I gave that much on a constant basis." I tried to dismiss his notion. We broke up into small groups and David and I ended up in the same group. A thought came to mind during this moment of transition -- I think it was from God: Those who seek to keep their life will lose it. Those who seek to give their lives will find it. That's close to being a direct scripture quote -- and I've never memorized that before -- but somehow it was suddenly in my head. I shared it with David and he agreed it was a related thought. I kinda thought about it more as we started our discussion.
I know that there are so many things I don't give my all to -- well, I haven't given my all to much at all recently -- maybe the frisbee game came close to getting most of my all. What would it look like if I put all my energy toward the documentary I'm working on? What would it look like if I gave my all to whatever I was doing at the time? I bet it would look a lot different than it does now and I bet I'd feel a lot better about what I was doing. As with the frisbee team, I was glad we won b/c we were rewarded for our effort. but I would have been just as glad to be on that team had we lost. I gave a lot and so did the other guys -- we honored each other.
David asked me why I moved to Los Angeles. I told him the long and incredible story of how I started in Istanbul, Turkey drove thru Utah and ended up in a free house for 5 months. I told him I wanted to be an editor. I told him that I felt there was something for me in Los Angeles that I couldn't get anywhere else in the world -- perhaps it was the film industry, but I was also open to it being a relational type thing were I'll get to have an impact on some one's life here -- an impact that is going to set off lots of other impacts. (I also added in the whole relational thing because I was talking to a church worker (David) and a church volunteer (Adam), so I didn't want to sound, you know, too centered on myself or anything. In truth, I'm not more focused on one or the other... but I wanted to cover my trails).
David said, "If you're going to be an editor, you have to be great. You'll be in positions that nobody else will be able to be in -- you'll be the only reflection of God in that place. Be a great editor, Collin." I liked how he tied in the relational and the work aspect of it. I was motivated to be great. Then he added some more.
"I was reading Matthew the other day and I came to a point that kind of jarred me. I was literally getting ready to feed my baby when I read this and just paused in thought.
Matthew 11:12 -- "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." I was thinking to myself, 'What is a violent man in this context?' And this whole time my baby is in the high chair crying because I'm not feeding him. I go back into thought... 'What is it to violently take the kingdom of heaven by force?' I look up, and my son is pounding his fists on the high chair, screaming, kicking, crying for food. He was to the point of violence -- so eager in anticipation of being fed. The men who tap into the kingdom of heaven do so in violent anticipation of joining with God in his mission. Be a great and violent man in anticipation of joining God's mission."
This really stuck with me. In looking up the verse in a different translation, it reads like this:
NIV
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Amplified
And from the days of John the Baptist until the present time, the kingdom of heaven has endured violent assault, and violent men seize it by force [as a precious prize--a share in the heavenly kingdom is sought with most ardent zeal and intense exertion].
I think of it this way: Be forceful in seeking to join God's great mission on earth -- (which is) Jesus came not to condemn, but that the world might be saved (John 3:17).
Thank you, Highlander. Thank you David Arcos. Thank you God for sharing with me.
-C
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A Doc and Mystery
Editing a documentary is pretty much what I expected it to be. Josh and I just built a 8 minute preview piece that includes two full stories and little tidbits from the supporting cast. This piece is going to a graphics house first to get some better titles and motion graphics, then it will be going to a possible buyer on Wednesday or Thursday. This 'buyer' is associated with Jerry Weintrab (the producer of the 'Oceans' movies).
Hopes are that he will either buy the doc himself (that would be nice) or he'll take it around Hollywood and get it sold to another studio/distribution company. Worst case scenario is he doesn't do either one of those options but instead says he will conditionally buy/sell it based on what he thinks of the final cut of the feature. This is worst case (but not a bad option, either) because that would force our current group of producers to be even more in a rush to get the doc done.
Josh and I have already agreed to get it done by August 10th. Tapes were done digitizing just 2 weeks ago -- meaning that the entire feature needs to be turned around in just 2 months. This is no small feat -- especially for a documentary where there isn't a script (yet). I'm confident we'll get it done in the alloted time, but a normal doc would be given 3-6 months to assemble and another 2-3 months to finish (including color correction, sound mix, graphics, printing to final format).
Anyways, we'll know more about the destiny of this film in a couple of weeks when Weintrab's guy gets back to our producers. Look for the film on cable TV or theaters between September and the Superbowl (that's my prediction).
On a different note, I spoke with Sonja a couple of nights ago. I'm glad we got to talk. (Sonja and I dated from Summer '02 - Summer '06). Some interesting things came up in the conversation: She asked me about last August when I left for LA -- which forced me to think about it a little bit.
I was soooo ready to get out of Dodge last summer that I left in a reckless manner. I was not running from people or places but from expectations and plans. Up until Turkey, I didn't have any mystery in my life -- everything was more or less expected and thought out. Dan Piippo opened up my mind to mystery and the 'unknown' and suddenly moving to Los Angeles was an adventure I had to take. I wasn't moving b/c I was following my dreams or because I was courageous (although the journey would coincidentally include both my dreams and courage). I was moving out of the expected into mystery (physically and spiritually as it were -- spiritually b/c my view of God changed more to thinking of God as wonderful and mysterious as opposed to "I know God personally and He has a wonderful plan for my life"). When Sonja and others wished me well on my journey (or tried to), I was much more excited about my lack of expectations than anything (would I be well as everyone wished?... I didn't know and that was glorious!).
Sonja and I talked about our feelings for each other as well. Without being gushy, I still like Sonja and would like a chance to date her in a non-long-distance setting. She feels the same way, which is way cool. The only problem: She just completed year 1 (of 3) of graduate school in Chicago. I don't know what's going to happen, obviously, but best case is that she moves out here to finish graduate school or after she's done with school in Chicago. Other-case scenario is she never moves out here and nothing happens with us.
A life of mystery has it's perks.
-Peace Out.
Hopes are that he will either buy the doc himself (that would be nice) or he'll take it around Hollywood and get it sold to another studio/distribution company. Worst case scenario is he doesn't do either one of those options but instead says he will conditionally buy/sell it based on what he thinks of the final cut of the feature. This is worst case (but not a bad option, either) because that would force our current group of producers to be even more in a rush to get the doc done.
Josh and I have already agreed to get it done by August 10th. Tapes were done digitizing just 2 weeks ago -- meaning that the entire feature needs to be turned around in just 2 months. This is no small feat -- especially for a documentary where there isn't a script (yet). I'm confident we'll get it done in the alloted time, but a normal doc would be given 3-6 months to assemble and another 2-3 months to finish (including color correction, sound mix, graphics, printing to final format).
Anyways, we'll know more about the destiny of this film in a couple of weeks when Weintrab's guy gets back to our producers. Look for the film on cable TV or theaters between September and the Superbowl (that's my prediction).
On a different note, I spoke with Sonja a couple of nights ago. I'm glad we got to talk. (Sonja and I dated from Summer '02 - Summer '06). Some interesting things came up in the conversation: She asked me about last August when I left for LA -- which forced me to think about it a little bit.
I was soooo ready to get out of Dodge last summer that I left in a reckless manner. I was not running from people or places but from expectations and plans. Up until Turkey, I didn't have any mystery in my life -- everything was more or less expected and thought out. Dan Piippo opened up my mind to mystery and the 'unknown' and suddenly moving to Los Angeles was an adventure I had to take. I wasn't moving b/c I was following my dreams or because I was courageous (although the journey would coincidentally include both my dreams and courage). I was moving out of the expected into mystery (physically and spiritually as it were -- spiritually b/c my view of God changed more to thinking of God as wonderful and mysterious as opposed to "I know God personally and He has a wonderful plan for my life"). When Sonja and others wished me well on my journey (or tried to), I was much more excited about my lack of expectations than anything (would I be well as everyone wished?... I didn't know and that was glorious!).
Sonja and I talked about our feelings for each other as well. Without being gushy, I still like Sonja and would like a chance to date her in a non-long-distance setting. She feels the same way, which is way cool. The only problem: She just completed year 1 (of 3) of graduate school in Chicago. I don't know what's going to happen, obviously, but best case is that she moves out here to finish graduate school or after she's done with school in Chicago. Other-case scenario is she never moves out here and nothing happens with us.
A life of mystery has it's perks.
-Peace Out.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Do you ever have an injury that won't heal? My ankle has been bummin' for the past month or so and it doesn't seem to be fully healing. Just when it starts to feel good I tweak it again and I move backwards a couple of days in the healing process. It's like, 'Yeah, it hurts, but it doesn't hurt enough to go to the doctor, and it doesn't feel good enough to be able to do normal activities'. I think it's slowly getting better but I'm getting a little impatient.
There are some things in my life right now that seem to mirror my obvious physical defect: I just quit my job and left behind some really great people. It sucks to even think about them because I get sad. I mean, I'm not going to cry over it but it's not something I want to think about all the time either. The point is it kinda hurts. I spent 40-55 hours a week with those people for the past 9 months...
But just as with my ankle, life keeps on moving. I don't really have time to stop and think about how much I'll miss the Flyer gang. There may be times every once in a while where I tweak a memory of Flyer and it brings back pain. But I know that I will slowly heal and adjust.
Sometimes I wonder, though...
Would my ankle heal faster if I didn't walk on it for a week? What if I got crutches and made a dedicated effort to not use it for one week? I bet it would heal fast! Of course, I'm too proud to go to the doctor and get crutches. Maybe more important than my ankle is my heart and soul: What if I took a day and just really appreciated the people I'll be missing at Flyer. I could send them each cards and 'thank you' notes for all the help they've given me. I'm sure that would give me a much greater sense of closure and confidence as I move forward. And just as with my ankle, I would heal and move on much faster if I'd let the pain take me off my feet.
I think life is moving , though. Right now I don't have time to take a week off my feet or a day to write cards to people at Flyer. I'm moving in a positive direction for my career and that's great. I hope there's time in the future where I can appreciate everyone I've met and take some time off my feet to let old injuries heal. Where's the balance?
-C
There are some things in my life right now that seem to mirror my obvious physical defect: I just quit my job and left behind some really great people. It sucks to even think about them because I get sad. I mean, I'm not going to cry over it but it's not something I want to think about all the time either. The point is it kinda hurts. I spent 40-55 hours a week with those people for the past 9 months...
But just as with my ankle, life keeps on moving. I don't really have time to stop and think about how much I'll miss the Flyer gang. There may be times every once in a while where I tweak a memory of Flyer and it brings back pain. But I know that I will slowly heal and adjust.
Sometimes I wonder, though...
Would my ankle heal faster if I didn't walk on it for a week? What if I got crutches and made a dedicated effort to not use it for one week? I bet it would heal fast! Of course, I'm too proud to go to the doctor and get crutches. Maybe more important than my ankle is my heart and soul: What if I took a day and just really appreciated the people I'll be missing at Flyer. I could send them each cards and 'thank you' notes for all the help they've given me. I'm sure that would give me a much greater sense of closure and confidence as I move forward. And just as with my ankle, I would heal and move on much faster if I'd let the pain take me off my feet.
I think life is moving , though. Right now I don't have time to take a week off my feet or a day to write cards to people at Flyer. I'm moving in a positive direction for my career and that's great. I hope there's time in the future where I can appreciate everyone I've met and take some time off my feet to let old injuries heal. Where's the balance?
-C
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
ambiguous truth
"the truth is..."
"i believe..."
In reading about the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, I was reminded of something I believe (maybe some people would say, "I was reminded of a truth."): The truth is really ambiguous these days! You may recall that Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium 210 several months ago in the UK. At first, officials didn't know what was wrong with the man -- they soon discovered he came into contact with lethal doses of the radioactive element. Many other people in and around London also came into contact with the element; thankfully nobody else suffered the horrendous death Litvinenko suffered. UK officials were able to discover 'a trail of radiation' through London and have since charged a Russian man with murder (although Russia will not extradite him).
Here are Litvinenko's (husband and father of a 12 year old son) last words:
"May God forgive you for what you have done, not only to me, but to beloved Russia and its people." (Speaking to Russian President Putin)
The man who is accused of this incomprehensible murder denies any involvement! And I quote:
"I did not kill Litvinenko, have nothing to do with his death and can prove (it) with facts(.) (I have) my distrust of the so-called evidence collected by Britain's justice system." (parentheses added, obviously something didn't translate correctly between Russian and English)
A whole country (UK) investigated this crime and through 'facts' and 'evidence' have accused a man. The accused claims he can refute evidence collect by Britain with facts of his own.
In other words, Britain has a set of facts that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, prove a certain man killed Litvinenko. This certain man has his own set of facts that he feels proves his lack of involvement.
POINT:
Who is telling the truth? Both have facts and evidence on their side.
I think it comes down to what you believe. Do you believe the accused killed Litvinenko? Do you believe the accused is innocent? I tend to side with Britain, our allies, on the matter -- but that has nothing to do with facts -- just beliefs. Would I feel the same way if I was Russian and didn't view Britain as an ally?
To expand, I know of several people who have been sentenced to punishment for crimes they did not commit. We have all heard of men accused of rape and sentenced to prison time accordingly, who are later cleared due to DNA evidence. I imagine in their trials, they had evidence and facts to prove their innocence -- as did the prosecution to prove otherwise. It came down to what the jury believed. Question: Who had the 'more convincing facts'? Should facts have to be convincing?
The BIGGER QUESTION: Is it bad to base beliefs on facts?
Follow-up: Is the answer as black and white as 'yes' or 'no'?
-------------------------------------------------------
Just for my own sake, I'm going to expand on this a bit:
If i were to answer 'yes', as in , "Yes, it is bad to base beliefs on facts", what would I, then, say beliefs should be based on? Emotions? Intuition? Popular Opinion?
If I were to answer 'no', as in, "No, it is not bad to base beliefs on facts", how do I account for facts that can prove people both innocent and guilty of crimes? It seems if you have a belief, you can find facts to support it.
I still believe that beliefs are important to have. I'm confused, however, on how to support my beliefs when they are questioned (ie, encounter beleifs in opposition to my own).
Boo-Ya Ka Sha, Respect and Love
-Collin
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/05/22/uk.spy/index.html
"i believe..."
In reading about the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, I was reminded of something I believe (maybe some people would say, "I was reminded of a truth."): The truth is really ambiguous these days! You may recall that Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium 210 several months ago in the UK. At first, officials didn't know what was wrong with the man -- they soon discovered he came into contact with lethal doses of the radioactive element. Many other people in and around London also came into contact with the element; thankfully nobody else suffered the horrendous death Litvinenko suffered. UK officials were able to discover 'a trail of radiation' through London and have since charged a Russian man with murder (although Russia will not extradite him).
Here are Litvinenko's (husband and father of a 12 year old son) last words:
"May God forgive you for what you have done, not only to me, but to beloved Russia and its people." (Speaking to Russian President Putin)
The man who is accused of this incomprehensible murder denies any involvement! And I quote:
"I did not kill Litvinenko, have nothing to do with his death and can prove (it) with facts(.) (I have) my distrust of the so-called evidence collected by Britain's justice system." (parentheses added, obviously something didn't translate correctly between Russian and English)
A whole country (UK) investigated this crime and through 'facts' and 'evidence' have accused a man. The accused claims he can refute evidence collect by Britain with facts of his own.
In other words, Britain has a set of facts that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, prove a certain man killed Litvinenko. This certain man has his own set of facts that he feels proves his lack of involvement.
POINT:
Who is telling the truth? Both have facts and evidence on their side.
I think it comes down to what you believe. Do you believe the accused killed Litvinenko? Do you believe the accused is innocent? I tend to side with Britain, our allies, on the matter -- but that has nothing to do with facts -- just beliefs. Would I feel the same way if I was Russian and didn't view Britain as an ally?
To expand, I know of several people who have been sentenced to punishment for crimes they did not commit. We have all heard of men accused of rape and sentenced to prison time accordingly, who are later cleared due to DNA evidence. I imagine in their trials, they had evidence and facts to prove their innocence -- as did the prosecution to prove otherwise. It came down to what the jury believed. Question: Who had the 'more convincing facts'? Should facts have to be convincing?
The BIGGER QUESTION: Is it bad to base beliefs on facts?
Follow-up: Is the answer as black and white as 'yes' or 'no'?
-------------------------------------------------------
Just for my own sake, I'm going to expand on this a bit:
If i were to answer 'yes', as in , "Yes, it is bad to base beliefs on facts", what would I, then, say beliefs should be based on? Emotions? Intuition? Popular Opinion?
If I were to answer 'no', as in, "No, it is not bad to base beliefs on facts", how do I account for facts that can prove people both innocent and guilty of crimes? It seems if you have a belief, you can find facts to support it.
I still believe that beliefs are important to have. I'm confused, however, on how to support my beliefs when they are questioned (ie, encounter beleifs in opposition to my own).
Boo-Ya Ka Sha, Respect and Love
-Collin
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/05/22/uk.spy/index.html
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Season Anew
A new season beckons inside
or
Opportunity allures me
I pray all the good inside of me can be expressed through work; my work. I pray I would stop running from rejection and failure; face it. I pray for the end of pushing away and the beginning of welcoming in. Indeed, giving rather than receiving.
For those in my life, my realm, who are on the verge of a new season: May God bless your transition -- may you bless God with smiles of both mouth and soul. You have never been alone. Hope does not disappoint.
God Bless You
-C
or
Opportunity allures me
I pray all the good inside of me can be expressed through work; my work. I pray I would stop running from rejection and failure; face it. I pray for the end of pushing away and the beginning of welcoming in. Indeed, giving rather than receiving.
For those in my life, my realm, who are on the verge of a new season: May God bless your transition -- may you bless God with smiles of both mouth and soul. You have never been alone. Hope does not disappoint.
God Bless You
-C
Sunday, April 22, 2007
return to that which kills
You know how there are certain things in life that bring you a level of satisfaction? I'm talking about volunteering, caring, dedicating, giving, helping, supporting, protecting, nursing, and loving. Each of these things help us feel alive -- not necessarily at the time of doing them, but afterwards, when we realize what we've done. (Let's call these activities Category 1)
Then there are certain things that refresh us: laughing, hugging, kissing, sleeping, smiling, resting, relaxing, dreaming, and eating. These activities feel good while doing them and give us relief from the labor we do with our bodies and souls. (Let's call all these Category 2)
Lastly, there is a third category that is mostly destructive: lusting, abusing, lying, cheating, killing, mocking, and hoarding. (Category 3)
It seems that to have a satisfactory life, there needs to be a balance of activities in Category 1 and 2. If I could spend my time doing just these things, I'd be very happy and productive
for myself and my community. I know this to be true both from what I have experienced and read in the Bible. Yet my life is far from true happiness and productivity. It's like my instincts don't trust that Category 1 and 2 will satisfy me. There are times when I get lonely or frustrated or depressed. So I turn to the activities that embody getting what I want now on my own efforts. (As in, "I'm tired of always getting blamed for mistakes at my office. Next time someone asks me what went wrong, I'm going to blame someone else.") At times like these, I'd rather lie then take the consequences of making a mistake.
Category 3 slowly kills you and me. These acts are in direct contrast to how our souls were meant to be expressed. And category 3 is the worst kind of death because you'll never know it's killing you until it's too late. These selfish acts scrape against the grain of our souls. We know when we've done something wrong but sometimes we've justified the act because it gives us instant pleasure or satisfaction. There are times when I know what I'm about to do is wrong. But I often blow through the knowledge I've gained in favor of instant gratification. These acts feel great at the time... the highs are high and satisfaction soars. But as soon as you have time to reflect you know something went wrong. Often you can't identify what it was... just that you feel a little guilty or bad. That feeling is our soul as it grieves a small part of itself dying. We get so used to the feeling that we don't give it much thought. Our soul is spiritual, not physical -- we can get by and feel normal even as small parts of our souls die.
Our soul does not scream for itself when injured. It knows it can be healed quickly if only it could be part of something BIG -- something when souls connect thru eyes and hearts and touch. It quietly waits for healing as new wounds appear and old ones scab. Your soul will not tell you it is dying. You will get to the end of your life and realize acts from my so-called "Category 3" littered your LIFE. Life is the expression of soul. What type of life will you live with a dying soul never given a chance to heal?
God knows we need healing. God knows our souls are dying and our lives wasted. God knows the first thing our souls need to start healing is hope. God gives us hope by forgiving us for (by and large) misusing our lives and damaging our souls that HE GAVE us. Our souls were meant to be spent (lived) in the realm of Categories 1 and 2. Can we stop returning to that which kills us? Can we return instead to that which satisfies and sustains us? Can we return enough that our souls can start to heal?
Hope so
-C
Then there are certain things that refresh us: laughing, hugging, kissing, sleeping, smiling, resting, relaxing, dreaming, and eating. These activities feel good while doing them and give us relief from the labor we do with our bodies and souls. (Let's call all these Category 2)
Lastly, there is a third category that is mostly destructive: lusting, abusing, lying, cheating, killing, mocking, and hoarding. (Category 3)
It seems that to have a satisfactory life, there needs to be a balance of activities in Category 1 and 2. If I could spend my time doing just these things, I'd be very happy and productive
for myself and my community. I know this to be true both from what I have experienced and read in the Bible. Yet my life is far from true happiness and productivity. It's like my instincts don't trust that Category 1 and 2 will satisfy me. There are times when I get lonely or frustrated or depressed. So I turn to the activities that embody getting what I want now on my own efforts. (As in, "I'm tired of always getting blamed for mistakes at my office. Next time someone asks me what went wrong, I'm going to blame someone else.") At times like these, I'd rather lie then take the consequences of making a mistake.
Category 3 slowly kills you and me. These acts are in direct contrast to how our souls were meant to be expressed. And category 3 is the worst kind of death because you'll never know it's killing you until it's too late. These selfish acts scrape against the grain of our souls. We know when we've done something wrong but sometimes we've justified the act because it gives us instant pleasure or satisfaction. There are times when I know what I'm about to do is wrong. But I often blow through the knowledge I've gained in favor of instant gratification. These acts feel great at the time... the highs are high and satisfaction soars. But as soon as you have time to reflect you know something went wrong. Often you can't identify what it was... just that you feel a little guilty or bad. That feeling is our soul as it grieves a small part of itself dying. We get so used to the feeling that we don't give it much thought. Our soul is spiritual, not physical -- we can get by and feel normal even as small parts of our souls die.
Our soul does not scream for itself when injured. It knows it can be healed quickly if only it could be part of something BIG -- something when souls connect thru eyes and hearts and touch. It quietly waits for healing as new wounds appear and old ones scab. Your soul will not tell you it is dying. You will get to the end of your life and realize acts from my so-called "Category 3" littered your LIFE. Life is the expression of soul. What type of life will you live with a dying soul never given a chance to heal?
God knows we need healing. God knows our souls are dying and our lives wasted. God knows the first thing our souls need to start healing is hope. God gives us hope by forgiving us for (by and large) misusing our lives and damaging our souls that HE GAVE us. Our souls were meant to be spent (lived) in the realm of Categories 1 and 2. Can we stop returning to that which kills us? Can we return instead to that which satisfies and sustains us? Can we return enough that our souls can start to heal?
Hope so
-C
Saturday, April 07, 2007
ending
This is some part of a story that i just wrote to kinda personify how I feel about some things right now... It's a fictional situation where I've betrayed someone... I just felt like writing it down...
----------------------------------------------
I couldn't bear to see the look on his face -- but even more, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart -- knowing that I'd betrayed my best friend. This has happened before and I vowed, I swore, I'd never let it happen again. It wasn't even the look on his face... it was that I could sense his vast disappointment and maybe God's disappointment in me. I wanted to run from it all.
I had a similar experience when I broke my wrist. I was sledding and I couldn't stop in time to avoid going head first into a tree. I got my hands up just in time to brace for the impact... and I remember getting up and just screaming at the top of my lungs -- the pain was unbelievable. I wanted to run so bad -- just run away from the pain. But the pain was inside of me: I couldn't get away.
So I just stood in the parking lot with my best friend. Seconds passed like kidney stones. I finally had to walk away. It was kind of poetic because he just stood there in this beam of light from a street lamp as I vanished into darkness. I turned around to look back a couple of times and he didn't move. What could I say to him?
The next day at school I passed him in the hall. He looked down as we crossed paths. That hurt me the most -- I knew then that he wasn't going to tell anyone. He was going to let me get away with it. If you get busted for doing something wrong, at least you can say you paid the price. But if someone lets you get away with it, you either feel really lucky or really bad. At the time I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop.
-----------------------------------------------------------
-C
----------------------------------------------
I couldn't bear to see the look on his face -- but even more, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart -- knowing that I'd betrayed my best friend. This has happened before and I vowed, I swore, I'd never let it happen again. It wasn't even the look on his face... it was that I could sense his vast disappointment and maybe God's disappointment in me. I wanted to run from it all.
I had a similar experience when I broke my wrist. I was sledding and I couldn't stop in time to avoid going head first into a tree. I got my hands up just in time to brace for the impact... and I remember getting up and just screaming at the top of my lungs -- the pain was unbelievable. I wanted to run so bad -- just run away from the pain. But the pain was inside of me: I couldn't get away.
So I just stood in the parking lot with my best friend. Seconds passed like kidney stones. I finally had to walk away. It was kind of poetic because he just stood there in this beam of light from a street lamp as I vanished into darkness. I turned around to look back a couple of times and he didn't move. What could I say to him?
The next day at school I passed him in the hall. He looked down as we crossed paths. That hurt me the most -- I knew then that he wasn't going to tell anyone. He was going to let me get away with it. If you get busted for doing something wrong, at least you can say you paid the price. But if someone lets you get away with it, you either feel really lucky or really bad. At the time I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop.
-----------------------------------------------------------
-C
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Proximity
Paraphrasing -- (as told by Erwin McManus)
I was walking in the jungles of El Salvador when I was a little kid. I was walking with my brother, Alex, and my aunt and uncle. We didn't get to go out exploring much on our own so this occasion was a real treat. The jungle was full of great mystery and excitement.
One time when I was out with my grandfather, we saw a large iguana crossing the street. My grandfather got out of the car and was going to try and kill the iguana. He said it was a great delicacy. Now see, I'm a beef and chicken kind of guy -- I like 'handsome' meat. This iguana looked like a dragon -- not very appetizing. But my grandfather drew his knife/machete and walked closer to it. When he got too close, the iguana ran off into the jungle. I was rooting for the iguana.
Anyways, on this one occasion with my aunt and uncle we were walking on this road near the jungle. And then suddenly, off in the distance I saw this terrifying monster. His red eyes were staring me down and I just knew he was going to devour me. Have you ever been in a moment where you are truly scared? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, so I was just paralyzed with fear. I literally could not move. Finally, I turned around and looked up to my uncle and managed to reach out to him with both arms. He picked me up and just wrapped his arms around me. Suddenly I felt safe. Looking back on it now, I realize that the monster could have easily just devoured the two of us, but you know, as a little kid, I felt secure and safe.
So, I turned to see my brother, Alex, was still down there. And man, he was paralyzed with fear, too. He turned to my uncle first. He yelled for uncle to pick him up, but he said he was already holding me and he couldn't hold both of us. Then he turned to my aunt. Now you have to understand that my aunt was a really terrific woman -- skinny -- but terrific. But she wasn't very much help in this situation. She leaned over to pick up Alex and tried several times, but she just couldn't pick him up.
So Alex panicked. He started just running off into the jungle: probably the worst thing he could have done. He should have run behind uncle's legs or something... just to get some sort of protection. At the time I loved the fact that he ran -- it diverted the monster away from us and onto Alex.
I think it's kind of like that with God. There are these moments of crisis in our lives -- these moments where we are stricken with fear. And in those moments, it's all about proximity. If you're close to God you will turn to Him and he will save you. But, if you're not close to him, you may run away from the one who wants to save you.
Now, since coming to the states, I've done some research into these monsters... they seem to be called 'basset hounds'... you know, with those enormous ears and beady eyes. I don't' think my brother ever saw the monster... just felt it nipping at his butt... what a sight!
-----------------------------
Just take the story for what it's worth... I love it. He's not saying God only has enough to hold some of us while leaving others out to dry... The point is that if we're close to God then in times of crisis we will turn to him, just as we do during other times in our lives. If we are not close to God, then we will not know where to turn in that moment.
What does 'turn to God' mean? Good question. I don't really know for sure. I think it is a general term that can mean different things to different people. For me, it means to pray to God and admit that I don't have control over a situation, and, in fact, I need to trust that God will deliver me from the bad situation or let me experience it for some greater good, or that I may not know the meaning of the situation for a long time. The praying helps me gain a godly point of view on the situation and therefore, deal with it.
Anyhoo, it was a good church service.
www.mosaic.org - my church website
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Cravings-Erwin-Raphael-McManus/dp/0785214941/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3777313-1651234?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175484120&sr=8-1
-- link to Amazon to get Erwin's book, Soul Cravings. It's pretty cheap... I want to pick it up, too.
Peace
-Collin
-Erwin talking at the Vertas Forum at Columbia University in NY
I was walking in the jungles of El Salvador when I was a little kid. I was walking with my brother, Alex, and my aunt and uncle. We didn't get to go out exploring much on our own so this occasion was a real treat. The jungle was full of great mystery and excitement.
One time when I was out with my grandfather, we saw a large iguana crossing the street. My grandfather got out of the car and was going to try and kill the iguana. He said it was a great delicacy. Now see, I'm a beef and chicken kind of guy -- I like 'handsome' meat. This iguana looked like a dragon -- not very appetizing. But my grandfather drew his knife/machete and walked closer to it. When he got too close, the iguana ran off into the jungle. I was rooting for the iguana.
Anyways, on this one occasion with my aunt and uncle we were walking on this road near the jungle. And then suddenly, off in the distance I saw this terrifying monster. His red eyes were staring me down and I just knew he was going to devour me. Have you ever been in a moment where you are truly scared? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, so I was just paralyzed with fear. I literally could not move. Finally, I turned around and looked up to my uncle and managed to reach out to him with both arms. He picked me up and just wrapped his arms around me. Suddenly I felt safe. Looking back on it now, I realize that the monster could have easily just devoured the two of us, but you know, as a little kid, I felt secure and safe.
So, I turned to see my brother, Alex, was still down there. And man, he was paralyzed with fear, too. He turned to my uncle first. He yelled for uncle to pick him up, but he said he was already holding me and he couldn't hold both of us. Then he turned to my aunt. Now you have to understand that my aunt was a really terrific woman -- skinny -- but terrific. But she wasn't very much help in this situation. She leaned over to pick up Alex and tried several times, but she just couldn't pick him up.
So Alex panicked. He started just running off into the jungle: probably the worst thing he could have done. He should have run behind uncle's legs or something... just to get some sort of protection. At the time I loved the fact that he ran -- it diverted the monster away from us and onto Alex.
I think it's kind of like that with God. There are these moments of crisis in our lives -- these moments where we are stricken with fear. And in those moments, it's all about proximity. If you're close to God you will turn to Him and he will save you. But, if you're not close to him, you may run away from the one who wants to save you.
Now, since coming to the states, I've done some research into these monsters... they seem to be called 'basset hounds'... you know, with those enormous ears and beady eyes. I don't' think my brother ever saw the monster... just felt it nipping at his butt... what a sight!
-----------------------------
Just take the story for what it's worth... I love it. He's not saying God only has enough to hold some of us while leaving others out to dry... The point is that if we're close to God then in times of crisis we will turn to him, just as we do during other times in our lives. If we are not close to God, then we will not know where to turn in that moment.
What does 'turn to God' mean? Good question. I don't really know for sure. I think it is a general term that can mean different things to different people. For me, it means to pray to God and admit that I don't have control over a situation, and, in fact, I need to trust that God will deliver me from the bad situation or let me experience it for some greater good, or that I may not know the meaning of the situation for a long time. The praying helps me gain a godly point of view on the situation and therefore, deal with it.
Anyhoo, it was a good church service.
www.mosaic.org - my church website
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Cravings-Erwin-Raphael-McManus/dp/0785214941/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3777313-1651234?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175484120&sr=8-1
-- link to Amazon to get Erwin's book, Soul Cravings. It's pretty cheap... I want to pick it up, too.
Peace
-Collin
-Erwin talking at the Vertas Forum at Columbia University in NY
Thursday, March 22, 2007
the assistant editor
My prize is getting to assistant editor:
Right now there aren't any opportunities to get there... but that is what I want.
Felix told me that the AEs on shows he's worked on make $200/day (or $60 more than I make right now). I'm sure pay is comparable in films.
But it's not just the money...
It's the chance to move up, take the next step, and learn more about editing. It's about me being ready to take the next level of responsibility.
As I look at this ambition, I want to start setting goals: Let's lay it out.
I'd like to be an assistant editor by: Jan 1, 2008.
1st Preference: TV or Film
2nd Preference: Commercial House (Whitehouse for example)
3rd Preference: Stay at Flyer
4th Preference: In-house dub room at Studio
5th Preference: Another larger trailer house
Anyhoo... there it is. I may start sending out my resume to places like Whitehouse again this summer. This is helpful to motivate me along the way... especially during those tough days.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Hello Elite 8 against my newtown bros UCLA. My heart is not in question, btw. I'm madly in love with KU. No doubt.
-C
Right now there aren't any opportunities to get there... but that is what I want.
Felix told me that the AEs on shows he's worked on make $200/day (or $60 more than I make right now). I'm sure pay is comparable in films.
But it's not just the money...
It's the chance to move up, take the next step, and learn more about editing. It's about me being ready to take the next level of responsibility.
As I look at this ambition, I want to start setting goals: Let's lay it out.
I'd like to be an assistant editor by: Jan 1, 2008.
1st Preference: TV or Film
2nd Preference: Commercial House (Whitehouse for example)
3rd Preference: Stay at Flyer
4th Preference: In-house dub room at Studio
5th Preference: Another larger trailer house
Anyhoo... there it is. I may start sending out my resume to places like Whitehouse again this summer. This is helpful to motivate me along the way... especially during those tough days.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Hello Elite 8 against my newtown bros UCLA. My heart is not in question, btw. I'm madly in love with KU. No doubt.
-C
Saturday, March 17, 2007
days like these...
It's days like these...
I worked a 12 hour day, a 13 hour day, and a 14.5 hour day... back to back to back. Plus I finished a video for church.
Following my 14 hour day, I came to work to get yelled at b/c I made an error the previous day. A bunch of stuff happened over the last few days that made me want to cry or scream or break something. Somehow (by grace) I made it through the week alive and without seriously injuring someone.
I don't like my job at times. I hate that I'm marginalized and compromised by work. I constantly consider how little money I'm being paid (factoring in the cost of living). With work at ti's most stressful, I contemplate finding a new job. With people at their worst (including myself) I want to isolate myself from the world -- maybe that would prevent the anger and frustration of dealing with others.
But then I see a glimmer of what may be. I see a ray of light. I see the possibility of being part of something larger than myself. I see working with others for creative good instead of administrative bull. I see the fusion of art and business as it walks a fine line between chaos and confinment. I see Felix's show or my 300 spot and I see that there is escape from beaurocratic political entrapment. I see being involved in a project to the extent that a-holes and d-bags don't get to me.
When Josh and I were working on Birth Control, the whole crew came together and sacrificed for the good of the project. Maybe money corrupts the beauty of art and collaboration... But when I see these glimmers of hope, I get excited about the industry again. I get excited by Felix's show because I beleive he's found a story that hasn't been told... a story that is interesting.
It's days like these last few that I have to hold on to these glimmers. I have to beleive that God is teaching me something at my current position. Without the perspective on reality, the stress really gets to me.
I worked a 12 hour day, a 13 hour day, and a 14.5 hour day... back to back to back. Plus I finished a video for church.
Following my 14 hour day, I came to work to get yelled at b/c I made an error the previous day. A bunch of stuff happened over the last few days that made me want to cry or scream or break something. Somehow (by grace) I made it through the week alive and without seriously injuring someone.
I don't like my job at times. I hate that I'm marginalized and compromised by work. I constantly consider how little money I'm being paid (factoring in the cost of living). With work at ti's most stressful, I contemplate finding a new job. With people at their worst (including myself) I want to isolate myself from the world -- maybe that would prevent the anger and frustration of dealing with others.
But then I see a glimmer of what may be. I see a ray of light. I see the possibility of being part of something larger than myself. I see working with others for creative good instead of administrative bull. I see the fusion of art and business as it walks a fine line between chaos and confinment. I see Felix's show or my 300 spot and I see that there is escape from beaurocratic political entrapment. I see being involved in a project to the extent that a-holes and d-bags don't get to me.
When Josh and I were working on Birth Control, the whole crew came together and sacrificed for the good of the project. Maybe money corrupts the beauty of art and collaboration... But when I see these glimmers of hope, I get excited about the industry again. I get excited by Felix's show because I beleive he's found a story that hasn't been told... a story that is interesting.
It's days like these last few that I have to hold on to these glimmers. I have to beleive that God is teaching me something at my current position. Without the perspective on reality, the stress really gets to me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
This Business
I sit down and try to write but I instantly become bored with myself. I've tried to write blogs the last two weeks and I ultimatly get bored and quit them before publishing.
I'm bored because I need to write stories, not bland recaps of my recent history.
Barry, with a big, thick Boston accent and Irish-Catholic temperment, refuses to digress as he explains his theory on cutting a television spot (which is subsequently relalated to, in Barry's mind, everything else in life) in 'this business', as he says.
"In this business, copy is the fastest way to make a niche for yourself. You can make a lot of money if you can write this shit that goes in these spots. Not everyone can do that, you know? But that's not how it was when I was your age, Collin. No shit! Seriously! I'm not kidding! I came into this business as a P.A. and you know what happened to me?"
(I've heard this story or some varient of it at least three times)
"I was making $6 an hour, alright? Mutha fuckin' nothing. This was back in the 80's mind you, but still nothing. I had to work overtime just so I could get a free mutha fuckin' meal from work. You understand? I couldn't afford a meal on my own. I needed overtime to survive. And I decided that I was gonna teach myself editing."
"Now," (big smile) "this is before the days of this digital shit. Aight? Fuckin' reel to reel. Fuckin' big ass clunky tapes and shit. But listen, Collin, I'd come in on the weekend. I didn't have friends, ok? I just moved here from the East, ok? I made friends at work and all that, but I was going to teach myself editing. I'd go to the store and pick up a six pack and come in to the office and teach myself. Ok?"
(digress? Hardly!)
"One Monday I come in and my boss says to me, 'I heard you came in over the weekend.' He made me show him what I did. I didn't really want to. I said, 'No, that's okay. It's not worth showing'. But he made me show it to him. Then he made me a junior editor. Just like that! I went from $6 an hour to $15, which, you know, isn't a lot, but it fuckin' doubled what I was makin! And that's how I got started! Now, that couldn't happen nowadays. Back then this business was way different."
(slight pause as Barry rubs his face, thinking of a metaphor)
"Collin, it's like, if you think of the NBA back in the 50's... you know, little jump shots, layups, no shot clock, no 3 point line, and you put that next to the NBA now." (pause for dramatic effect) "THAT's how different this business is now from when I got started."
(I laugh at the thought of old NBA players playing LeBron and Kobe. Barry didn't know what I was laughing at tho...)
"No, it's true! It's the mutha fuckin' truth! It's like the NBA back in the 50's compared to the NBA now. That's how different it is."
(I assure him that his comparison is correct)
"It's like now, there's all these kids that are the heads of the studios now. They were under me when I was in my prime. It'd be like you under Mayhew or Shawn now. And now I'm workin' for them! They're the heads of maaaarketing at New Line, Paramount, Fox... everywhere. I know more than them, and yet I'm working for them! Can you beleive that? They have absolutely no idea what they're doing. I've been thru it. I know what I'm doing. You're telling me that when these guys have a bum project that they're gonna know what to do with it? No. They're not. They're gonna be my boss with a bum project and they're gonna be telling me what to do with it. Collin, do you understand what I'm saying? That'd be like me walking up to Barry Bonds and being, "Let me show you how to hit a homerun." Collin! He's about ready to break the homerun record! It drives me fuckin' nuts that these kids are now trying to tell me what to do! I've finished 47 trailers. Nobody else has finished 47 trailers. You add up everyone in this house and they don't add up to 47."
(Barry was an editor before he recently became a producer)
"Anyways, Collin."
(digression?)
"You gotta have strong copy. You gotta watch a movie and tell the story on paaapa. You gotta say, '300 must fight against a million...', that's not good copy, but you know what i'm sayin'? You gotta tell the story on paaaapa. That's your foundation. I try to build a house without that foundation, and it all come crumbling down. But, Collin, if I have that foundation, that story on paaaapa, my house will stand."
(maybe)
"And Collin, I want to see some of this in your spot."
(he pounds on his chest with his fist)
"I really want to see some of this in your spot. If there's not any of this in your spot, what's gonna separate you from all these other schmucks? Lemme tell ya, I've worked at all the different houses, alright? I was workin at a house and this guy from this other house gives me a call. He says, "Barry, I saw one of your trailas the other day." Now, I hadn't talked to him in years. Ok? He could tell it was my traila. He says, 'I just knew it was your traila." That was the best compliment anyone could give me. You know?"
(I nod)
"Anyways, just put some of this into your spot. I really want to see what you're made of. Let's say you put in the line (in my 300 spot), 'Everyone is held accountable for the words of his voice' because your dad said something like that to you when you were a kid. That's you. Put that in there. Build that foundation, though, Collin. Put that foundation in there."
(I nod)
"I've said this to all the young kids who come in here... You wanna sit and wait for your chance? Fine. It might take 5 years. Yout gotta come in and do it on your own time. You gotta learn what you can on your own time. And Collin, if you don't want to do this, then get out. Go get coffee at a production house. Do what you did here but do it where you want to be. You don't want to do this and then in 10 yeeeas be that guy who's saying, 'Barry, I don't want to cut trailers.' What? Are you gonna go get coffee at production house? You gonna take that pay cut with your wife and kids? So Collin, I don't know what you want to do, but if you don't want to cut trailers, then go do what you want. I just don't want you to be stuck in here in ten yeeas."
"I've got some stuff to do. Do you wanna leave together tonight?"
(a digression)
One time, Bryan had to go leave to get his car from a car shop across the street. When he left, Barry was talking to me. When he came back, Barry was talking to me. That's just how it is. I love it, though.
He can talk.
I'm bored because I need to write stories, not bland recaps of my recent history.
Barry, with a big, thick Boston accent and Irish-Catholic temperment, refuses to digress as he explains his theory on cutting a television spot (which is subsequently relalated to, in Barry's mind, everything else in life) in 'this business', as he says.
"In this business, copy is the fastest way to make a niche for yourself. You can make a lot of money if you can write this shit that goes in these spots. Not everyone can do that, you know? But that's not how it was when I was your age, Collin. No shit! Seriously! I'm not kidding! I came into this business as a P.A. and you know what happened to me?"
(I've heard this story or some varient of it at least three times)
"I was making $6 an hour, alright? Mutha fuckin' nothing. This was back in the 80's mind you, but still nothing. I had to work overtime just so I could get a free mutha fuckin' meal from work. You understand? I couldn't afford a meal on my own. I needed overtime to survive. And I decided that I was gonna teach myself editing."
"Now," (big smile) "this is before the days of this digital shit. Aight? Fuckin' reel to reel. Fuckin' big ass clunky tapes and shit. But listen, Collin, I'd come in on the weekend. I didn't have friends, ok? I just moved here from the East, ok? I made friends at work and all that, but I was going to teach myself editing. I'd go to the store and pick up a six pack and come in to the office and teach myself. Ok?"
(digress? Hardly!)
"One Monday I come in and my boss says to me, 'I heard you came in over the weekend.' He made me show him what I did. I didn't really want to. I said, 'No, that's okay. It's not worth showing'. But he made me show it to him. Then he made me a junior editor. Just like that! I went from $6 an hour to $15, which, you know, isn't a lot, but it fuckin' doubled what I was makin! And that's how I got started! Now, that couldn't happen nowadays. Back then this business was way different."
(slight pause as Barry rubs his face, thinking of a metaphor)
"Collin, it's like, if you think of the NBA back in the 50's... you know, little jump shots, layups, no shot clock, no 3 point line, and you put that next to the NBA now." (pause for dramatic effect) "THAT's how different this business is now from when I got started."
(I laugh at the thought of old NBA players playing LeBron and Kobe. Barry didn't know what I was laughing at tho...)
"No, it's true! It's the mutha fuckin' truth! It's like the NBA back in the 50's compared to the NBA now. That's how different it is."
(I assure him that his comparison is correct)
"It's like now, there's all these kids that are the heads of the studios now. They were under me when I was in my prime. It'd be like you under Mayhew or Shawn now. And now I'm workin' for them! They're the heads of maaaarketing at New Line, Paramount, Fox... everywhere. I know more than them, and yet I'm working for them! Can you beleive that? They have absolutely no idea what they're doing. I've been thru it. I know what I'm doing. You're telling me that when these guys have a bum project that they're gonna know what to do with it? No. They're not. They're gonna be my boss with a bum project and they're gonna be telling me what to do with it. Collin, do you understand what I'm saying? That'd be like me walking up to Barry Bonds and being, "Let me show you how to hit a homerun." Collin! He's about ready to break the homerun record! It drives me fuckin' nuts that these kids are now trying to tell me what to do! I've finished 47 trailers. Nobody else has finished 47 trailers. You add up everyone in this house and they don't add up to 47."
(Barry was an editor before he recently became a producer)
"Anyways, Collin."
(digression?)
"You gotta have strong copy. You gotta watch a movie and tell the story on paaapa. You gotta say, '300 must fight against a million...', that's not good copy, but you know what i'm sayin'? You gotta tell the story on paaaapa. That's your foundation. I try to build a house without that foundation, and it all come crumbling down. But, Collin, if I have that foundation, that story on paaaapa, my house will stand."
(maybe)
"And Collin, I want to see some of this in your spot."
(he pounds on his chest with his fist)
"I really want to see some of this in your spot. If there's not any of this in your spot, what's gonna separate you from all these other schmucks? Lemme tell ya, I've worked at all the different houses, alright? I was workin at a house and this guy from this other house gives me a call. He says, "Barry, I saw one of your trailas the other day." Now, I hadn't talked to him in years. Ok? He could tell it was my traila. He says, 'I just knew it was your traila." That was the best compliment anyone could give me. You know?"
(I nod)
"Anyways, just put some of this into your spot. I really want to see what you're made of. Let's say you put in the line (in my 300 spot), 'Everyone is held accountable for the words of his voice' because your dad said something like that to you when you were a kid. That's you. Put that in there. Build that foundation, though, Collin. Put that foundation in there."
(I nod)
"I've said this to all the young kids who come in here... You wanna sit and wait for your chance? Fine. It might take 5 years. Yout gotta come in and do it on your own time. You gotta learn what you can on your own time. And Collin, if you don't want to do this, then get out. Go get coffee at a production house. Do what you did here but do it where you want to be. You don't want to do this and then in 10 yeeeas be that guy who's saying, 'Barry, I don't want to cut trailers.' What? Are you gonna go get coffee at production house? You gonna take that pay cut with your wife and kids? So Collin, I don't know what you want to do, but if you don't want to cut trailers, then go do what you want. I just don't want you to be stuck in here in ten yeeas."
"I've got some stuff to do. Do you wanna leave together tonight?"
(a digression)
One time, Bryan had to go leave to get his car from a car shop across the street. When he left, Barry was talking to me. When he came back, Barry was talking to me. That's just how it is. I love it, though.
He can talk.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
me?
I tied my shoes tight. I was proud of my Nike shoes. Damn they were cool! I was wearing my cool shorts and a cool looney toons t-shirt. I felt good about myself. I grabbed my baseball glove and bat -- I had this really cool bat that my grandma got me at Wal-Mart. Mom drove me to the 4-H fairgrounds where the tryouts were. During the drive, I fitted on my leather batting glove really tight. I didn't really know if it helped me, but I knew that my favorite baseball players wore a glove on their follow-thru hand.... so I wore one, too.
I was so cool that day. My mom knew it, I knew it.... it's just everyone at the tryouts didn't know it. I climbed out of the front seat and was ready to make a splash. The coach split the guys up so that half were in the field and the other half were batting. I got field duty first (which was just a chance to show off my mad range and throwing arm). The kid next to me looked a little different than me; he had on a baseball jersey, and cleats, and a baseball hat, and he was taller than me...
Whatever, so what? Ok, so one kid was better than me... no big deal. The batter hit a pop fly to me at shortstop but it was way too high for me to catch... I mean, with the wind and all, how could anyone catch it?
Coach called for everyone to switch up so I ran over to my bat and then over to the group of guys behind home plate. On my way, a kid pointed out to me that my bat was actually a softball bat, not a baseball bat. "Oh." I said. "I didn't know there was a difference." As I looked at all the kids waiting in line to bat I noticed all of them had cleats and jerseys and BASEBALL bats. Wow, so quite a few kids were better than me. It was ok though because I was going to show off my mad hitting skills.
When it was finally my turn, however, the coach threw me a bunch of bad pitches... and he threw them really hard. I swung and missed at the first few and then stopped swinging all together when kids started laughing at me. It hit me then that almost all of the kids were better than me -- not only naturally, but they had better gear and better training.
I had to fight back tears the rest of the tryout.
When mom finally picked me up, I told her everything went well. She was probably the only person who still thought I was good.
I didn't make the team. Travis Ball made the team... I was way better than Travis Ball. Whatever. I was only 11.
----------------------------
I have this same feeling in life now... the feeling where you realize you're kinda out of your league. It's humiliating. Luckily it now happens more in a private setting because I don't have as many acquaintances or friends as I did as an 11 year old.
I've still got my batting glove, my dysfunctional bat, my nike shoes.
Other people have natural talent, a 2 oz aluminum alloy baseball bat, and cleats.
It's deflating.
I was so cool that day. My mom knew it, I knew it.... it's just everyone at the tryouts didn't know it. I climbed out of the front seat and was ready to make a splash. The coach split the guys up so that half were in the field and the other half were batting. I got field duty first (which was just a chance to show off my mad range and throwing arm). The kid next to me looked a little different than me; he had on a baseball jersey, and cleats, and a baseball hat, and he was taller than me...
Whatever, so what? Ok, so one kid was better than me... no big deal. The batter hit a pop fly to me at shortstop but it was way too high for me to catch... I mean, with the wind and all, how could anyone catch it?
Coach called for everyone to switch up so I ran over to my bat and then over to the group of guys behind home plate. On my way, a kid pointed out to me that my bat was actually a softball bat, not a baseball bat. "Oh." I said. "I didn't know there was a difference." As I looked at all the kids waiting in line to bat I noticed all of them had cleats and jerseys and BASEBALL bats. Wow, so quite a few kids were better than me. It was ok though because I was going to show off my mad hitting skills.
When it was finally my turn, however, the coach threw me a bunch of bad pitches... and he threw them really hard. I swung and missed at the first few and then stopped swinging all together when kids started laughing at me. It hit me then that almost all of the kids were better than me -- not only naturally, but they had better gear and better training.
I had to fight back tears the rest of the tryout.
When mom finally picked me up, I told her everything went well. She was probably the only person who still thought I was good.
I didn't make the team. Travis Ball made the team... I was way better than Travis Ball. Whatever. I was only 11.
----------------------------
I have this same feeling in life now... the feeling where you realize you're kinda out of your league. It's humiliating. Luckily it now happens more in a private setting because I don't have as many acquaintances or friends as I did as an 11 year old.
I've still got my batting glove, my dysfunctional bat, my nike shoes.
Other people have natural talent, a 2 oz aluminum alloy baseball bat, and cleats.
It's deflating.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Holden
Holden Caulfield - I was talking with Josh about him last night (he's the protagonist from Catcher in the Rye). The reason the book is so interesting to me is that 200 pages are just Holden talking about stupid things -- mostly stupid things, that is. Every once in a while, you get a sense that Holden is really brilliant for his age. For Example: Writing the paper for his roommate about a baseball mit his (Holden's) deceased brother had written poetry on. For Example: His admiring Mr. Antolini for picking up and carrying a dead kid when nobody else would even go near. It's like the first 200 pages (roughly) are Holden trying to explain his thoughts on life. Then the last 80 (roughly) pages, Holden tells us about interactions with his sister and Mr. Antolini. It's in these interactions that we discover Holden for who he is and the potential he holds. Mr. Antolini's big piece of advice was this: Many men contribute to the world due to a natural gift of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge etc. But pair any one of those gifts with an education, and that same man has potential to do much more good. Why? First, education in this context means, in Holden's case, applying himself in school so he can take advantage of opportunities to attend the best schools in the country. The process of his education forces him to cross paths with brilliant minds who are able to communicate at a high level. They would be directly teaching him 'subjects' while indirectly and somewhat directly teaching him how to better communicate his ideas. Mr. Antolini wants Holden to get an education not for Holden's own benefit, but for the benefit of the world -- so Holden can share his unique point of view effectively and efficiently with the world.
I love the book! Holden's one desire is to be a Catcher in the Rye... brilliant. I could go on... and probably should to make this a complete thought, but it's all in my head... and it would take me another 3 hours to really finish this thought.
Bottom Line: The book speaks to me about: Seeking education as a means to better communicate my gifts and wisdom and feelings to the world, for the world's benefit, not mine.
The Big Kahuna -- gotta watch this movie again.
Jason Jaggard -- what an interesting guy... hope I can meet him.
I love the book! Holden's one desire is to be a Catcher in the Rye... brilliant. I could go on... and probably should to make this a complete thought, but it's all in my head... and it would take me another 3 hours to really finish this thought.
Bottom Line: The book speaks to me about: Seeking education as a means to better communicate my gifts and wisdom and feelings to the world, for the world's benefit, not mine.
The Big Kahuna -- gotta watch this movie again.
Jason Jaggard -- what an interesting guy... hope I can meet him.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sunshine, LBD, Music
The idea that you can trust Christ and not intend to obey him is an illusion generated by the prevalence of an unbelieving "Christian culture." In fact, you can no more trust Jesus and not intend to obey him than you could trust your doctor or your auto mechanic and not intend to follow their advice. If you don't intend to follow their advice, you simply don't trust them.
-Dallas Willard
Who needs coffee when I've got Dallas Willard to read in the morning? Whew! I do agree with Dallas.
Sunshine: I miss playing in it, basking in it, sweating in it, walking in it, driving in it, talking in it, sitting in it, standing in it, drinking (water) in it, and being obnoxious in it. If only I didn't have a job... now I only see sunlight through the windows... sad.
This weekend is going to be great, however. For all my sulking about not getting outside enough, I'm really excited about the weekend. Four Word Summary: Beach, Food, Clue, LizzieBirthDay. What else could you ask for? Maybe a little bit of nice weather on Saturday... but that's about it.
For some reason, bands that I wasn't all that interested in 6 months ago are getting back into my head. The greatest example of this is Mae. They went from being off my charts (indifferent) to the top of my list in the last couple of months. Now, I just watch a video of Mutemath on Jimmy Kimmel, and all the sudden, I'm really diggin' them. Right around the same tiime I was first being introduced to Mae, Mutemath was there, and suffered a similar fate as Mae... Rather I suffered through life with out them... that's more appropriate. They are stinking amazing! I'll get that link up here. It's awesome.
www.mutemath.com
Peace.
Collin
-Dallas Willard
Who needs coffee when I've got Dallas Willard to read in the morning? Whew! I do agree with Dallas.
Sunshine: I miss playing in it, basking in it, sweating in it, walking in it, driving in it, talking in it, sitting in it, standing in it, drinking (water) in it, and being obnoxious in it. If only I didn't have a job... now I only see sunlight through the windows... sad.
This weekend is going to be great, however. For all my sulking about not getting outside enough, I'm really excited about the weekend. Four Word Summary: Beach, Food, Clue, LizzieBirthDay. What else could you ask for? Maybe a little bit of nice weather on Saturday... but that's about it.
For some reason, bands that I wasn't all that interested in 6 months ago are getting back into my head. The greatest example of this is Mae. They went from being off my charts (indifferent) to the top of my list in the last couple of months. Now, I just watch a video of Mutemath on Jimmy Kimmel, and all the sudden, I'm really diggin' them. Right around the same tiime I was first being introduced to Mae, Mutemath was there, and suffered a similar fate as Mae... Rather I suffered through life with out them... that's more appropriate. They are stinking amazing! I'll get that link up here. It's awesome.
www.mutemath.com
Peace.
Collin
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Recover
me: It's like once every 30 days I'll feel like being creative, like writing. Then, I'll sit down and do it. Pretty soon I get frustrated because it's just not coming out right. Then, I end up quitting. It takes me so long to recover that the feeling doesn't come back for 30 days.
What is it with being creative?
What is it with having a creative job? (are most jobs 'creative jobs'?)
For whatever reason, I feel like listing out my fondest memories associated with my friends from back home:
Katie Schwyhart: We met in marching band. She was a sophmore and I a junior, and she had a conjoined (but unrelated) twin named Sam. I don't really know how we hit it off, but we did and ever since we've been hanging out together. My fondest memory is coming back from Juneau, Alaska, eating at the P, hanging out at Laura's house, playing spoons... just catching up. Katie and her parents supported me richly on that mission trip, so it made it extra special to come home and get to share stories right away. Other memories: playing baseball at clinton lake together with Justin; bowling; our last hang out at Mass St. Deli before I went off to LA; Katie coming to Chicago, then to Cole's house for Thanksgiving in May. Katie coming to Chicago for Christy Nichols (we all know it was to hang with me...) and then getting Thai food.
Justin Davis: We also met through marching band as sophmores. He quickly introduced me to Nick Ryan and Mike Powell. The four of us took Japanese together our junior years... it was a joke... I don't know if any of us learned anything... poor Holt sensai. (pssssssssssttt.) We drove to Vail with Matt Lawrence for spring break '06. That was awesome b/c of the hookup in the Mariott at the base of the mountains, and b/c of the snowboarding. My favorite memory is when we were driving to his house after school and the whole "shi... I mean shiiiiit." incident. Also, the burpage down Mass St. It was also fun catching up over spring break '05 when he returned from Paris and we drove back to KS together. He was the star of my first digital movie for media class... the movie that won the film festival in high school. He's one of those guys that I'll never speak to for like 3 months, and when we talk again, we catch up in an instant. Good friend, and I think had a role in me turning my life around and starting to follow God (mostly because of his example as we lived life together through high school). We also drove to Ft. Benning, GA to see Nick graduate from boot camp... good times. Oct. 11, 2001 - Alien Ant Farm at the Granasty... awesome. Justin's b-day, our favorite band at the time, and a small crowd = surfing, and general rocking out.
Nick Ryan: Great guy... so full of passion and vigor (case in point: driving back from Ft. Benning, Nick sat the whole time in the passing lane, never getting over. When questioned about his slow speed and other people being forced to pass in the right lane, Nick said, "That's their problem, not mine"... not funny to me then, but histerical now). Nick likes to disagree, but will occasionally be a softy. I love to hang out with him because he's such a change of pace from normal, boring people. My favorite memory with nick is getting lunch together every day during Mr. Wells 'writing for college bound' class. We'd run to BK or Subway and run back to school scarfing down our 2000 calorie meals. He had a big yellow van (not mini van, but van) when I first met him and we'd go driving around Lawrence and Nick would drive through grassy knolls and over curbs and didn't care b/c it was a crappy old van. Later, he got the usagi. I love hanging out with Nick. Also had a blast at the aforementioned 10/11/01 rock concert.
Josh Spradlin: Favorite memory -- wrestling in his basement for no real reason after school... and nobody would win, but we'd carry on forever... really wierd. I met Josh when I transferred to Prairie Park elementry in 5th grade. He took care of me (literally) when I had my 9 month long leg surgery in 6th grade. Every day from 5th grade on, I'd go to his house after school and play video games... a tradition we still hold. We also make a great basketball team (against Kiel and Dennis). We tend to have an esp going on the court. As I think back, I think I made fun of Josh a lot as we went through junior high and high school together... something I regret. Josh has a soft spot for pussy (cats) named Ava (that's an inside joke). I remember going to Royals games with Josh and cheering for Chili Davis together. I also remember him taking me to many a KU basketball games. Josh had a stellar line in my movie titled "attack of the grocery store" (which was essentially a huge inside joke based off my first music video and based off of all my friends working with me in the movie). His line was "Moma done call me..." and I can't remember the name, but it was hilarious... probably the only special effect we planned going in to the shoot... we slowed down his voice in post production so it was super slow motion... it was awesome. It only took him five or six takes to keep a straight face.
Dennis Mersmann: My friend since 1st grade... my longest lasting friendship... ever. He's the guy out of all my friends who did everything first... girls, smoking, drinking, etc. He was probably way too cool for me and my other friends, but somehow he still chose to hang with us. There are so many memories that I can't even begin to list them... My favorite was driving in my car around the outskirts of Lawrence and talking, all night. He'd listen and listen, and he'd give advice and he'd relate to me... and that was super special to me. He perfected the 'let's turn down the music, but not turn it off while we're talking' saying. He introduced me to weezer and cake way before I was ready for it. Dennis also got me interested in the arts... he was a naturally gifted artist (probably straight from the womb), and he'd have the classicly cluttered desk all through grade school, but he'd also have lots of neat drawings. He always wore birkenstocks way before they were cool. We watched the NBA finals when it was Michael Jordan and the Bulls vs. Karl Malone, John Stockton and the Jazz. For some reason, we rooted for the Jazz. Recenlty, I've enjoyed drinking beer with Dennis, catching up, and playing mad basketball. We, too, made a pretty good basketball team (me and dennis vs. josh and kiel... ) I also loved playing Mario Tennis with dennis, and being on his team for Madden games. We also went to a Get Up Kids concert in KC together... awsome stuff.
Kiel: I would hang out at kiel's house every day after jr. high school. We'd stay up late and play each other in half life (because his family was cool and were the first one's i knew that had cable internet and cd burners... remember when those weren't common?) I remember going to the Sunflower Music fest with Kiel in Jr. High. We went with his dad and their Brazillian exchange student. I got so sunburned and didn't get to see Everclear, but did see Incubus, and Reel Big Fish... got their autograph. Kiel's funniest line was the whole "What would they call the sequal to 'Gone in 60 Seconds?" line... I was laughing on the floor in the middle of Hastings... and all the way out the door, and into my drivers seat, and through a red light at the next stop light. I guess he really didn't mean to be funny, but he was. My fav. moments with Kiel include our talks over eating food, our awesome games of pool in his basement, the awesome 4th of July parties on his block, going to the huge apartment fire that one 4th. We met through Ryan Nairn in 8th grade... lot of fun ensued. I really admire Kiel for getting engaged and for doing nursing school -- doing what he wants to do.
Camron Flanders -- we met senior year of high school through my soon to be future girlfriend, Sonja. We were all slated to go to prom together, and Camron invited me to his house to hang out before hand. We clicked and like to drive around making fun of people, listening to 50 Cent's 'in the club' before it was popular, and play half life together. Favorite memories include going to Dillons on 6th late at night and having a histerical convo about hydrogenated fats in Oreo cookies, and Camron coming to Chicago to discuss, among other things, Meghan and Annie. It was cool to hang out with a guy much cooler than myself. Camron was cool -- he introduced me to Apple Computers. I've been in love ever since. Camron had the first iPod I'd seen. He also now has the coolest car I've ever seen - a VW VR6 -- it's his baby. And although the girls don't always work out, Cam does date the coolest girls ever... including Lindsey (sorry if I misspelled) right now. I hope they work out. I know some of his coolness must of rubbed off on me at some point along the way. He introduced me to Ben Turner, who is an amazingly witty man.
Sonja Fleischauer: We dated for a long time... she's a really cool girl. Fav. memories include Myrtle Beach (although I must think of only the good things, not the overwhelming high number of bad things that happened on that trip), going to Purdue numerous times, and of course the millions of awesome and brilliant and intimate conversations we had over the years. I met Sonja through working at Hy-Vee in high school. I liked her a long time before we started dating. Sonja was there when I started to follow God (by the grace of God). We loved watching movies together, and sharing our poetry and all that gooey boy-girl stuff. A really cool girl... glad I got to spend some life with her.
Kyle Fowler: I loved hanging out with Kyle. He was tall, atheletic, and a very humble guy. I wish I had more to say... I regret not spending more time with him.
Well, that was fun. I wish I could say more, and say what I already said better, but I'm tired, and my carpel tunnel is kicking in. Merry Christmas.
-C
What is it with being creative?
What is it with having a creative job? (are most jobs 'creative jobs'?)
For whatever reason, I feel like listing out my fondest memories associated with my friends from back home:
Katie Schwyhart: We met in marching band. She was a sophmore and I a junior, and she had a conjoined (but unrelated) twin named Sam. I don't really know how we hit it off, but we did and ever since we've been hanging out together. My fondest memory is coming back from Juneau, Alaska, eating at the P, hanging out at Laura's house, playing spoons... just catching up. Katie and her parents supported me richly on that mission trip, so it made it extra special to come home and get to share stories right away. Other memories: playing baseball at clinton lake together with Justin; bowling; our last hang out at Mass St. Deli before I went off to LA; Katie coming to Chicago, then to Cole's house for Thanksgiving in May. Katie coming to Chicago for Christy Nichols (we all know it was to hang with me...) and then getting Thai food.
Justin Davis: We also met through marching band as sophmores. He quickly introduced me to Nick Ryan and Mike Powell. The four of us took Japanese together our junior years... it was a joke... I don't know if any of us learned anything... poor Holt sensai. (pssssssssssttt.) We drove to Vail with Matt Lawrence for spring break '06. That was awesome b/c of the hookup in the Mariott at the base of the mountains, and b/c of the snowboarding. My favorite memory is when we were driving to his house after school and the whole "shi... I mean shiiiiit." incident. Also, the burpage down Mass St. It was also fun catching up over spring break '05 when he returned from Paris and we drove back to KS together. He was the star of my first digital movie for media class... the movie that won the film festival in high school. He's one of those guys that I'll never speak to for like 3 months, and when we talk again, we catch up in an instant. Good friend, and I think had a role in me turning my life around and starting to follow God (mostly because of his example as we lived life together through high school). We also drove to Ft. Benning, GA to see Nick graduate from boot camp... good times. Oct. 11, 2001 - Alien Ant Farm at the Granasty... awesome. Justin's b-day, our favorite band at the time, and a small crowd = surfing, and general rocking out.
Nick Ryan: Great guy... so full of passion and vigor (case in point: driving back from Ft. Benning, Nick sat the whole time in the passing lane, never getting over. When questioned about his slow speed and other people being forced to pass in the right lane, Nick said, "That's their problem, not mine"... not funny to me then, but histerical now). Nick likes to disagree, but will occasionally be a softy. I love to hang out with him because he's such a change of pace from normal, boring people. My favorite memory with nick is getting lunch together every day during Mr. Wells 'writing for college bound' class. We'd run to BK or Subway and run back to school scarfing down our 2000 calorie meals. He had a big yellow van (not mini van, but van) when I first met him and we'd go driving around Lawrence and Nick would drive through grassy knolls and over curbs and didn't care b/c it was a crappy old van. Later, he got the usagi. I love hanging out with Nick. Also had a blast at the aforementioned 10/11/01 rock concert.
Josh Spradlin: Favorite memory -- wrestling in his basement for no real reason after school... and nobody would win, but we'd carry on forever... really wierd. I met Josh when I transferred to Prairie Park elementry in 5th grade. He took care of me (literally) when I had my 9 month long leg surgery in 6th grade. Every day from 5th grade on, I'd go to his house after school and play video games... a tradition we still hold. We also make a great basketball team (against Kiel and Dennis). We tend to have an esp going on the court. As I think back, I think I made fun of Josh a lot as we went through junior high and high school together... something I regret. Josh has a soft spot for pussy (cats) named Ava (that's an inside joke). I remember going to Royals games with Josh and cheering for Chili Davis together. I also remember him taking me to many a KU basketball games. Josh had a stellar line in my movie titled "attack of the grocery store" (which was essentially a huge inside joke based off my first music video and based off of all my friends working with me in the movie). His line was "Moma done call me..." and I can't remember the name, but it was hilarious... probably the only special effect we planned going in to the shoot... we slowed down his voice in post production so it was super slow motion... it was awesome. It only took him five or six takes to keep a straight face.
Dennis Mersmann: My friend since 1st grade... my longest lasting friendship... ever. He's the guy out of all my friends who did everything first... girls, smoking, drinking, etc. He was probably way too cool for me and my other friends, but somehow he still chose to hang with us. There are so many memories that I can't even begin to list them... My favorite was driving in my car around the outskirts of Lawrence and talking, all night. He'd listen and listen, and he'd give advice and he'd relate to me... and that was super special to me. He perfected the 'let's turn down the music, but not turn it off while we're talking' saying. He introduced me to weezer and cake way before I was ready for it. Dennis also got me interested in the arts... he was a naturally gifted artist (probably straight from the womb), and he'd have the classicly cluttered desk all through grade school, but he'd also have lots of neat drawings. He always wore birkenstocks way before they were cool. We watched the NBA finals when it was Michael Jordan and the Bulls vs. Karl Malone, John Stockton and the Jazz. For some reason, we rooted for the Jazz. Recenlty, I've enjoyed drinking beer with Dennis, catching up, and playing mad basketball. We, too, made a pretty good basketball team (me and dennis vs. josh and kiel... ) I also loved playing Mario Tennis with dennis, and being on his team for Madden games. We also went to a Get Up Kids concert in KC together... awsome stuff.
Kiel: I would hang out at kiel's house every day after jr. high school. We'd stay up late and play each other in half life (because his family was cool and were the first one's i knew that had cable internet and cd burners... remember when those weren't common?) I remember going to the Sunflower Music fest with Kiel in Jr. High. We went with his dad and their Brazillian exchange student. I got so sunburned and didn't get to see Everclear, but did see Incubus, and Reel Big Fish... got their autograph. Kiel's funniest line was the whole "What would they call the sequal to 'Gone in 60 Seconds?" line... I was laughing on the floor in the middle of Hastings... and all the way out the door, and into my drivers seat, and through a red light at the next stop light. I guess he really didn't mean to be funny, but he was. My fav. moments with Kiel include our talks over eating food, our awesome games of pool in his basement, the awesome 4th of July parties on his block, going to the huge apartment fire that one 4th. We met through Ryan Nairn in 8th grade... lot of fun ensued. I really admire Kiel for getting engaged and for doing nursing school -- doing what he wants to do.
Camron Flanders -- we met senior year of high school through my soon to be future girlfriend, Sonja. We were all slated to go to prom together, and Camron invited me to his house to hang out before hand. We clicked and like to drive around making fun of people, listening to 50 Cent's 'in the club' before it was popular, and play half life together. Favorite memories include going to Dillons on 6th late at night and having a histerical convo about hydrogenated fats in Oreo cookies, and Camron coming to Chicago to discuss, among other things, Meghan and Annie. It was cool to hang out with a guy much cooler than myself. Camron was cool -- he introduced me to Apple Computers. I've been in love ever since. Camron had the first iPod I'd seen. He also now has the coolest car I've ever seen - a VW VR6 -- it's his baby. And although the girls don't always work out, Cam does date the coolest girls ever... including Lindsey (sorry if I misspelled) right now. I hope they work out. I know some of his coolness must of rubbed off on me at some point along the way. He introduced me to Ben Turner, who is an amazingly witty man.
Sonja Fleischauer: We dated for a long time... she's a really cool girl. Fav. memories include Myrtle Beach (although I must think of only the good things, not the overwhelming high number of bad things that happened on that trip), going to Purdue numerous times, and of course the millions of awesome and brilliant and intimate conversations we had over the years. I met Sonja through working at Hy-Vee in high school. I liked her a long time before we started dating. Sonja was there when I started to follow God (by the grace of God). We loved watching movies together, and sharing our poetry and all that gooey boy-girl stuff. A really cool girl... glad I got to spend some life with her.
Kyle Fowler: I loved hanging out with Kyle. He was tall, atheletic, and a very humble guy. I wish I had more to say... I regret not spending more time with him.
Well, that was fun. I wish I could say more, and say what I already said better, but I'm tired, and my carpel tunnel is kicking in. Merry Christmas.
-C
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Jobbing
Issue: The famous rapper (insert name) said it best when he said 'Mo money, mo problems.' I'm already thinking about how I'm going to spend money I'm not close to earning yet. I want: a new car, a better sound system in the new car, a phone/pda with internet, to eat out, HDTV, a Playstation 3, cable television, and on and on. Technically, I'm in the lowest pay bracket I'll ever be in my life, and already I can't find enough ways to spend money. What happens when I actually have money to spend?
Conversation with Josh:
What is money good for? I mean, if I make more money, then I just buy nicer things than what I already have, right? Even if I have millions of dollars, it can't buy me security. Money still exists outside of real security (ie. peace of mind and heart). So, what's the point of getting money? (we like questions)
Conclusions:
1.) Money is good for making things... not buying produced things, but for buying raw things to produce something yourself or with other people. This stuff is called ART. You don't need money to create, but you can creat more complex art with more money (sometimes... obviously this does not apply to hollywood blockbuster films or anything).
2.) Money is good for giving away. Even though it can't buy anyone else real security or happiness, it can temporarily help with other needs.
People can have all kinds of money, and the next day, sometimes literally, it's gone. Other people never have money their whole lives, and are no better or worse off.
All this being said, I still want money. I still want my HDTV and my nice sound system. God help me.
Mae. Check them out! I've been in love with them the last week or so. Great songs, lyrics, melodies... ugh. Good.
I'm going to bust open soon about this whole church discussion Josh and I had a while back... well, have been having for the last 5 months. Later, though.
Eyes open. Ears aware. Mouth ready to talk. You know where to find me.
-C
Conversation with Josh:
What is money good for? I mean, if I make more money, then I just buy nicer things than what I already have, right? Even if I have millions of dollars, it can't buy me security. Money still exists outside of real security (ie. peace of mind and heart). So, what's the point of getting money? (we like questions)
Conclusions:
1.) Money is good for making things... not buying produced things, but for buying raw things to produce something yourself or with other people. This stuff is called ART. You don't need money to create, but you can creat more complex art with more money (sometimes... obviously this does not apply to hollywood blockbuster films or anything).
2.) Money is good for giving away. Even though it can't buy anyone else real security or happiness, it can temporarily help with other needs.
People can have all kinds of money, and the next day, sometimes literally, it's gone. Other people never have money their whole lives, and are no better or worse off.
All this being said, I still want money. I still want my HDTV and my nice sound system. God help me.
Mae. Check them out! I've been in love with them the last week or so. Great songs, lyrics, melodies... ugh. Good.
I'm going to bust open soon about this whole church discussion Josh and I had a while back... well, have been having for the last 5 months. Later, though.
Eyes open. Ears aware. Mouth ready to talk. You know where to find me.
-C
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Fozzle Tov
News Flash:
Collin Pittier just won a million dollars. He intends to spend his money on a lifetime supply of those moist little muffins he had at work last week and on one new pair of shoes. If he has any money left over, the Associated Press reports, he'll give it all to his friend Dennis Mersmann so he can continue to write poetry, be a deskie, and make Collin laugh.
---------------------------------------------------------
Here I am, a little ashamed b/c I've not sent my dad's x-mas present yet... and he's not going to get it for a long while... probably like 3 or 4 weeks (he's in Kuwait right now). I feel bad, and I hope he forgives me... I'm sure he will, I just feel bad about the situation.
I went to a preschool's Christmas play tonight... really a blast. All the little kids were awesome. The event started off with each little kid coming in to the room representing a different country of the world. My favorite was the little German kid... I told Lizzie about it afterwards and she told me that his name is Colin Friend. I have a natural gravitation towards kids with my name i guess. Anyway, he was dressed up in classic German attire... I don't know what the outfit is called, but he was cute with his blonde hair and overalls. I don't necessarily want kids of my own right now or anything, but it dawned on me the incredible responsibility and joy it must be to raise a child. I remember back in 5th grade my class went down to the kindergarten class and was assigned a kid to show around the library... part of some program to have kids help other kids. I was only in 5th grade, but it was great to have responsibility of my boy - Evan -- also small with blonde hair (and I think Evan was my alternate name if my sister had been a boy). Kids, out of nature, have to rely on their parents. And parents have to invest in their children, or else the kids get even more messed than normal. On some level, I guess that appeals to me out of my desire to be needed by someone... you know, that natural high you get from helping someone out, or filling a need someone asks you to fill. Bottom line: kids are a blast to watch and enjoy.
What is life but a chance to pass along blessings to others, ease the burdens of others, and enjoy the company of others? Merry Christmas.
Collin Pittier just won a million dollars. He intends to spend his money on a lifetime supply of those moist little muffins he had at work last week and on one new pair of shoes. If he has any money left over, the Associated Press reports, he'll give it all to his friend Dennis Mersmann so he can continue to write poetry, be a deskie, and make Collin laugh.
---------------------------------------------------------
Here I am, a little ashamed b/c I've not sent my dad's x-mas present yet... and he's not going to get it for a long while... probably like 3 or 4 weeks (he's in Kuwait right now). I feel bad, and I hope he forgives me... I'm sure he will, I just feel bad about the situation.
I went to a preschool's Christmas play tonight... really a blast. All the little kids were awesome. The event started off with each little kid coming in to the room representing a different country of the world. My favorite was the little German kid... I told Lizzie about it afterwards and she told me that his name is Colin Friend. I have a natural gravitation towards kids with my name i guess. Anyway, he was dressed up in classic German attire... I don't know what the outfit is called, but he was cute with his blonde hair and overalls. I don't necessarily want kids of my own right now or anything, but it dawned on me the incredible responsibility and joy it must be to raise a child. I remember back in 5th grade my class went down to the kindergarten class and was assigned a kid to show around the library... part of some program to have kids help other kids. I was only in 5th grade, but it was great to have responsibility of my boy - Evan -- also small with blonde hair (and I think Evan was my alternate name if my sister had been a boy). Kids, out of nature, have to rely on their parents. And parents have to invest in their children, or else the kids get even more messed than normal. On some level, I guess that appeals to me out of my desire to be needed by someone... you know, that natural high you get from helping someone out, or filling a need someone asks you to fill. Bottom line: kids are a blast to watch and enjoy.
What is life but a chance to pass along blessings to others, ease the burdens of others, and enjoy the company of others? Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
The East Side
I want to talk about 'moving on up / to the east side' but all I can really think about is the impact of the Lord's prayer on my life. I've been praying it almost every day, and trying to think of it during work. What amazing words, and what an amazing God... and I know He hears.
Prayer is not some action I do as a christian... not anymore.
I've been thinking about the way Dallas Willard translates the opening line of the Lord's prayer:
"Father, always near."
What a powerful address! Not, "Father way up in the clouds." or "Father way up in some heaven.". Rather, "Father of the heavens", including right here where you and I reside. The traditional translation of this address is "Our Father who art in heaven." Of course my view of God is changing, but my older view of God took that traditional address and pictured God far away. And along with that, I viewed my requests to God as items to be dropped in a postal bin and received by God in a few days. And beyond that, I thought that my prayers would be 'answered' only if it was already part of God's original plan... so my prayer was necessary to prove that I did believe God was up there, but not relavant to what would transpire in the heavens (here, there, everywhere). 'Father, always near." gives me the original intention of the traditional translation, "Our Father who art in heaven."
When I pray to God, he is aware of it just as a parent is aware of a request from a child. He hears me. As I speak or write or concentrate, He hears me. 'Father, always near' addresses our God appropriatly. It has been one of the most humbling phrases I've involved in my life in a while.
I have been promoted at work. Now, when you address me, please call me 'Collin 'on dubs' Pittier' b/c I be rollin' in the dub room. I have responsiblity and an opprotunity to use my brain to problem solve, multitask, and orgainze... and what I'm putting all this energy towards is editing. What I do plays a vital role in editors at my company being able to edit. I feel so much more a part of what happens at Flyer. Stress can be high, but I enjoy it... knowing that my work has meaning.
Have a wonderful December. I look forward to seeing my friends and family here in a little less than two weeks! My ears and eyes are always open.
Much Love
-Collin
Prayer is not some action I do as a christian... not anymore.
I've been thinking about the way Dallas Willard translates the opening line of the Lord's prayer:
"Father, always near."
What a powerful address! Not, "Father way up in the clouds." or "Father way up in some heaven.". Rather, "Father of the heavens", including right here where you and I reside. The traditional translation of this address is "Our Father who art in heaven." Of course my view of God is changing, but my older view of God took that traditional address and pictured God far away. And along with that, I viewed my requests to God as items to be dropped in a postal bin and received by God in a few days. And beyond that, I thought that my prayers would be 'answered' only if it was already part of God's original plan... so my prayer was necessary to prove that I did believe God was up there, but not relavant to what would transpire in the heavens (here, there, everywhere). 'Father, always near." gives me the original intention of the traditional translation, "Our Father who art in heaven."
When I pray to God, he is aware of it just as a parent is aware of a request from a child. He hears me. As I speak or write or concentrate, He hears me. 'Father, always near' addresses our God appropriatly. It has been one of the most humbling phrases I've involved in my life in a while.
I have been promoted at work. Now, when you address me, please call me 'Collin 'on dubs' Pittier' b/c I be rollin' in the dub room. I have responsiblity and an opprotunity to use my brain to problem solve, multitask, and orgainze... and what I'm putting all this energy towards is editing. What I do plays a vital role in editors at my company being able to edit. I feel so much more a part of what happens at Flyer. Stress can be high, but I enjoy it... knowing that my work has meaning.
Have a wonderful December. I look forward to seeing my friends and family here in a little less than two weeks! My ears and eyes are always open.
Much Love
-Collin
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Working Hard, So Hard
Let's face the facts: I've been working for two months, now. I'm no longer a little boy, an infant of this world, a 'vaccum cleaner' if you will (will you?). Now, instead of taking in and never giving anything back (except a dirty bag of dirt every year or so), I am producing. I guess the transition isn't quite so complete... I still rely on other people to live... especially on Firth Lutheran for my housing. (quick shout out for those lovely people, who, frankly, allow me to be ALIVE in LA) Holla, First.
It's amazing that I have a job and can say that I've been working hard. I enjoy knowing that I will never know how it all worked out to this point. What a great mystery! I come to Los Angeles with no money, student debt looming, and not much experience. I took a step, and, AMEN, my steps have somehow been made firm by God. Ah, that makes me feel so close to God... that close interwoven interaction of the most real kind. How delightful!
So, I have some items to report, not out of obligation, but out of talkativness.
1. I'm attempting to create a new position for myself at my office. I want to be the 'vault coordinator'. That job includes organizing and catalouging all the media Flyer currently has sitting in an oversized closet (media meaning all the tapes and DVDs from current and past projects). There are probably over a 1000 tapes in this closet... and they are loosley organized by project... but organized in giant tubs with other projects. I feel it's a little ambitious b/c I have to do some research and write up a proposal about how I want to organize it, any expenses, and why the company should support me in this endevour. It's fun, and I'm excited about the chance to move up the food chain ever so slightly.
2. I'm really excited to be going home for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love LA. But I really miss my friends and family... like today I talked with my buddies back in KS. They were all hanging out playing video games and having a good time. Man, I wanted to be there so bad. I wanted to talk about sports and college and friends getting married. Also, I want to be home with my family where hugs are in order and I can be around people I truly admire and love.
3. Josh Salzberg and I are in the beginning phases of a new script... a feature this time. I'm diggin it. We're all but finished, on our end of things, on Birth Control. Just need to get color correction and a sound mix. It's exciting. I'd love to shoot the story idea by you when we get it a little more hammered out. I think it's a gonna be a good'n.
That's that. I'll tell you more about Mosaic a little later. That's my new church -- well, not officially yet, but I'm liking it a bunch so far. Check out mosaic.org. You'll not be disappointed.
I wish all of you the best. If you need anything, please, please, please, please call me and let me know. You've got to start asking to start receiving.
-Peace Out!
--__~~ - C - ~~__--
It's amazing that I have a job and can say that I've been working hard. I enjoy knowing that I will never know how it all worked out to this point. What a great mystery! I come to Los Angeles with no money, student debt looming, and not much experience. I took a step, and, AMEN, my steps have somehow been made firm by God. Ah, that makes me feel so close to God... that close interwoven interaction of the most real kind. How delightful!
So, I have some items to report, not out of obligation, but out of talkativness.
1. I'm attempting to create a new position for myself at my office. I want to be the 'vault coordinator'. That job includes organizing and catalouging all the media Flyer currently has sitting in an oversized closet (media meaning all the tapes and DVDs from current and past projects). There are probably over a 1000 tapes in this closet... and they are loosley organized by project... but organized in giant tubs with other projects. I feel it's a little ambitious b/c I have to do some research and write up a proposal about how I want to organize it, any expenses, and why the company should support me in this endevour. It's fun, and I'm excited about the chance to move up the food chain ever so slightly.
2. I'm really excited to be going home for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love LA. But I really miss my friends and family... like today I talked with my buddies back in KS. They were all hanging out playing video games and having a good time. Man, I wanted to be there so bad. I wanted to talk about sports and college and friends getting married. Also, I want to be home with my family where hugs are in order and I can be around people I truly admire and love.
3. Josh Salzberg and I are in the beginning phases of a new script... a feature this time. I'm diggin it. We're all but finished, on our end of things, on Birth Control. Just need to get color correction and a sound mix. It's exciting. I'd love to shoot the story idea by you when we get it a little more hammered out. I think it's a gonna be a good'n.
That's that. I'll tell you more about Mosaic a little later. That's my new church -- well, not officially yet, but I'm liking it a bunch so far. Check out mosaic.org. You'll not be disappointed.
I wish all of you the best. If you need anything, please, please, please, please call me and let me know. You've got to start asking to start receiving.
-Peace Out!
--__~~ - C - ~~__--
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
